Happy Endings:  The Deleted Scenes
by Distant-Moon
Summary: A companion to the Happy Endings Saga, by Distant Moon.  All the fun little scenes that didn't make it off the cutting room floor.  Awesome in content, but highly irrelevent to the main plot.  Seriously, why haven't you clicked on this yet?
1. Foreward

**A/N: So I finally got around to doing the "Deleted Scenes" of my fic, Happy Endings. For those of you who haven't read it yet (for whatever lame reason), the basic gist of the plot is that Julie McVay is trying to meet her father's curfew when she is unceremoniously mugged, hit by a car, and drowned (in that order). The end result is that she wakes up in the waters of the South Pole, and gets hauled on to Prince Zuko's ship. Now she must help him find the Avatar while trying to find a way home (and survive; surviving would be VERY nice).**

**What you are reading now are the Deleted Scenes. What are these Deleted Scenes, per say? In short, they are the epically WIN little incidents that occur during the course of the story; but ended up on the cutting room floor due to the fact that my story is already ridiculously long. So long, in fact, that I couldn't afford to go off on a tangent.**

**Thus, "Happy Endings: The Deleted Scenes" was born. Yes, you should be trembling in fear. It's a scary thing. **

**"Lieutenant Jee's Secret." "Have You Heard About Prince Zuko?" "A Prank Too Far." These are just some of the little happenings that occur on the ship. Some are funny, some are angsty, and some are just plain...weird. Whatever the genre, I hope you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoyed writing them. And, of course, if you like what you see here, I encourage, beg, and implore you to check out Happy Endings (if you're a total loser and haven't already).**

**Nuff said. READ ON!**


	2. Lieutenant Jee's Secret Part I

**A/N: Before I say anything else, I have to credit the first chapter to Alluring Alliteration. She submitted the idea, and I thought it was so awesome that it should go first and foremost. Her idea was this: "Where did Lieutenant Jee get that kimono? Why would he have it, anyway?" There was so much potential for this that I just couldn't resist. (Plus, she kind of won my two-hundreth review contest…) Ahem! Anyway, this part is dedicated to her. ^-^ **

**However, this Omake is a tad angsty. It takes place after the Agni Kai with Zhao, but before the Zu-crew reaches Kyoshi Island. And no, this does not count as a spoiler for my fic. If you guys didn't guess that Julie would end up there at some point, then I have failed you as an author.**

**Anyway, I originally was going to make this one funny, but...well...I'm not so good at following my own plans. I just got into writing Jee's past, and this was what came out. Anyway, here you go. Presenting the first chapter of Happy Endings: The Deleted Scenes! I hope it's good enough to make you cry.**

**All scenes will be written in the third person. They're better that way.**

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* * *

**

**"Lieutenant Jee's Secret; Part I"**

Night had softly stolen upon the ocean, washing away the rosy sunset that Zuko's ship had been basking in mere moments ago. Lieutenant Jee couldn't keep his mind focused as he gazed up at the sky. In silence, he watched as one by one, the stars made their appearance. Their faint light seemed so cold and distant, but the Lieutenant seemed to take comfort in their presence anyway. Even though he couldn't reach them, he made himself content watching them.

"She loved the stars, did she not?"

Jee glanced at General Iroh as he came to join him on deck. "She did."

The older man nodded sympathetically. "You seem troubled."

The Lieutenant didn't reply. His eyes became saddened. He kept his eyes locked on the sky above him, as though the answer to his dilemma. For a moment, he and Iroh stood there in silence like a pair of statues on a hill. The wind gently caught the fabrics of their sleeves, swaying them. It was almost as if the breeze was trying to reassure them, to comfort them.

Finally, Lieutenant Jee turned away. "I'll be retiring for the evening, General Iroh, Sir."

"There is no need to be so formal, my friend. Feel free to stop by if you are in the mood to talk."

He nodded. "Yes, Sir. Good night."

Iroh watched, nonplussed as the other man retreated through the door. His gaze didn't waver until the sound of his footsteps had faded. Then, the ex-General heaved a low sigh.

"What a shame," he murmured, looking back at the moon, which was almost full. "There is no solace at sea, it seems."

* * *

It was late, but the ship was still alive with activity. The men who were scheduled for the night shift were getting ready while those who had just finished were preparing for some well-deserved rest. That should have included the Lieutenant himself, but he didn't feel like he'd be able to close his eyes. Already he knew in his gut that this would be one of _those _nights.

He was looking forward to a deep glass of sake and the oblivion it would bring him.

"Screw you!"

Looking up suddenly, Lieutenant Jee found himself nearly knocked over as Julie stormed past him. Her hands were balled into fists and her expression was that of sheer outrage. Behind her, Prince Zuko of all people followed her down the hallway, looking annoyed. He didn't seem to notice the Lieutenant watching them, focused solely on the furious red head.

"Get back here," Zuko ordered. "Damn, peasant! You do as you're told this instant!"

"No!" Julie yelled over her shoulder. "I've had enough of your freaking comments, you jerk! If I'm such a distraction, then go meditate by yourself!"

"I already told you! You weren't _distracting _me; you were manipulating my chi! Why won't you listen to me, you stupid girl?"

"Because it's ridiculous! What do you take me for, anyway? You just don't want to admit that you're not as good of a Firebender as you think you are!"

Zuko looked livid. "Fine, then! Let all your chi bleed out of you! Go into another coma! See if I care!" Turning on his heel, the Fire Prince stormed away, his jaw clenched so tightly, Lieutenant Jee could have sworn he was biting back the very flames that threatened to spew forth. He watched, perturbed as the young man disappeared at the end of the hallway, ripped open the door to his bedroom and slammed it shut behind him.

Julie just sniffed. She looked like she was going to cry. "Jerk," she muttered. "Stupid bastard."

"Language," Lieutenant Jee barked, causing her to jump. She blinked owlishly at the darkness, seeming to notice him for the first time. "Just who do you think you are, speaking like that to someone of higher rank like that?"

"What the hell are you doing here?" was all Julie had to say for herself.

"Answer me, girl. Who do you think you are? A queen?"

Julie looked sullen. "No. Obviously. But dammit, Jee, Zuko was being such a...he thinks I'm _bending _his _chi_...! He's out of his goddamn mind!"

Lieutenant Jee's face turned to stone. "A lady," he said coldly, "does not talk back to her betters, no matter how much she dislikes them. Prince Zuko may be difficult, but you will show him due curtesy young lady."

She stiffened at that. "Young lady? Who do _you _think _you _are? My father?"

There was silence. Jee stared at the girl, taken by surprise. Julie just stared right back at him, meeting his startled gaze boldly and obstinately. Her brow furrowed as irritation (her most common expression) returned to her face. She threw her gaze to the floor in disgust.

"Whatever," she spat. "I don't care, either way. I don't need a father, and I sure as hell don't want one. So quit acting like one, you prick."

The Lieutenant felt like he had been punched in the stomach. Anger and dismay flitted across his face, his mouth opening and closing in speechless outrage. But before he could get a single word out, Julie flung herself down the hallway and stomped off towards the hold.

_The little..._

The man shook his head, but couldn't get her words out of his head. _Just who do you think you are? My father?_ Of all the presumptuous things for the silly girl to say. Of all the idiotic, disrespectful things to come out of her mouth. She should be on bended knee, thanking him. He didn't have to go out of his way to teach her what any girl her age should already know. He had taken pity on the girl, and _this _was his reward?

It wasn't like her _parents _were going to tame the little monster. Someone had to take her to task before her flippant remarks got her knifed...or worse.

"Brat," he muttered. "I don't need this."

The darkness swallowed his words. Still fuming, the Lieutenant stalked quietly to his study. Once inside, he sat down at his desk, pulled out the bottle of sake and filled his glass all the way to the top. He chugged it one gulp, not even bothering to taste it.

_Ridiculous._

_

* * *

_

Julie hadn't gone to sleep like she had wanted to. Instead, she sat in the hold and fumed quietly, plumping her thin pillow and trying to get comfortable on her cot.

"Somethin' eatin' at you, hon'?" Bo-Fen's voice queried from the cot next to hers. "I could hear you stomping all the way down the stairs."

"I wasn't trying to wake you up. Stupid jerk. Does he really think I'm stupid enough to believe that I'm a bender? I mean, seriously!"

"Prince Zuko's on your mind again, I see." The snide comment made Julie jerk up into a sitting position, her face flushed in indignation.

"As if! Anyway, he's not the only one. I swear, one of these days I'm going to knee Lieutenant Jee straight in the crotch! All of his manners-bull...do you know what he said to me just now?" Julie's voice twisted into a sing-song impersonation. "_Show Prince Zuko due curtesy, young lady._ Young lady. As if I were a child or something!"

Bo-Fen went very still. "I hope you didn't say anything stupid," she said bluntly.

Julie sniffed. "I told him to quit acting like my father. That's all. It's not like I cursed him out or anything. I _wanted _to, though."

The older girl uttered a low curse. "Sweet Agni, it's like you're a bubbling geiser for the worst possible things to say to people."

"What's wrong?"

"What's wrong! Are you seriously trying to tell me no one _warned _you about Cheng?"

Julie paused, turning to stare at Bo-Fen. "Cheng...who's Cheng?"

* * *

Hours later, the Lieutenant had gone through half the bottle. A significant portion of the candle had melted away, casting a low red glow over the portrait that had been carelessly tossed out on the desk. In it, a young girl was smiling a wide, dimpled grin. She was still a child, but her eyes were large and pretty. She seemed to be laughing at something someone had said seconds ago. Her long, pin-straight black hair swayed in the breeze.

Jee had taken the kimono out of the trunk again. It had been the kimono he had given Julie to wear as a disguise back at the docks. But taken out of that context, it held a deeper significance.

_"I'm sure she'll like the dress," Iroh had commented as Lieutenant Jee made the purchase._

_"I hope so. I feel terrible for missing her birthday. She's sixteen now, you know...and she's due to be married next summer," Jee added, running his hand over the fabric fondly. But there was a sad gleam to his eyes. "I wish I could be there, but I have my orders. I've missed...so much of her childhood. How can I blame her for not replying to my letters anymore?"_

_Iroh put a hand on his shoulder. "I'm sure it is merely a phase. Teenagers can be rather...difficult at times. They act impulsively, say and do things that they may later regret. That is why we must quietly sit by and guide them." For a moment, the General's eyes skirted to a much younger Prince Zuko, who was yelling something at one of the engineers. He sighed._

_"That's the thing," Jee murmured. "I can't guide her. I can't even see her. Not while I'm on this crazy goose-chase."_

_"Stay hopeful, my friend. We might complete this mission sooner than you think."_

_"Please. The Avatar hasn't been seen in a hundred years. Do you really think that your thirteen year old nephew is going to be the one to find AND capture him? Erm...no offense, General Iroh, Sir."_

_"None taken. Zuko himself wonders the same thing a lot of the time. But he is determined to succeed."_

Lieutenant Jee ran his hand over the now dirt-smudged kimono. At the time, it had been an impulsive decision to lend it to Julie...one that he half regretted, given both its current condition and the fact that her escape attempt failed miserably. For days afterwards, he wondered why he even bothered to give it to her in the first place.

But then, it wasn't as if _she _would ever wear it. He had sent it to her as a birthday gift, and it had been returned, unopened.

Jee took another sip of his sake as Julie's words came back to him. _I don't need a father, and I sure as hell don't want one either. _

There was a soft knock on the door.

"Dammit," the Lieutenant cursed, slamming his glass down on the desk. "What do you want? Can't you see I'm busy?"

Shen-Long turned the knob and tentatively poked his head into the room. "Lieutenant Jee? I have the maps you requested and...are you all right, Sir?"

Clearly, he had noticed the bottle of sake and the bleary-eyed look his superior officer was giving him. Almost like he couldn't _see _him very clearly. It made him pause, especially when he saw the kimono in the man's arms.

"Oh, Agni. Not again."

"Shen-Long," Jee muttered. "How's my daughter?"

Shen-Long sighed. Quietly, he closed the door and took the bottle of sake away from the Lieutenant. "I think you've had enough, Sir. Your daughter wouldn't want to see you like this, would she?"

"She never answered my letter. No respect...none."

"She couldn't help it, Sir. You know that." Shen-Long spoke as he straightened up Jee's desk. He hesitated as his hands came across the portrait, but after a slight pause he opened up the drawer he knew it belonged in, rolled it up carefully, and slipped it inside. The candle had been extinguished and thrown in the trash, along with the sake bottle.

"That girl..." Lieutenant Jee's brow furrowed. "That girl has no respect. She said I'm acting like her father. Can you believe her?"

"Um...who, Sir?"

"Julie. She's nothing like Cheng. Nothing at all."

Shen-Long saw immediately what had set this on. Mentally, he cursed Julie's low blow, ignorant though it was. He knew there was no way the girl could have known about Lieutenant Jee's daughter. But as the General was fond of saying, "a vase still breaks even if we have our eyes closed when it falls." And Jee's face looked exactly like a broken vase...well, metaphorically speaking.

"Now, Cheng...she knew how to act. She'd never talk to me like that. She'd have...she'd have listened to me."

"I know, Sir," said Shen-Long quietly.

"You want the picture of a lady, you should have seen my daughter. Most beautiful, well-mannered girl in the entire southern province...more than good enough of a wife for General Choi. She didn't want to marry him, at first, you know. But I told her it was for her own...for her own future."

"Of course, Sir. Why don't you go to bed? You have to rise early tomorrow. Remember, the inspection?"

Lieutenant Jee hiccuped. "Tell my daughter good night, Len-Shong...I mean Shen-Long. Tell her I'm sorry. I knew she was unhappy about Choi...but I didn't mean for this to...to..."

His words trailed off as a heavy silence filled the room.

"Go to sleep, Sir. It's late."

The superior officer only mumbled something that sounded eerily like a nursery rhyme. Shen-Long swallowed the lump in his throat and pushed the Lieutenant up on to his feet. Then, grabbing his shoulders firmly, he guided him towards his bed. His footsteps were unsteady, and it took about a minute to get the man to close his eyes. Shen-Long heaved a sigh as Jee's breathing finally slowed, indicating that he was finally resting.

"Poor man."

Outside the door, the floor creaked. Shen-Long frowned, annoyed that someone had been eavesdropping, stomped to the threshold and pulled open the door. He was ready to tear into whomever had been inconsiderate enough to spy on the Lieutenant during one of his _low _moments.

But he wasn't expecting to see Julie there, her eyes wide and flooded with confusion.

"What...what are you...?"

"Is Lieutenant Jee okay?" she blurted, her voice higher than normal.

She looked almost childlike as she blinked up into Shen-Long's face. For a second or two, the soldier just stared at the girl. He was barely able to keep his jaw from sinking to the floor in surprise.

"I...I mean...not that I came to apologize or anything. He was the one who was being so...condescending. I shouldn't even be here, right?"

"No," Shen-Long agreed quietly. "You shouldn't."

Julie averted her gaze, flushing red in embarrassment. "It's just that...Bo-Fen told me...told me..._everything_. And...she wouldn't let me sleep until I talked to Lieutenant Jee." Quickly, her stammering took an angry tone, as it was prone to do whenever the girl got nervous...at least, as far as Shen-Long had noticed. "But, dammit! How the hell was I supposed to know that his daughter had gone and..."

"That's enough," he snapped coldly.

Her mouth snapped shut. She looked like she had been slapped in the face.

"Do you want the whole ship to hear you? For once in your damn life, girl, _think _before you speak. Do you think it will help the Lieutenant any if his men were to find out what happened to Cheng? Do you?"

Silently, Julie stared at her feet. She looked remorseful and confused, her mouth curved into the shape of an upside-down V.

"There are some things a man needs to keep to himself. Give the Lieutenant that much, at least."

"I'm _sorry_."

Shen-Long scrutinized Julie for a moment. She wouldn't, or couldn't, meet his gaze. Indeed, for once she really did seem sorry. Her very posture was the admission of guilt. For a split second, he was reminded of the kind of girl she must have been as a child...small and unsure of herself.

"Forget about it," he said curtly. "I'm not the one you need to apologize to. And you can talk to the Lieutenant tomorrow, when he's sober."

Julie winced. "Okay," she whispered.

Then, quickly, the girl turned abruptly and scurried away, disappearing around the corner in the blink of an eye. She was all too eager to try to forget what she had learned, it seemed. Shen-Long couldn't blame her. The Lieutenant was still trying to forget too.

* * *

"You idiot," Bo-Fen snapped. "Cheng was Lieutenant Jee's daughter! His only daughter!"

Julie frowned at her. "What do you mean..._was_? What happened to her?"

The older girl heaved a sigh, running her hand through her dark hair. She shook her head, despairingly. "Of course, you don't know. How could you know? You weren't here when it happened." Bo-Fen sat up on her cot, giving Julie a severe look. "Listen closely, hon', because I'm not going to tell you this again. Not many people know about Cheng, and with good reason. The Lieutenant doesn't like to talk about her."

Julie nodded. "I'm listening," she muttered.

Bo-Fen gave her a _look_. "Before Lieutenant Jee got his position in the Fire Navy, he was involved with the daughter of a wealthy merchant named Hsia. This was when he was living in one of the Southern provinces. He loved Hsia, but the thing was, she was born and raised as a citizen of the Earth Kingdom. If she had married him, she'd have been called a traitor by her friends and neighbors."

Bo-Fen's voice dropped, so she was speaking barely above a whisper.

"Hsia got pregnant, and Lieutenant Jee tried to convince her to marry him. But her father found out and...well, he was furious. He kept her from contacting him. So the rest of the time passed, and Hsia gave birth to a girl she named Cheng. Jee tried to visit them a number of times, but was barred contact. Eventually, he found out the truth...that Hsia had died in childbirth."

Julie stared at her with wide eyes. "So...what happened to Cheng?"

"She was raised by her grandfather. By that time, Jee was able to make a deal with him, to be allowed to see Cheng once a year...on her birthday. But soon, Jee got promoted to Lieutenant. His commanding officers didn't know that he had a young daughter. It had all been kept quiet, for the girl's sake. If word had gotten out that Jee had an illegitimate child in the _Earth Kingdom_, he _never _would have gotten promoted...and Jee had plans for Cheng's future."

"Plans?"

"He wanted the best for his daughter. He wanted to protect her and provide for her since he couldn't do that for Hsia. So, when Cheng was of age, he arranged a marriage for her with General Choi."

Julie jumped. "He did _what_?"

Bo-Fen shrugged. "They were on relatively good terms, you know. It wasn't like he was giving her away to a stranger. But Choi thought that Jee's relation with Cheng's grandfather was purely business related. The man didn't know he was proposing to his Lieutenant's daughter."

Julie looked angry. "I bet Cheng hated it. How could Jee do something so freaking cold like that? To his own daughter! I mean, I can understand him trying to marry me off...we don't exactly get along. But his _daughter_?"

"General Choi was and still is one of the richest men in the Fire Nation," said Bo-Fen quietly. "If Cheng had gone through with the marriage, she would have been provided for, for the rest of her life...and then some."

"But...wait. She didn't go through with the marriage? She ran away?"

Bo-Fen was very still. "No. She considered herself to be an Earth Kingdom citizen, and was loyal to her people. The thought of marrying one of the men trying to destroy her country was apparently...abhorrent to her. Or so I seem to understand. This part is pure speculation. I mean...no one really knows for sure why Cheng hung herself. But we assume that this was the reason."

Julie froze. "Oh, God."

"Yeah."

"She...she _hung _herself?"

"That's right."

Silence.

"Lieutenant Jee may be a lot of things," Bo-Fen told her squarely. "But he's still human. Shen-Long and I both know how much he wishes he can go back and spend more time with Cheng...to get to know her better. He wishes he could have raised her himself...maybe then he'd be able to understand why she would want to kill herself.

"He wants to fix his mistakes just like anyone else," she added. "He might not even realize that he's trying with the wrong person...and too late."

Julie didn't say a word. Silently, she climbed out of her cot and went to the door. Bo-Fen watched her cooly as she opened it and slipped out into the hall, padding quickly up the stairs. The sound of her footsteps faded within seconds.

"I guess he's not the only one who wants to fix things," she said to no one.

* * *

**A/N: So? Was it sad? Again, I'm sorry to start off this fun little fic with such a downer, but I thought it was too good not to post. I guess this isn't so much an omake as it is a depressing one-shot...well, two shot. There's a conclusion on the way if this chapter receives enough attention. Well? Anyone else itching for a conclusion to this? **

**Part II will be a lot more light-hearted and fluffy. Julie will try to make amends with Lieutenant Jee, but seeing as we're talking about _Julie _here, it all goes horribly awry. Zuko's going to need a hell of a lot of therapy when this is over. That's all I'm saying.**

**Did you like it? REVIEW!**


	3. Lieutenant Jee's Secret Part II

**A/N: So, judging by all the reviews I got (Distant-Moon does a mini-fist-pump), I am more then happy to provide the second part of "Lieutenant Jee's Secret." Again, if it weren't for all you loyal, bubbly readers leaving me these reviews, chances were I'd get very bored and end up spontaneously switching fandoms (as I am sometimes prone to do whenever I take too much time away from my writing, or when I randomly have a dream involving another fandom...). **

**Yes, it is thanks to you readers that I can continue pushing on with this fic. Well, that and the fact that my subconscious has become extremely, extremely boring. Do you know what I have been dreaming about lately? Conveyer belts. FREAKING conveyer belts. I swear to God I wish I was kidding, but I'm not. WHAT KIND OF FREAK DREAMS ABOUT GODDAMN CONVEYER BELTS EVERY SINGLE NIGHT?**

**Ahem.**

**Anyway, before I launch into another tangent, here's part II. I hope you enjoy! ^-^**

* * *

**"Lieutenant Jee's Secret; Part II"**

Julie sighed. "I can't believe I'm _actually _doing this," she muttered, holding the russet colored servant's dress in her hands. She eyed the garment as though the sight of it brought her physical pain.

"Be glad it isn't pink," Bo-Fen replied. "And I'm sure you'll look cute in it."

The redhead cringed. "I _hate _that word."

"What word? Cute?"

"Arrrghh!"

"Look at it _this _way. Lieutenant Jee wants you to be a lady. By dressing properly and throwing some girly manners his way, he's bound to recognize that you're at least _trying_. Since you're too chicken to apologize to him directly, this is your best shot at making amends with the man."

Julie didn't reply. She had thrown herself behind the changing screen and began reluctantly stripping out of her armor. After a few minutes, her hand shot out from behind the screen. Bo-Fen obliged her by handing over the dress. There was no small amount of dark muttering as Julie pulled on the hated outfit.

"Well," Bo-Fen called. "Let's see, then."

Heaving a sigh, Julie poked her head around the edge of the screen. "Do I have to?" she asked.

"Come on, I haven't got all day hon'. Move it or lose it."

Another sigh. "Fine."

With a slow, careful lack of enthusiasm, Julie came out of hiding. Bo-Fen fell silent. For a minute, nothing was said between the two. To her own consternation, the redhead found herself blushing in embarrassment. She thought that the older girl's lack of an audible response meant that she looked rather subpar...or worse...

"Cute," Bo-Fen finally assented, nodding at the stone-faced girl.

Half way across the globe, the smoldering ruin that had once been Avatar Roku's home island rumbled like an overweight man with massive heartburn. The once-thought-to-be-dormant volcano not only stirred (which was startling enough to the Fire Sage historians excavating the site), but literally _seethed _in anger.

"ARRRRRRGGGHHH!" Julie howled, clutching her ears.

The frightened sages couldn't get to their boats fast enough as they fled the island, rambling like madmen about angry spirits.

Bo-Fen, on the other hand, appeared unmoved.

"You done?" she asked.

"Y-yeah. I think so."

"Good. Because rule number one in Fire Nation lady etiquette is _never argue_. If someone says you're cute, you thank them..._politely_," she added, seeing the mutinous look on Julie's face. "If someone says you're a horse-faced lunatic with no breasts, you _smile_, but delicately. Oh, crap! Do you even know _how _to smile?"

Julie looked offended. "Of _course_ I know how to smile! Haven't you ever seen me smile before?" she demanded.

Bo-Fen was dead silent.

"Oh."

"You should give it a try, hon'. If you do it right, it'll melt a man's heart and make life a hell of a lot easier for ya'. It might even convince Jee that you don't need etiquette lessons anymore, that you could win a guy over without divine intervention. Wouldn't that be nice?"

Julie grimaced. "I...I guess so. I just...I _hate _the idea of _agreeing _with Lieutenant Jee's sexist pap. It feels too much like a surrender...you know?"

"Look, if you get the urge to disembowel someone, just channel it into a passive grin. Think of your smile as a sewage grate. Let it drain away your anger."

She gave Bo-Fen a _look_. "For both our sakes, it had better work. I'm not stupid. I know you have another bet running with Chaang and his butt-munch friends to see how long it takes for me to crack." For a second, her irritation seemed to ebb away. "Why did you only give me until sunset? Everyone else was only willing to bet a half an hour at best."

The female soldier stretched her triceps. "One, you feel guilty as hell, and that tends to motivate ya', hon'. As for number two...well...I think you'll understand once sunset rolls around."

Julie narrowed her eyes. "What are you planning?"

Bo-Fen didn't even bother trying to look innocent. Instead, she sent Julie a smile that sent chills down her spine. "Aren't you going to be late for your lesson?" she asked pointedly. "After all, hon'...tardiness isn't very ladylike."

* * *

_Goddamn hangovers..._

This was the thought running through Lieutenant Jee's mind as he had his men line up for their weekly inspection. Of course, given his massive headache and his mere four hours of sleep, the man was in a foul mood; one that could rival one of Zuko's. Simply put, he was merciless in his scrutiny, tearing into the unfortunate squadron of ex-convicts to the point where he even made a few grown men cry. Less than usual, but still...it was a sorry sight.

But it wasn't only the sobbing that grated on Jee's already frayed nerves. _Oh, for the love of Agni...I've got to give that damn brat her etiquette lesson this afternoon. Shit in a bucket, why do I keep doing this? _He wondered this as he stared bleakly at the few inconsolable soldiers. Their companions patted them on the back and shot the Lieutenant stern glares, as though to say, "See what you just did?"

His head hurt too much for him to be able to process even the concept of remorse. Feeling it was simply beyond him this morning.

Grudgingly, the Lieutenant let his men go back to their scheduled shifts for the day. He could barely swallow his bitterness as he went down to his study. His head felt like a giant bell vibrating the national anthem of the Fire Nation, and it took all of his self-control not to crawl into bed and lock the door for the rest of the day. But no...there was still Julie, that ungrateful brat.

She acted like his lessons were torturous, but he was the one suffering. Dear Agni, the girl was a nightmare...an ill-mannered shrew. If he could find anyone to marry her, it would be a miracle.

_Let's hope it's sooner than later_, he prayed as he clutched his aching temples.

Promptly at noon, there was a knock on the door. Jee blinked.

_It can't be Julie. She doesn't show up until Prince Zuko or General Iroh drags her in. Must be Shen-Long...wonder what he wants._

Grumbling, the Lieutenant lumbered to his feet and opened the door. He stared at the person standing on the threshold. He blinked a few times. He rubbed his eyes, thinking for a moment that the heat and lingering hangover had somehow caused him to have hallucinations...or a stroke. Other than that, he really couldn't think of a plausible explanation for what he was seeing.

"I...I have arrived, Lieutenant Jee," said Julie clearly and concisely, bowing the way he had always nagged at her to do. To his surprise, she remembered to keep her eyes pointed at her shoes...wait...where were those blasted soldier boots she was always wearing? Come to think of it...was that a _dress _she was wearing?

"What?" he said intelligently.

Julie seemed to wince, but didn't move from her bow. "I came for my lesson this afternoon. May I enter, Sir?"

Sir? _Sir? _Since when had the girl ever bothered to address him with _honorifics _before? And she wasn't even being sarcastic...at least, he didn't _think _that she was. She didn't sound like it, anyway. Rather, she kept her tone soft and polite, almost...feminine.

On any other girl, the effect would have been soothing. But hearing it from Julie was frightening as hell.

"Um...come in..." Lieutenant Jee murmured uncertainly, stumbling out of the way so that the girl could enter. As she rose neatly from her bow and quietly entered the room, he realized with a start that she was walking...gracefully. Or trying to, at the very least. The surprised naval officer had to admit that it was a good effort, too, in spite of her occasional missteps...but how the hell had the brat learned to do that at all?

He sure as hell hadn't taught her...not yet, anyway. Last time he checked, Julie couldn't even keep from slouching in her seat. And yet there she was, walking semi-fluidly, and _oh, Agni, _what was she waiting for now? She was just standing there, staring at her toes again.

Lieutenant Jee narrowed his eyes. "Are you...feeling all right, Julie?"

"Thanks for your concern, but I'm feeling fine today, Lieutenant Jee," she replied smoothly. "Is it all right for me to sit?"

His jaw hung open like a busted gate. "What did you just say to me?"

Julie jumped. She looked alarmed. "Crap," she murmured. Then she winced. "I mean...er...sorry. I meant to say, is it all right for me to sit..._Sir...?_"

"Did you just...ask _permission_?"

"Aren't I...supposed to?"

Lieutenent Jee just stared and stared at her. It was like watching a kitten being mangled in the jaws of a catfishgator; it was horrifying, but he couldn't look away. All the while, Julie began to look very uncomfortable. As though she just realized she had been staring, the girl immediately dropped her gaze to the floor again, her posture as demure and unassuming as possible.

"Just...just sit down then," he sputtered, still choking on his own spit. _Maybe it's just...some kind of elaborate prank_, he thought. _The girl is probably trying to get me to let my guard down by acting civil_.

Julie looked relieved. "Thank you," she said.

Lieutenant Jee gave a start. Her reply had been the equivalent of someone setting off a firecracker right next to his ear. But he chose to ignore it. If the brat was so determined to send him up a wall with her...bizarre transformation, he wasn't going to give her the satisfaction. In fact, if she wanted _her lesson _so badly, he would give her one. It would be the most mind-numbing, monotonous and all-together fruitless lesson he could possibly think of.

In short, he decided that the time was ripe for Julie to learn to pour tea. Like a lady, mind you. It took him approximately ten minutes to get everything ready, but it was effort well-spent, he decided. He would show that miserable girl who was boss once and for all.

Primly, he set the massive ceramic tea kettle in front of the redhead, who was still careful not to make eye contact. "The act of pouring tea is considered to be an act of _submission_," he stated, giving Julie a significant look. "Therefore, it is a vital skill for a _young woman _to know. You must not be too hasty, or you will spill the tea. But if you take too long, you will wear out the patience of the people you are trying to serve."

"Yes, Sir."

Jee narrowed his eyes at her. "I didn't give you permission to speak."

Julie cringed again before sinking into a tiny, apologetic gesture. She didn't utter a single word. The Lieutenant found the silence, as well as the compliancy of his young ward, to be rather...disturbing. In fact, the girl before him contrasted so jarringly with the scowling, insubordinate girl in his memories that he began to wonder if they were even the same person. Perhaps spirits were the cause...

"Ahem," he coughed, feeling awkward. "That's better."

Julie lifted her gaze so that she was staring neutrally at the tea kettle. "I won't speak out of turn again...Sir. I'm sorry if I came across as being disrespectful."

Sufficiently thoroughly weirded out at this point, Lieutenent Jee decided that enough was enough. As antagonistically as he could, he towered over her and turned up his nose. "I _still _didn't give you permission to speak. A lady _never _speaks unless spoken to. After all, women are best appreciated when no one notices that they're around."

He was _sure _that would have gotten a rise out of her. It _should _have. Julie almost looked up, but stopped herself just in time. Her brow twitched as she fought the urge to scowl. Then, almost grimacing in the process, she forced the faintest of smiles onto her unwilling face. It was like watching glass shattering.

"Of course," she whispered, since Jee was apparently expecting a reply.

The Lieutenant realized his mouth was hanging open again, and quickly snapped it shut. He looked like he was being force-fed something foul from the dungeon piss-buckets. "Now, pour the tea."

With trembling hands, Julie tentatively grasped the kettle. Then, as she lifted it up, confusion flitted into her eyes. But again, she suppressed any of her body's attempts at involuntary self-expression.

"Lieutenant Jee? How am I supposed to hold a kettle this...big?"

"For the love of Agni, girl! Do I have to show you _everything_?"

Julie kept silent, her smile looking more discordant and _wrong _on her face with every passing second. Actually, it didn't look so much like she was smiling anymore so much as she looked like she was in pain. Her cheeks were flushed in what Jee thought was pent up frustration, a good sign. Soon she would show her true colors and tell him where to go.

"I'm sorry," she replied quietly. "I...I...don't know _how. _That's why you have to show me. Please?"

He scowled. "Just try to pour the tea, Julie. I'm sure that even _you _can't manage to screw _that _up."

Julie tried. The kettle was obviously too big, but Jee had done that deliberately. It would make it harder for her not to spill the tea, but it would teach her better self-control by practicing with it. But more importantly, it would drive the girl nuts, which was really what the vindictively hung-over Lieutenant was aiming for. It was a low blow, but he wasn't expecting her to actually try anyway. He was still waiting for her to let go of the kettle and utter a string of curses for his benefit.

Instead, her small hands struggled with the massive pot. When it was full, even Jee had to admit that it was somewhat heavy. And it was filled almost to the top with piping hot tea. Biting her lip, she hefted the kettle over to Jee's empty cup but hesitated. Her eyes timidly met the Lieutenant's before flickering back to the cup. Try as she might, she couldn't seem to tilt it far enough without dropping it all together.

Finally, Jee couldn't take it anymore. He was convinced that she _really was _going to end up spilling scalding hot tea everywhere. Rushing over, he hastily snatched the kettle from her hands and held it away from her. He was furious.

"What in the name of Agni is the _matter _with you, Julie? Are you _trying _to drop the damn thing?"

"N-no," she mumbled.

"A lady speaks clearly. Now, answer me again. Only this time, try not to sound like you have a mouth full of stones."

"I said, no," she said, a little louder. Her face was really red now, but she kept her expression carefully blank. Even so, Jee noticed how _glassy _her eyes were, like she hadn't slept well the night before. Abruptly, he gave up the notion that she was plotting against him and started to consider the very real possibility that something was actually _wrong_.

"Are you running a fever?" he asked bluntly.

Julie's entire face twitched. She didn't reply.

Jee just frowned at her. "Maybe you should just...go lie down. Forget your lesson for today." He sighed, turning to put the kettle back on to the table. "In fact, maybe we should just forget about the etiquette training all together. It's obvious you aren't cut out for it...and neither am I, for that matter."

That, ironically, was the straw the broke the camel's back.

"No! What are you...you can't just do that! Dammit, you can't...I _want _to be a lady! Teach me, you jerk!"

Jee was so startled by the reply that the kettle slipped right out of his hands. It shattered on to the floor, soaking the carpet in the brownish liquid. But the Lieutenant didn't notice. He had already wheeled around to face the upset girl, wearing a look of intense alarm on his face; now more than thoroughly convinced that she had lost her mind.

If everything had been going normally, he would have already been dressing her down for her profanity and name-calling. But as it was, he couldn't wrap his brain around the fact that Julie, _Julie _had just told him that she _wanted _to be a lady.

Oh, God. She was _dying_, wasn't she?

"General Iroh!" he yelled, making a beeline for the door. Practically kicking it open, the naval officer sprinted for the stairs, screaming at the top of his lungs. "It's an emergency! Come quickly!"

Within seconds, the sound of his frantic footsteps had ebbed away. There was a tense moment of silence as a very startled Julie swallowed the lump in her throat. She couldn't quite process what had happened. Eventually, however, her gaze slid to the toppled over kettle. She drank in the sight of the tea-stained area rug, the shards of the destroyed tea pot (which she was pretty sure had belonged to Iroh), and felt all the color leave her cheeks.

"Oh...snap. I am _so_...fucking...dead."

* * *

Zuko was having a relatively good day as far as being in exile went. Sure, he still hadn't managed to capture the Avatar, but the sky was clear, the helmsman was on point with their target, and it was likely that they would have another sky-bison sighting any day now. As a matter of fact, Zuko was feeling rather optimistic, and decided that he could afford to spend his afternoon practicing his Firebending.

Even better, that annoying peasant girl should be in her etiquette lesson with Lieutenant Jee, so he didn't have to worry about her screwing up his concentration.

The session passed without incident, something that should have immediately made Zuko suspicious. Instead, he found himself relishing in the well-spent opportunity to stretch his muscles. The offset of it all was that now he was somewhat sweaty and needed to make himself more presentable in case one of his mortal enemies should come to call.

So, after a quick wash-up, he went back to his room to change back into his normal attire. Zuko quickly dabbed his face and neck dry with a towel. Completely unaware, he fingered the waist of his sparring pants as he opened the door to his closet.

**(A/N: Faaaaan-service.)**

"W-what the...?"

Julie was huddled in the back of the armoire, in the fetal position, looking like the survival of a massacre. Or the victim of an impending one. Her shell-shocked eyes flickered to Zuko before a heated flush crept across her face.

A couple of seagulls perched on the crow's nest flew away in alarm as a faint shriek echoed past the hull and into the open air.

The Fire Prince felt his entire body stiffen, immediately glad he hadn't stripped down before he went to get his clothes. "Get...out," he said in a lethal whisper, stabbing a finger towards the middle of the room.

Julie had her face hidden beneath her hands. "Fuck! I...I just needed a place to hide! I wasn't trying to...trying to spy on you or anything!"

"OUT!"

In one motion, he grabbed the girl by the scruff of her collar and dragged her out of the closet. He held her in front of her, prepared to shake a healthy sense of fear and _personal space _into Julie's head when he finally seemed to notice the fabric he had clenched into his fist. It wasn't her usual red tunic. Blinking in surprise, he realized that she was in a _dress_.

To his displeasure, he was immediately reminded of the incident back on the docks, when had to pull her out of Zhao's _tent _wearing such a garment. If he didn't know something was dreadfully amiss before, he certainly knew it now.

"Please, your Highness," Julie squeaked. "Y-you can't make me go out there! General Iroh is going to _murder me_, Sir!"

Zuko blinked, forgetting entirely what he was doing. "Since when do you call me _your Highness?_" he demanded. "And what are you babbling about?"

"The tea! I...I spilled the tea! Iroh's tea!"

That was all he needed to hear. Though still bewildered by her uncharacteristic usage of the honorific, it only took his brain two seconds to process her reply and for a look of alarm to crease his face. Frantically, he pushed Julie back into the closet. "You may be an annoying peasant," he stated darkly. "But not even _you _deserve Uncle once the tea gets spilled. Stay in here if you want to live."

Zuko was about to shut the door on her when the girl _bowed_, her forehead touching the floor of the armoire. The Fire Prince froze, disbelief etching across his face. Julie, of course, couldn't see it because her face was planted on the ground...in _gratitude_.

"Thank you, Prince Zuko," she murmured.

His golden eyes blinked. "Wait...did you just call me..._Prince_ Zuko?"

Instead of Julie making a bitingly sarcastic remark about him being the Prince of Emo's (whatever an emo was; but even though Zuko had never heard the term before, he was sure it was something unpleasant...or really, really annoying), she went very still. From what little Zuko could see of the guilty look on her face, he could tell that she believed she was in trouble. He could almost see the cogs turning in her skull as she tried to think of an appropriate reply.

"I'm sorry," she said quickly. "I meant to say...um...thank you, _your Highness_."

Zuko stared at Julie as though she were completely deranged. "Okay, I'll bite. What's going on? Why are you acting so...so...weird?"

"What do you mean? I feel fine...great, actually. In fact, I think I might..." Here, Julie paused as she tried to think of a gender-appropriate activity to toss Zuko's way. But as the seconds passed, a flash of deep suffering glinted in her eyes. "..._embroider a pillow_ later."

The Fire Prince didn't move a muscle. "Embroider? _You _want to _embroider_?"

"Yeah," Julie lied, feeling absolutely miserable. "It...it sounds like..._fun_."

"FUN?"

Oh, sweet Agni, it was obvious now. Zuko had heard the rumors of a very fatal plague that tended to break out at sea, one that many merchants and sailors talked about in tense whispers. Allegedly, as the illness progressed, the tissue of the brain would slowly fester and turn into mush. And the longer he stared at the now girly, embroidery-loving Julie McVay, the more and more convinced he was that she had somehow contracted the deadly malady.

Sure, the last he had heard you could only get it after eating live elephant-rats. But who was Zuko to leave something to chance like that? At least, this was what he was telling himself as he edged slowly away from the closet, his face growing more ashen by the second.

"Your Highness?" said Julie, looking perplexed by his reaction. "Is something wrong?"

"Uh...uh...uh..."

"What is it?" she asked, now sounding very concerned as she crawled out of the closet. She ran over to him, but hesitated as she was about to grab Zuko's shoulders. After all, that wouldn't have been very ladylike. "Are you choking?"

"N-no!" he yelped, staggering backwards and falling into a potted plant. "Stay away!" Frantically, he tried to remember if the plague was in any was _contagious._ At the same time, he kept his eyes locked on Julie, trying to ascertain just how far the illness had progressed. Maybe there was something that could be done for the poor, deranged girl...

"Do you want me to make you some...tea?" she asked after a moment of hesitation.

...nope. She was clearly a goner.

"UNCLE!"

Julie flinched as Zuko's bellow pierced the room. She almost fell over as he all but threw himself out of the potted plant and raced out of the room, his feet pounding down the metal track that led towards the room where the General slept. For a moment, she felt a spasm of panic, thinking that now Iroh would know where to find her...and _kill_ her.

"Oh, God...!"

What had she done to deserve this? That was what Julie was trying to figure out as she stood there, rooted to that one spot on Zuko's area rug. She had done _everything _Bo-Fen told her to do. She had done her part, dammit! She had followed _all _the _rules! _She hadn't broken character _once_, and what did it get her? A death warrant for _spilled tea!_

But wait. Zuko and Lieutenant Jee hadn't seemed..._mad_ when they went to get Iroh. Actually, Julie knew from experience that the two had one thing in common, and that was this: all tea-related mishaps were immediately forgotten...for their own personal safety, and for the good of mankind. So, maybe they hadn't gone to rat her out after all.

Julie had another thought. _Maybe...maybe they're just surprised. Maybe they're so incredulous that they've gone to tell Iroh. They didn't think I could really be a lady...those jerks!_

In that case, she was going to give them all a very rude awakening. If they were surprised now, just wait until they saw what she could do when she was _really _motivated. Dammit, she would be the most feminine, delicate, and unopposing example of the fairer sex that those pigs ever saw in their sordid, chauvanistic lives. Of that, Julie would personally see to it.

_I'll show _them_, _she thought indignantly. And then, she ran off to find Bo-Fen.

* * *

**A/N: So, what did you think? I know it's a huge contrast from last chapter, but I felt like the angst should be balanced out with some comic relief. Julie is clearly guilt-ridden at causing Jee to drink himself into a stupor last night, and is making a genuine effort to fix things. But since she's not the best at heart-felt apologies, she takes the indirect route and has Bo-Fen turn her into a lady.**

**At which point Bo-Fen accomplishes in two hours what Lieutenant Jee has been attempting to do in two _weeks_. She makes Julie into such a perfect lady that it strikes raw terror in the hearts of all who know her. Lol. I really liked writing this bit. Especially the closet scene with Zuko. That was just...fluffy.**

**Part III is going to be the conclusion, and will have both humor _and _angst, thus tying the two genres together with a pretty pink bow. Julie is going to take her lady act to the next level (perhaps in the process missing the point of doing so in the first place), Iroh gets dragged into the mayhem, Bo-Fen's secret bet gets more and more elaborate, and Jee makes a revelation about Julie that will lead to some resolution to their fight...or not. It depends on if I get enough reviews.**

**So, what are you waiting for? REVIEW!**


	4. Lieutenant Jee's Secret Part III

**A/N: I just spent the last three days celebrating my birthday. February first, in short, turned into an epic real life adventure involving a dramatic arrest at the supermarket where I work, followed by a dinner at Applebee's. Since I just turned twenty-one (fuckin' A!), I was sipping pina coladas and some other fruity drinks until I was tipsy. And that's when the knife-fight happened. Or, _almost _happened. The waiters got the two girls outside before they could stab each other. But it was still really, really cool. **

**Did any of _you _ever witness a knife fight in Applebee's? No. I thought not. Anyway, the gyst of all this is that I've been neglecting my writing this week. I can only hope this chapter meets your standards, oh, reader. Introducing the epically hilarious (I hope) conclusion of "Lieutenant Jee's Secret." Enjoy. ^-^**

* * *

**"Lieutenant Jee's Secret; Part III"**

"So...?"

Iroh looked strangely at Lieutenant Jee. Ten minutes ago the man had burst into his room after borrowing his teapot, screaming that there was an emergency that needed his immediate attention. Now they were back in Jee's study, only to find it empty. After a moment's scrutiny, the only thing Iroh discovered to be amiss was that said teapot was smashed on the ground, the tea sloshing into the area rug next to the table.

"I can see what you mean," said Iroh seriously, bending down to assess the damage of the broken kettle. "This is indeed a travesty. What a _waste _of perfectly good tea...but perhaps all is not lost. We might be able to salvage the teapot."

Jee blinked. "No, Sir! Not the tea that's the problem. It's..."

"Of course it's a problem! Why, the sight of this brings tears to my eyes...it's...so sad...!"

"General Iroh, the tea isn't what I called you in here for," the naval officer tried to explain through gritted teeth. This was getting him no-where _fast_. If only that damn girl hadn't run off like that. If he could only _see _Julie with his _own eyes_, then he'd understand just how desperate in need of help she was. "It's Julie. Sir, I...I don't know how to say this, but...I...I think she's _dying, _Sir."

Iroh looked quickly at the Lieutenant. "How do you know?"

Then, for the next twenty minutes, the patient ex-General found himself being force-fed an endless littany of Julie's various symptoms. He stood there in a numb silence as Jee rattled off warning sign after warning sign that supposedly would lead to the poor girl's demise.

"So you're saying that practically overnight, she's turned into a completely different person? Dressing more femininely? Acting more polite? And she's paying attention to your lessons?"

"Yes..."

"And then, when you offered to permanently dismiss her from her etiquette training, Julie got _upset _and _demanded _that you make her into a lady?"

"YES!"

Iroh blinked at him. Then, a sage-like twinkle appeared in his eyes. "Didn't Julie get into another argument with my nephew last night?" he asked suddenly, not looking at the Lieutenant, but reaching down to pick up one of the shards of his broken teapot. Strangely, it was shaped like a heart.

Jee blinked. "Um...yes, I...suppose she did, Sir. But how is that _relevant_?"

A sad, nostalgic smile appeared on his face. "They argue quite a bit, don't they? One could say that they do this at every possible opportunity."

"I...I guess so."

"Hmmm. I wonder if _Zuko _is the reason Julie suddenly wants to become a lady."

"What do you mean, Sir?"

Iroh's smile became a trifle more amused as he continued plucking shards of ceramic out of the puddle of tea. "Sometimes..." he said slowly, "...a young woman will do very strange things when she is in love."

Lieutenant Jee turned his head so quickly that his neck joints cracked. "You...you're not telling me that...that she and...and _Prince Zuko_..."

"My nephew is not good at expressing how he feels," said the ex-General simply. "But I believe he is somewhat fond of Julie. Perhaps she is starting to reciprocate those emotions...although I doubt she is any better at handling her feelings than Zuko is at handling his own. I think this is the reason they fight so often and so violently."

The two men stared at each other for a moment. Then, Lieutenant Jee sank into the nearest chair, feeling dazed.

"I don't think Julie is _consciously_ making an effort," Iroh added, seeing the look on his face. "I don't think she even realizes how she feels yet. Regardless, it would explain her odd behavior."

"So...so she _isn't dying_?" he said blankly.

Kindly, the Dragon of the West patted the naval officer on the shoulder. "I am sure that there is no cause for alarm. Julie is going to be _just fine_, Lieutenant Jee."

The Lieutenant nodded slowly, looking somewhat relieved. At the very least, some of the color was starting to come back to his cheeks. "Of course," he said, more to himself than to Iroh. "The girl is going to be fine...it's just a crush, I'm sure. And anyway, this can't possibly last. She'll come to her senses soon. She's _not _going to die...she's going to be _fine_."

"That's right," Iroh agreed warily. "There is absolutely nothing wrong with Julie."

"Right. Of course."

Jee finally seemed to take heart. He stood up and coughed into his sleeve, trying to regain some of his former dignity. "I'll be going now, General Iroh, Sir. I should probably find the girl and...er...have a talk with her."

He turned and walked over to the door. He reached out to grasp the handle when all of a sudden the door went _flying _open towards him. Jee jumped backwards, barely avoiding getting smacked in the face with the large sheet of metal. Of course, this caused him to slip on the spilled tea and fall flat on his behind. Fortunately his pride had been hurt more than anything else.

Stupidly, he found himself blinking up at Prince Zuko. He was the one who had _kicked _the door in.

"Uncle!" he yelled, running over to the ex-General and grasping him by both shoulders. "Julie's got the brain plague! You have to do something!"

Jee jolted so violently while trying to get back to his feet that he ended up sliding backwards and falling again. "What?" he demanded, his voice like the cracking of a whip. "Dammit all, I knew it! Where is she?"

Iroh sighed. This was going to be one of _those _mornings, wasn't it?

* * *

"Ow! Stupid fucking needle!"

Bo-Fen sighed. "You're holdin' it wrong. That's why you keep stabbing your thumb. You twit."

Julie scowled, pausing to suck a little on the injured finger. Then, she glared at the bit of embroidery the female soldier had given her to practice with, like it was a mortal foe. Savagely, she picked up the pillow and stabbed the needle into it repeatedly, muttering something about vengeance under her breath.

"Quit getting distracted. Get back to sewing."

With a sigh, Julie picked up the needle (cautiously) and resumed her feverish probing of the fabric. Her brow furrowed in concentration as she tried, in vain, to make her pattern look like a turtleduck. As it were, it barely resembled a passable blob with a beak.

"Fuck," she swore when she realized that she had been sewing on the wrong side of the pillow...again. "I fucking _hate _sewing!"

"You can hate sewing tomorrow," Bo-Fen reminded her. "Right now, you want to be convincin' so that Jee forgives you. You should at least try _acting _like you're enjoying yourself. Come to think of it, what happened to you practicing your smile?"

Julie attempted a smile again as she ran the needle in and out of the pillow. It looked as though she were sucking on a lemon...or perhaps choking on it. However, she managed to keep that expression in place, and the longer she faked that smile, the more genuine it started to look. This was because she was thinking about how sweet it would be to prove Jee and Zuko wrong.

_I can do this_, she thought. _It's not that hard. And once Jee realizes how hard I'm trying, he's bound to forgive me. He'll admit that I'm not a hopeless case. I'll show them._

Bo-Fen stared and stared as Julie's smile became almost serene. "Um...whatcha' thinking about, hon'? I'm almost afraid to ask."

"I'm going to make them eat their words," she said sweetly. "I'll be such a good lady they won't know what hit them."

"Um...I thought you were doing this to apologize..."

"I am," Julie agreed cheerfully. "And I'll be so _properly _apologetic that Jee will be on bended knee apologizing to _me_. He and Zuko don't think I can do this. They looked so surprised when I followed their rules for a change that they couldn't get out of the room quick enough...jerks."

Bo-Fen smiled. "All according to plan," she murmured.

"Huh?"

"Nothing. And don't forget to count your stitches."

* * *

"I think she went up here," Zuko said, leading his uncle and Lieutenant Jee up the stairs leading to the deck. "She said something about embroidery and I _knew_ something was wrong."

"And _you _thought the girl was in _love_," Jee whispered bitterly to a very tired looking Iroh. "Pah!"

The prince paused, turning to fix the Lieutenant with a questioning glare. "What do you mean? In love? _That_ peasant?" His brow furrowed as he considered the possibility. His nose curled as if something foul were in the air. "That's ridiculous. She's clearly got the brain plague. Besides, I can't think of anyone she could possibly be _that _attached to."

Jee opened his mouth to reply, but Iroh stomped on the man's foot. "Of course, nephew," he said calmly, ignoring the pain etched on the naval officer's face. Zuko turned around again, and the ex-General leaned down to whisper in Jee's ear. "There are some things that should be figured out for oneself, don't you agree, Lieutenant?"

Eyes watering, Jee could only nod.

Slowly, the trio pushed open the door at the top of the stairs. Sunlight pooled in from outside, dazzling them for a minute before they got there bearings. The day was nice and relatively warm; perfect picnic weather on deck save for the sea breeze. In fact, the weather was almost overwhelmingly beautiful, the way the sun reflected off the surface of the ocean, the carefully romantic shapes the clouds formed over their heads, the song of the gullturkeys soaring around the masthead and the shouts and laughter of the crew...it was like something out of Robinson Crusoe.

But all of it was lost on Zuko and Lieutenant Jee. Only one thing held their attention, and it was the girl in the russet dress leaning against the railing. She was standing next to Bo-Fen, who seemed to be commenting on something she was...oh, God..._sewing_.

Iroh blinked in astonishment. "Is that..._Julie_?"

Neither of them answered. They were transfixed at the cheerful expression on her face, a smile that seemed so _wrong _given all of the above. Julie was in a dress, sewing a pillow, and _smiling_. This simply did not compute.

"Turtleducks are nice, I guess," Julie was saying as they got closer. She didn't seem to notice them. "I figured it would be an easy pattern to learn until I get better. Though I never knew embroidery was so...difficult. Maybe I should have started with something simpler...like flowers or something. This looks terrible."

"It looks fine," Bo-Fen lied, looking up at Lieutenant Jee and giving him a feigned _help me _look.

"No it doesn't. It's a mess." For a moment, the smile faltlered, and Julie looked somewhat frustrated. At the sight of such a familiar expression on her face, Zuko and Jee exchanged semi-relieved glances. Iroh merely rubbed his chin contemplatively.

"You shouldn't be so hard on yourself. I'm sure you'll get this stuff down if you keep practicing. And remember how much you _love _sewing."

Julie's face twitched as though it were in extreme discomfort. Then, to everyone's shock, the smile returned to her face again. It looked like a weight too heavy for the muscles in her face to carry. Somehow, though, she managed it.

"R-right," she agreed. "I _love _sewing."

"Good God, girl!" Jee exploded. "What in the name of the Spirits is the _matter _with you?"

Julie gave a violent start, the pillow flying out of her hands. Everyone watched as the failed embroidery experiment soared over their heads before arching, in slow motion, over the railing of the ship. Gasping, the redhead lunged towards it and caught it. There was a split second of triumph as she held the pillow tightly in her hands before coming to the realization that she _wasn't holding on to the railing_.

At that moment, the ship lurched as a large wave sent it rolling in the surf. Julie yelped as she lost her balance and fell overboard.

"Julie!" Iroh barked a warning, and Zuko darted forward to catch her ankles, but it was too late. Jee only caught sight of her red hair disappearing over the side of the ship as she plunged into the ocean.

_SPLASH!_

The Lieutenant froze, temporarily unable to breathe.

* * *

_"Dad, watch me," six-year-old Cheng called to a much younger Jee. The little girl shot him a daring grin as she pulled herself up onto the ledge of the fountain. She was perched there on her knees, getting ready to push herself on to her feet._

_"Be careful," he warned her._

_Cheng teetered for a second, startling her father before she managed to catch her balance. Worried, he drifted over to the fountain, standing far too close as the child pretended to be a tight-rope walker._

_"Daddy," she admonished. "You're blocking me. Move!"_

_"Watch your step," he said, reluctantly moving back a few feet. "It's slippery. I don't want you getting hurt...or soaked."_

_For a split second, Cheng looked doubtful. The smile evaporated from her face like a thin mist in the morning dawn. "You don't think I can do it, do you?" she said sadly. "You don't believe in me."_

_Jee didn't answer right away. He was too busy keeping an eye on her feet and not on her face. "You're doing fine, but I'd prefer it if you'd just come down from there. It's not safe."_

_"No."_

_He looked up at his daughter's face, not used to her disobedience. "What did you say?"_

_Cheng looked like she might cry as she folded her arms. "I said, no. I won't come down until I walk all the way around. And you're going to watch and be proud of me, Dad. You're just like grandpa. You don't let me do _anything_ on my own." A flash of obstinacy emerged in her brown eyes as she blinked back tears. _

_"Where did you get these ideas in your head, young lady? Get down from there right this instant before I lose my patience."_

_"No!"_

_"Now," Jee growled, more out of worry than genuine anger. Cheng was so frustrated that she wasn't watching where she was going anymore. It seemed to happen in slow motion as her foot skidded out from underneath her and flung her small body into the pool of cold water._

_SPLASH!_

_Alarmed, the young father scrambled to the fountain and plucked the soaking wet child out of the water. Her robes were completely sodden and dripped everywhere; Cheng's dark hair was plastered to her scalp, and her eyes were wide and filled with tears. She looked up into Jee's face and started bawling at the top of her lungs._

_"Shhh..." he whispered, trying to calm her down. He held her close and dried her tears. "It's okay, now. Daddy's got you, Cheng."_

_"I...I...I'm sorry...!" she wailed._

_"It's fine, dear. Now you know it isn't safe. You'll listen next time, won't you?"_

_The girl sniffled. Her answer surprised him._

_"I...I...just wanted you to b-be proud of me..." _

_Jee stared and stared into his daughter's face. He didn't know what to say._

* * *

The Lieutenant was jolted out of his flashback as he heard the second _SPLASH._

"Nephew!" Iroh called in alarm, running to the side of the ship and staring worriedly into the water. "Prince Zuko!"

Jee blinked and strode over to the railing. Looking down, he caught sight of the young Firebender swimming an overhand stroke towards the spot where Julie had vanished beneath the waves. He held his breath as Zuko sucked in his breath and threw himself under the water.

There was a tense moment of silence as the crew waited. Then, someone cried out:

"He's got her!"

"Fish them out, for Agni's sake!" Jee snarled at the idle men, suddenly remembering himself.

But all the while he bit his lip as he stared at the two teenagers, watching anxiously as Zuko tried to keep Julie from sinking underwater again. It was difficult to tread water while being weighed down someone who didn't seem to know how to swim. The soldiers lowered a rope ladder over the side of the ship, and the prince quickly caught it. Gritting his teeth, he pulled the coughing and sputtering girl on to his back and draped her arms around his shoulders. Slowly, they began to climb back up.

The men all huzzah'd as Zuko finally pushed them over the railing and collapsed on the deck, exhausted. He let go of Julie, and the soaking wet redhead curled up into a little ball, gasping for air.

"You...you crazy...peasant..." he muttered.

Julie just sneezed in reply. Lieutenant Jee rushed towards them and pulled the girl to her feet. Gripping her tightly by the arm, he started to yell at her.

"What the hell were you thinking, girl? Were you trying to _drown_?"

Bewildered, she blinked at him. "J-Jee?"

"Answer me!" he screamed, shaking her. "What possessed you to do something so reckless like that?"

Julie slowly brought her gaze down to her hands. A flicker of alarm crossed her face. "I...I _lost _the pillow..." she muttered. She balled her shaking hands into fists as frustrated tears filled her eyes. "God _dammit! _I lost the pillow! I...I'm a _terrible _lady..."

Zuko, who was being tended to by his uncle, snapped his head up when she said that. It seemed that after all the fuss of her almost drowning, he had forgotten about her serious case of the brain plague...but he remembered _now_. However, as he watched her face dissolve into a furious flood of tears, he started to suspect that it wasn't a _physical _illness at all.

The way she was sobbing and babbling nonsense...it was very reminiscent of someone being _possessed _by _Spirits_.

"She's a Spirit!" he choked, flinging himself out of Iroh's arms and staggering towards the door leading back below deck. "We have to find a cure! Quickly, Uncle! Before it's too late!"

There was numb silence as the sound of his footsteps faded inside the ship. After a while, the soldiers all decided that the show was over, and started to disperse. After thirty seconds, there was only the three of the left on deck.

Iroh merely sighed as he shot Lieutenant Jee a look. "I'll go after him. Stay with Julie, please. I shouldn't be too long..._hopefully._"

The naval officer felt a spasm of panic as the ex-General disappeared below deck in pursuit of his nephew. Slowly, he brought his attention back to the now sobbing/coughing girl in his arms. She didn't seem to notice that Iroh had left. As he sat there, watching Julie cry, all of the anger he had felt from her near-death experience faded on the spot. Eventually, his panic ebbed into complete exhaustion.

"Stop that crying," he told her gruffly. "What's the matter with you? You should be happy you're alive."

Julie glared at him. "I _lost_ the_ pillow_," she said slowly, as though Jee were mentally retarded. She sniffled again, hugging her arms to her sides in an attempt to get warmer. "The pillow I was embroidering. _And _I screwed up the pattern, too."

He stared at her, still not following with her line of reasoning. "So?"

"SO? You were _right_, you jerk! I can't do it! I'm no lady...! I'm the suckiest lady the world has ever seen!" Tears flowed down her cheeks as she stared hatefully at the puddle of seawater she was sitting in. "I...I just wanted to show you I could do it." Timidly, she looked up at him. "I...I was horrible the other night, and I...I thought if I could _show _you how hard I was trying, you'd...forget what I said."

"You said a lot of horrible things," Jee told her. "And since when does _that _bother you? You say nasty things to people all the time. You're just unpleasant in general."

Julie cringed. "I mean...that thing I said, about how you were trying to act like my...like my dad. I didn't know about your...I mean...I didn't know that she..."

The Lieutenant stared at her. "You _know _about Cheng, don't you?"

The redhead could only swallow the lump in her throat and nod miserably. Jee sighed. He placed a hand on her sopping wet hair and moved it out of her face. Part of him was annoyed that nothing was sacred on this ship. He wondered how Julie of all people had found out. But at the same time, he was genuinely moved that she had tried so hard to fix everything. He had no idea that this sudden makeover wasn't just a ploy to lower his guard, or even a sign of a terminal illness. No, all this time she had just been trying to make him _happy_.

He sighed again. _The girl almost died like an idiot doing this. At least I should tell her the _whole _story_.

"It was my fault," he said softly. Julie looked up at him with a start, not expecting him to elaborate on such a painful subject. "I placed a heavy burden on Cheng's shoulders. I was just so determined to see her provided for, I forgot about her own happiness. I just kept pushing and pushing her to find a good husband. How was I supposed to know she had already fallen in love with an Earth Kingdom boy? And that he had rejected her for being from the Fire Nation?"

Julie looked away. For a second or two, she seemed to be searching for the right thing to say. But all there was, was the truth.

"She must have been miserable," she said. "I've never been in love before, but I...I can imagine how much that would..._hurt_. To be around someone all the time and _like _them, but not being good enough for them. It _sucks_."

Jee shook his head slowly. What immediately came to mind was her complicated relationship with Prince Zuko. He was always calling her a peasant, determined to keep a suitable distance between them. While Julie had never exactly _complained _about it (it was true, after all), the Lieutenant couldn't help but wonder if _that _was what she meant about not being good enough for someone.

"There was more to it than that," he said, shaking this thought out of his head. "Cheng was torn between her two heritages. Growing up in that Earth Kingdom colony, I imagine she was something of an outcast among her peers. They told her she was too Fire Nation to join in their games, to be their friend..._I _kept telling her was that she wasn't Fire Nation enough to be my daughter. We were from the colonies, and people from the mainland tend to look down on us...they see us as provincial and uncultured. I wanted Cheng to marry someone from the mainland, and General Choi seemed like an excellent choice..."

He trailed off, grief making his voice hollow.

"I'm sorry," Julie murmured. "I swear to God, I didn't know that when I said that to you last night. It's just that...don't tell anyone else this, especially not Zuko or General Iroh, but...well...my parents aren't really dead. Well, my _mom _is, but my dad..."

Jee looked at her. "Your father is alive?"

The redhead was very still. Her eyes seemed to focus within herself, and they looked _pained_. It was like she was staring at an old wound that couldn't heal, one that only she could see. Unconsciously, her entire body went tense as a fierce expression dominated her countenance.

"I hate him. I wish he were dead," she whispered, as though it were a spell; as though uttering this secret desire too loud would make it come true. "I...I hope he never finds me. He was nothing but a..." she closed her eyes, squeezing out the last word. "..._drunk_. He would get shit-faced almost every night, and he'd get...loud. Angry. Violent."

"He'd hurt you?"

Julie's eyes snapped open. She seemed to have forgotten that the naval officer was listening to her. Her confession wasn't an accident of any kind, but regardless, panic flew into her voice. "If you tell _anyone_, I swear to God I'll kill you, you creep! I...I don't _want _anyone to know!"

Jee looked at the girl. She was deadly serious. Fear and hostility were like electricity, making her face alive with hatred. Her eyes were two blazing coals alight with suspicion and mistrust. Her face was flushed red, but out of shame, not embarrassment. She looked like she wanted to cut out her own tongue for betraying her secret to him.

"Why are you telling me, then?" he asked her. "If it's such a huge secret."

"I already know _your _secret," she muttered. "And...and you need to know why I got mad at you when you called me _young lady_. I shouldn't have been so stupid about your daughter, and I...I want you to forget it. Maybe if you knew about _my _Dad...maybe you wouldn't be mad anymore."

Lieutenant Jee shook his head slowly. "And rather than just _apologizing, _you decide to give me a heart attack with all of this...nonsense. I thought you had lost your mind when you showed up at my study wearing a _dress_." He stared at her for more, not quite knowing what to say. "But...then again, maybe _I _owe you an apology too."

Julie oggled him. "What?"

"I _have _been putting a lot of pressure on you. I didn't realize it until now, but...I've gotten a bit attached to you, girl. As troublesome and frustrating as you are to be around, you have a good heart. And you try your best for the people you care about. I never realized that I've been trying to turn you into another Cheng. Making you act like her, like all the same things she used to like. It's not fair for you at all...you have every right to be angry."

"Don't...don't apologize," she said quietly, looking unnerved. "I don't want..." she shook her head, unable to find the right words. "Quit feeling sorry for me. Apologize only if you _mean _it."

"I do mean it. I'm sorry."

Julie squirmed away from Jee. "Okay, okay. I...I get it. And...I'm sorry too, so can I..._go _now?"

She looked nervous. As though she felt safer in an argument with him than she did making an apology. Jee saw it and smiled. He thought he could see a distinct childishness in her face, the way she bit her lip.

"Go get dried off, before you catch pneumonia," he ordered her. "And...if you want, you can come back tomorrow for another lesson. But...only if that's what you _want_, Julie. I won't force you anymore."

Julie flushed crimson. "_Fine_."

And then, wringing out her hair, the girl rose clumsily to her feet and stomped through the door leading below deck. Jee's smile faded slightly as he thought about what she had just confessed to him. For a moment, he thought of the man she grew up with, the one she had to call her father.

_I don't think Prince Zuko is the reason why that girl is so angry all the time. Maybe part of it...but not all of it. _

* * *

Sunset had arrived.

"Pay up," Bo-Fen ordered, holding her hand out to a furious looking Chaang.

"Dammit," he growled, stuffing his hand into his pocket and pulling out his money-sac. "I knew you had one of your damn tricks up your sleeve, you wench."

"The deal was that Julie could last being a lady until sunset. She fell overboard at approximately four forty nine this afternoon, and the sun was _setting_. Ten minutes later, when she got back inside the ship, she changed back into her boy's clothes. Pay. Up."

"You set the whole thing up!"

"Wasn't against the rules," Bo-Fen replied with a shrug. "You should have paid attention to your investments."

Grumbling, the men had no choice but to fork over their allowance...which encompassed the female soldier's winnings. She smirked gloatingly as she counted the gold pieces and slipped them into the purse hanging from her waist.

"Money is a girl's best friend," she said to herself. "Man, am I good, or _what_?"

* * *

**A/N: Those who do not learn from history are doomed to repeat it. Julie is so desperate to prove herself capable to Lieutenant Jee, she almost ends up making the same mistake twice. And as she throws herself overboard, Jee has a flashback and comes to realize that Cheng only wanted him to believe in her; deep down Julie just wants the same thing: for him to believe that she can be a lady and fulfill his lofty expectations.**

**I really liked writing the opening scene, though. Iroh _just _managed to convince Jee that everything was okay, when _Zuko_ bursts in and starts yelling about a fatal brain disease Julie has. And how Iroh just automatically assumes that love is the culprit. Ironically, Zuko has little or nothing to do with it, but even so I'm such a hopeless romantic that I couldn't resist having him save her. After all, it was convenient; he was still in his sparring clothes, no armor to weigh him down and drown him with...you know.**

**And I know it's this horrible cliche; Mary-Sue OC falls into the water, Zuko dives in to save her. So I compensated by making Zuko's motives as unromantic as possible. Obviously he isn't going to let her _drown _(another common fanfic cliche: "He saved her life, so he _must _be in love with her..." meaning that he would abandon _everyone else _to die simply because he isn't crushing on them. "Why would I save him/her? We aren't _dating_ you know..."), and by the end of the chapter he's still convinced that something is wrong with the girl's head.**

**So? What do you think? REVIEW!**


	5. Latrine Duty

**A/N: So, it's been a really long time since I bothered posting another Deleted Scene. Again, I only meant to do one concept per hundred reviews or so (something I can see as being VERY possible given how long-winded this entire franchise has become...sigh), so I let myself get lazy. However, this idea just came to me, and I couldn't resist running with it.**

**I just want to warn you guys now that this is possibly the most crude thing I have ever written. If you are easily offended or just don't have the stomach for bathroom humor, then just click back now. I won't judge you...well, not much, anyway.**

**I'm serious. This is a vile omake. If you can't handle it, don't read it. I don't want flames.**

**One last but very important note: This omake takes place _after _"Lieutenant Jee's Secret," but _before _the chapter "Pride Cometh Before the Fall" in Happy Endings. Very important distinction given that Julie is still on speaking terms with Zuko and Shen-Long, and is not anywhere near Kyoshi Island just yet. Just thought I'd throw that in there.**

**Okay, now enjoy the shit-heap...I mean, omake.**

* * *

**"Latrine Duty"**

Lieutenant Jee was lost in thought as he went to take his usual shift on deck with the rest of the crew. As a man is prone to do every now and then, Jee was questioning the fabric of existence. Was any of this real? Or was his diseased mind merely _perceiving _his woeful status as the commanding officer of a ship full of ex-convicts and drug addicts...? Why, for all he knew, all of this could simply be the deranged machinations of a twenty-one-year-old girl from another dimension who...who...

"What in Agni's name is that _smell...?_" Jee croaked, pulling the collar of his shirt over his wrinkled nose.

He turned and found to little surprise that he was standing just outside of the _slightly ajar _door of the latrine. He stared at it for a few seconds, his eyes carefully taking note of the suspicious tendrils of an unidentifiable (yet eerily visible) vapor crawling through the cracks around the metal frame. Then, he cursed under his breath.

"Oh, for the love of...not _again_...!"

This was getting ridiculous. Now he knew for a fact that he had asked his men to try to show some restraint in the restroom. Admittedly, that was somewhat _difficult _the one memorable incident when Julie had started learning how to cook. Jee had convinced (well, _bribed_) the chef into giving her some private lessons, thinking it would do her some good when she finally (and miraculously) found herself a husband.

Only after one bite it became clear to anyone with a tongue that the girl simply couldn't make food to save her life, in spite of the man's saintly efforts. Somehow, she had managed to give everyone on the ship food poisoning. And this was saying something because she had only cooked enough food for maybe three or four people.

Jee still had nightmares about the line for the latrine that night.

"I know I told the men to _clean _this damn latrine at least twice a week. Sweet spirits...!" he gagged. "I don't think anyone's touched this place in nigh two _weeks_...!"

Coughing now because of the stench, Jee wheeled around and stomped all the way on to the deck. He strode up to the door before slamming it open with as much authority and indignation as he could muster. Considering that he had just inhaled half-a-month's worth of a shit-heap, it went without saying that he looked _pretty indignant _at that moment.

"All right, you louts!" he yelled. "Whose turn is it to clean out the latrines...?"

Among the bemused spectators amassed on deck were Julie, Shen-Long, and Bo-Fen (taking advantage of the few minutes between her failure of a sparring session with Zuko and her allotted etiquette lesson with Jee to chat); not to mention more than a dozen miscellaneous minor characters, either wearing their menacing Fire Nation face-plate masks, helmets, or both. Because apparently the whole Jason look was _In _this season.

"Dammit to hell," Jee snarled. "I said whose _god-damned _turn is it to _scour those friggin' latrines...?"_

Julie silently rolled her eyes in response to Jee's melodramatic entrance. Though her overall her attitude towards him had softened considerably since learning his secret, she was still her usual flippant self in every other aspect of their relationship. In short, he flounced and she snarked...only now, they no longer saw any reason to _draw blood _over it.

However, everyone else within hearing range immediately bellowed, "NOT IT...!"

Julie froze in mid-eye-roll as the entire ship's gaze collectively slid to her, the only silent person within the vicinity. "Wha...?" she said, belatedly realizing what the stares probably meant. "Oh, hell no! No fucking way!"

"Julie volunteers," Bo-Fen called to Jee.

The redhead nearly choked on her own tongue.

"Yeah," Shen-Long agreed, suddenly clamping his hands over Julie's mouth to keep her from betraying them all. "And think about how prepared she'll be for her impending lifetime of domestic drudgery!"

"Think of it as an extra etiquette lesson without the aggravation," Bo-Fen added.

The men, seeing that this was the perfect opportunity to get out of latrine duty this week, began to affirm in very loud voices what a brilliant idea this was. A few men boldly offered to propose to Julie on the spot, but only under the conditions that she knew every detail on how to _properly _clean out a latrine. And who knew how many times it would take to get it _just right?_

It should be said that _those_ men were wearing face plates and knew damn well that there was no way Jee could hold their toes to the fire if he couldn't pick them out in a line-up.

Meanwhile, Julie kicked and struggled to get free. "Mmmphlshhhh...! Phmmmllll...!"

The damage was already done, however. Slowly, a complacent smile emerged on Jee's face.

"Very well then. I expect that latrine to be in tip-top shape by the time the sun sets, Julie. The rest of you can get back to work."

They all waited until Jee had returned below deck. The moment his footsteps had ebbed away, a racuous cheer erupted from the crowd of soldiers. At the same time Shen-Long released his hold on Julie, and the girl collapsed on her butt, gasping for air.

"I...I...hate _ALL of you_...!"

"They hate you too," Bo-Fen replied. "Trust me on that, hon'."

Julie shot her a sour look. "Well, _obviously_," she grumbled. "They just sold me out to _latrine duty_. I _hate _that stupid latrine. It's god-awful trying to go in there...in _both _senses of the word."

"Heh," Shen-Long chuckled.

"What's so funny?"

"I remember the first time you had to use the latrine. That was _hilarious_."

* * *

**ONE MONTH EARLIER...**

"What's the lantern for?"

Bo-Fen shoved the heavy metal fixture into Julie's hands. She wasn't expecting so much weight at once and nearly dropped it.

"Trust me," she said. "You're goin' to need it."

"It's just a toilet, right? I mean...I'm not such a baby that I need a light to pee."

Julie was about to give her back the lantern, but found that Bo-Fen was still fixing her with a very level, very unnerving stare. She hesitated, shifting her weight to the other foot. The older woman never took her eyes off of her.

"You don't want to use _that _latrine in the dark," she said in a menacing deadpan.

"Um..."

"Take the lantern with you."

"Oh...kay...?"

Bemused, Julie turned and disappeared into the hallway. As she neared her destination a nasty odor seemed to emerge out of the darkness, surrounding her in a silent, gaseous embrace. She stopped dead in her tracks and gagged, temporarily disarmed by the rank stench. The smell was so bad that her eyes started to tear up; it was somewhere between a chemical waste plant and a dead skunk and rotten onion factory.

She wasn't sure if she had to pee _that _badly.

"Okay, so it smells bad," she muttered, pinching the bridge of her nose to block out the unsavory aroma. "It's a bathroom. Nothing weird there. I still don't see why she gave me this stupid lantern."

It was clumsy and heavy. Julie had to put it down to get the latrine door open and almost left it outside. But something about Bo-Fen's warning made her reconsider. Heaving a sigh, she picked up the lantern and tried not to choke as she entered the latrine.

The tiny room immediately became awash in the harsh glare from the light of the fire. Julie jumped as the flames abruptly shot higher, no doubt from all the methane in the air. _That _couldn't have been a good sign.

"I hope this isn't an elaborate murder attempt," she muttered. Then, setting the lantern down at her feet, she turned towards the rounded hole that she supposed _must _have been the toilet.

She stared at it. Then she blinked. Then she did a double-take. No, now Julie was sure of it. Something had _moved_ inside the bowl. Actually, moved wasn't so much the right word as _slithered_. Without the light of the lantern it was impossible to detect the ripples in the thick brownish liquid...but Julie had _seen _and dammit to hell, something was _alive _and _swimming _in that toilet...!

That something opened an eye and blinked at her. That's when Julie completely lost it.

"Holy shit on a stick...!" she screamed, jumping backwards and hugging the grimy walls of the latrine. Even from that distance she could see the water in the bowl starting to churn and burble in a less-than-comforting manner. "What the...what _is _that thing...?"

_And more importantly, can I kill it...? _she wondered. Her fight or flight instincts were starting to kick in, forcing Julie to resist the urge to bolt directly into a metal wall and (consequentially) snap her own neck in the process. Her gaze slid down to the lantern at her feet, and an idea slammed home.

"I'll nuke the fucker," she whispered.

Grabbing the handle, she took one last grim look at the unidentifiable creature lurking in the toilet. Julie reached backwards with her free hand and grasped the handle of the door, tensing her muscles to run. As though sensing danger, whatever it was that hid in the shit-stagnant water let out a gurgling noise; Julie thought it was supposed to be a growl. But the monster sounded like its vocal cords were a mangled mess.

Julie tested the weight of the lantern and slowly turned the handle on the door. The eye seemed to follow her as she backed outside the latrine. She swallowed the lump in her throat, her heart pounding as she moved far enough back that she could escape unscathed (hopefully).

"FIRE IN THE HOLE...!" she yelled.

And then, using all of her upper-body strength, she hurled her flaming torch towards the bowl. At the same time she threw herself headlong down the hallway, only managing to get a few yards down before a massive explosion rocked the ship.

**KA-BOOM...!**

It took several seconds for everything to settle down. Then, it was eerily quiet.

Footsteps pounded down the hallway. Shen-Long and Bo-Fen rounded the corner just as Zuko and Lieutenant Jee emerged from a set of stairs leading deeper into the hull of the ship. They stared in confusion at the redhead sprawled on the floor. Her hair was wildly askew, as though she had stuck a fork in an electrical outlet; unfortunately, since neither of those things existed in the Avatar world the metaphor was completely lost on them.

But askew she certainly was. And dazed too. She blinked at her surroundings as though she had never seen walls before, clutching her temples and trying to block out the ringing in her ears.

"Damn peasant," Zuko cursed and stomped over to her. He knelt down beside her and seized her shoulders before she could topple over. "What happened here? What was that..." he stopped mid-sentence and wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Oh, spirits...what's that _smell_...?"

Everyone stared at Julie as she slowly met the Fire Prince's bewildered gaze.

"Zu...Zuko..." she said, getting the words out with difficulty. "Make sure you bring a lantern with you...for the latrine...not fun..."

"You're not making sense."

"It was...swimming...and...I swear to God it winked at me...right before it...and then I...it was so _creepy_...!"

But Jee understood. He had gotten a look at the latrine. Or what _used _to be the latrine.

"Good lord, girl! What did you _do...?_"

The entire area around the latrine was charred and blackened. Ash clung to the frame of the door, which had been blown off of its hinges. It had rebounded off of one of the walls and left a nasty dent in it. The door itself now lay in a smoldering heap not too far away from where Julie was kneeling. It looked as though it had missed her by inches. A close shave, indeed.

The inside of the latrine was soaked wall to wall in a very familiar brown substance.

"I am _not _cleaning that," said Bo-Fen immediately.

* * *

Julie glared at Shen-Long when he brought up the Incident. "I thought we agreed never to mention that again. EVER."

"Sorry," he said, his voice just a little too smug. "I couldn't help it. The memory is just too precious..."

She gave him a look that could only portend the worst of intentions. "When I cave your face in, that'll be my most precious memory."

"You know," said Bo-Fen conversationally. "A guy once disappeared after he was ordered to clean out the latrines. Since then, no one's wanted the job...not that anyone was particularly eager to do it before, but now..."

"All right, all right," Julie snapped. "I get it. I'm screwed. Thanks for reminding me. Any other tidbits of advice you want to share with me before I go off to face my impending doom?" She planted her hands on her hips, her tone so blatantly sarcastic that it was dripping acid and eating its way through the metal floor.

There was a brief pause.

"Try not to blow the bitch up this time," Shen-Long offered, handing her the mop. Her expression was mutinous as she snatched the handle and stormed off towards the offending restroom. All the way, they could hear her muttering to herself about nukes.

"What _is _a nuke, anyway?" the soldier asked his sister. The female soldier merely shrugged in reply.

Julie ignored them, gripping the mop as though she were trying to snap it in half with her bare hands. She went to the supply closet for a bucket and lye, then filled the bucket up with some sea-water (since Jee would have slaughtered her for going into the fresh water rations just to clean a fucking bathroom). She winced at the powerful smell of the lye as it dissolved in the water. If only she had some Clorox or something.

**(A/N: Any shameless product advertising is merely a coincidence. I repeat, I have not sold out. Wait a minute...what's this stack of money doing here? And this note..."thanks for the marketing promotion opportunity, Distant-Moon?" Um...well, this is awkward.)**

She vowed to personally see to it that she enacted proper vengeance upon the crew for their treachery. With this dark thought in mind, she swallowed her disgust and slipped inside the latrine.

"Sweet merciless fuck," Julie whispered, immediately pulling her shirt up over her nose. "Aww, Christ...! It's _dripping _from the _ceiling_...!"

And so it was.

Julie tried to swallow her nausea as she stabbed the mop into the bucket of soap and lye. The only reason she succeeded in keeping down her lunch was because of the prospect of having to clean _that _up too. She was vaguely reminded of an old Greek legend, where Hercules, for one of his twelve trials, had to clean out a demi-god's stables. This had to be a thousand times worse, and she wasn't even a Waterbender. She couldn't just summon a river to sweep through the cramped little stall.

It was not a task for the faint of heart, and it said a lot that Julie was still conscious ten minutes into the hideous chore.

"Buurrrrrbledee burble...! Burbledeeeeeeeblsssh!"

Julie froze, turning her gaze slowly to the dreaded bowl. "Oh, fuck."

There was, indeed, an eye peering up at her from inside the brown muck. She felt herself choking on the bile that had crawled up her throat and into her mouth. Horror had rooted her to the spot, and she could only stare and stare at the unidentifiable creature covered in shit. Part of her suspected that whatever this was actually was made _from _shit.

It didn't attack, and Julie felt the shock wearing off. Now she was only mildly irritated.

"Okay, just what the hell are _you _supposed to be, anyway?"

The creature hesitated, then slowly started to lift itself out of the bowl. Julie jumped as the thick brown liquid sloshed over the edges, oozing dark chunks all over the place. She winced, realizing that she had just bought herself an extra hour of cleaning.

It rumbled at her, and to her ears it sounded very creepily as though it were trying to say, "friend."

She held up her hands quickly. "Okay, okay! We're friends, all right? Just don't...move! And whatever you do, don't touch me!"

The shit monster tilted its lumpish head to the side. It watched Julie as she tentatively picked up her mop again and dipped it in the bucket. Slowly, she turned back to the creature, biting hard on her bottom lip.

"Don't move," she reminded it. "Okay?"

Obedient, it remained perfectly still as she cautiously poked (what she thought was) its tummy with the edge of the mop.

There was a gross sucking noise. Julie hastily tried to pull the mop away, but found it being sucked into the hideous mass. After thirty seconds of struggling, she was forced to let go of it. She watched in disgust as her only weapon...er...cleaning implement disappeared inside the beast. She was silent for a good minute afterwards, slowly raising her eyes to meet the shit-monster's gaze. It only had one eye, by the way.

"Friend?" it burbled, barely coherent.

"Oh, fuck me," Julie cursed softly. "Now what am I supposed to do?"

There was a long silence.

"Fuck...me...?" the shit-monster suggested in mindless repetition.

Julie just stared and stared at it. Perhaps it happened when her mind caved in from the unwanted mental image the creature unwittingly provided her. Or maybe it was the combination of stress and nausea that did it. Either way, something miraculous happened right then and there. Julie stared into the shit-monster's...did it even _have_ a face? Anyway, she looked at it and got an idea.

A wonderful, awful idea.

* * *

Lieutenant Jee was calmly engaging General Iroh in a friendly game of Pai-Sho when there was a knock at the door.

"I'm still thinking," the man said to the Dragon of the West. "Could you get that, Sir?"

Iroh gave Jee a narrow-eyed look. "Of course," he said, slowly getting up from his chair. As he shuffled to the door, Jee immediately switched around two of the pieces on the board. He would have done more, but just then he heard the door open and Iroh's exclamation of, "Nephew...! How unexpected!"

Jee glanced up and saw a very sour-faced Zuko standing on the threshold. He returned the Lieutenant's glare before looking at his Uncle again.

"Is it the Avatar?" the uniformed officer asked, a note of reluctance in his voice. Clearly he wasn't up for any hijinks that would undoubtedly ensue if Aang really _were _the cause of Zuko's sudden appearance.

"No," Zuko replied curtly. "It's my latrine. Uncle, what happened to the servants who were supposed to clean that thing? That stall hasn't been dealt with in two days, and it's starting to smell...!"

"Now, nephew...have you forgotten? The servants all went on strike weeks ago because you couldn't guarantee them health benefits. And the rest fled when the Brotherhood attacked the ship. Anyway, I'm sure it's not _that _bad."

Zuko just stared at Iroh. "Uncle...someone _else _has been using my latrine. I found some...very compelling evidence of that."

"What do you mean?"

* * *

**Twenty Minutes Ago...**

"..."

Zuko stared at the mess splattered all over the seat of the bowl. He was pretty sure there was something crawling in it. Actually, he was more than sure. In fact, that something was impossible _not _to notice, even in the dim lighting of the royal latrine. It was vaguely worm-like and stretched out like an endless cord of flat spaghetti out over the rim and on to the floor. Its teeth clenched and unclenched repeatedly on air, making a sick squelching noise as it attempted to slither its way to freedom.

The prince felt his stomach churn at the sight.

* * *

"It was a tapeworm, Uncle. I would have remembered if something like _that _had turned up last night...!"

Jee attempted to appear aloof and ignorant as to the cause of the tapeworm. "So, we'll get Julie to clean it up. I've already sent her to clean out the men's latrine. It's disgusting in there, and it'll be good practice for when she gets a husband who expects her to do the same." Jee hesitated, noticing the vaguely irritated look on the Prince's face. "Um...is something wrong, Sir?"

"It's a rather _urgent _matter," he replied quietly. "I want my latrine cleaned up _immediately, _and not by the peasant either. She'll just take forever...out of _spite_."

Jee squinted at Zuko. "_How _urgent is it, your Highness?"

The Fire Prince gave him a seething look. "Urgent enough so that if it isn't dealt with within the hour, you're going to find something _unpleasant _in your boots, Lieutenant." The smoldering of his golden eyes clearly screamed, _I KNOW it was YOU...!_

Jee could only swallow. "Ah," he said awkwardly. "I...I see..."

Iroh shook his head slowly. His nephew _must _have been serious. Something like that would sooner have come from Julie's lips, not from someone born and raised in the royal house of the Fire Nation. Zuko's patience was clearly at the very end of the very frayed rope. He also looked _very _uncomfortable. The poor lad. His butt would explode if this kept up.

"Nephew," he said slowly. "I'm sure Julie is almost done cleaning the men's latrine. Why not use _that _one?"

Zuko looked sullen, muttering something that sounded like, "peasant's shithole."

However, with no other viable solutions in sight (or even _unviable _solutions), the young exiled prince had no choice but to "rough it." Snarling quietly under his breath, he stormed out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. The two older men winced, listening to him stomp all the way down the corridor (and since he was walking on metal, it was a long time before the sound of his footsteps ebbed away). Slowly, they exchanged glances.

"I hope to hell Julie actually cleaned out that latrine," said Jee, mopping his brow in anxiety. He really didn't want to find out if Zuko would carry out his threat. He rather liked his boots just the way they were, thank you very much.

While he was busy sweating, Iroh quietly switched the Pai-Sho tiles back to their original position on the board. The Lieutenant was none the wiser.

* * *

Julie smirked as the last components of her vengeance fell into place.

It had only taken her an hour or so to get the crap off the floor and walls. She didn't bother trying to find another mop that could withstand whatever it was that was stuck to the ceiling. She only had to hope that no one looked up...but then, since when were any of Jee's men _squeamish_, anyway? Julie shook off her anxiety, telling herself that the latrine was as clean as it was going to get.

And her ace in the hole was back in the hole where he..._it_...belonged.

"Okay, Bob," she called into the stall. "Now remember..._don't _come out until someone goes into the latrine and closes the door. Got it?"

"Frieeeeeeeend."

"I'm...going to take that as a yes."

Yes, she had named the shit-monster. And no, Julie hadn't figured out where the hell it came from. She had seen the movie Dogma more than once and obviously knew a reference when she smelled one. But a gut feeling told her that this was a different shit-monster. Sure, _she herself _had come from another dimension and landed in a cartoon show. Clearly the universe had no limits when it came to weirdness.

But it was the only way to save her sanity. Julie had to believe that the shit-monster was its own unique being. She didn't know what she would do if she was forced to believe that people from _other _movies and tv shows were able to pop up at a moment's notice.

(**A/N: And they can. Remember Hiko?**)

Heaving a sigh, she made sure the door was carefully left ajar before waiting for her first victim. She was rewarded when, mere minutes later, a very red-faced Shen-Long came bustling around the corner. He saw Julie standing there and stopped dead in his tracks.

"Oh, Spirits..." he groaned. "Please, don't tell me you're waiting in _line_..."

"I'm not. I actually just finished cleaning it."

Shen-Long's face lifted in sheer relief. "Thank Agni! I've been holding this in for the past ten minutes...!"

Julie couldn't help but smirk. "Having some stomach pain, Shen-Long? I hope it isn't serious."

"No, no. Probably just something I ate. I'm pretty sure the gruel tasted funny tonight...but then again, when _doesn't _it taste off?"

Her smirk deepened.

It was no coincidence. While the head chef was distracted, Julie had snuck into the kitchens and emptied out a sackful of the best laxative she could get her hands on, on such short notice. Tropical prune juice, it turns out, is _extremely _fast acting. And leaves most people dead on a toilet, just like Elvis. Julie had been careful, though. She only used enough to take out a small elephant.

That poor elephant.

Shen-Long disappeared inside the latrine. There was a moment's silence before Julie heard a very familiar _burbling _noise; followed by Shen-Long's startled cry. It was cut off, replaced by a nauseating _sucking _noise.

"_FRIEEEEEEEEEEEEND_...!"

Julie waited about two minutes before cracking open the door. Sure enough, she found Shen-Long lying dazed on the floor of the latrine, covered from the waist up in sticky glops of brownish-green. He twitched like a rabbit with a broken neck.

"Wow. I guess you couldn't hold it, huh?"

"Horrible..." he muttered, his eyes staring blankly at the wall. It was accompanied by an involuntary body jolt. "The smell...!"

Julie sighed and dragged him out by the ankles. "Good job, Bob. Lather, rinse, and repeat."

"Fuck me," said Bob happily.

* * *

Zuko saw the line of soldiers mobbing around the door to the latrine and felt his heart sink. This was too much...after everything he had witnessed in the past hour. Would it kill the spirits to give him a break every now and then? It was like every force in the universe was out to get him tonight.

"Out of my way," he barked at the row of bleak-looking men, many of whom were dancing on the spot, trying desperately to hold it in. "I'm going to borrow your latrine for a few minutes. That's a direct order."

Simultaneously, everyone within hearing range turned to glare menacingly at the prince. Zuko just glared right back. Dammit, he was in no mood for games. He really, really had to go. And a man's got to do what a man's got to do. Unfortunately, no one else seemed to think so. As the young royal stomped forwards, every last soldier lined up and formed a wall, pushing him back. Zuko snarled in frustration, lighting up a flame.

"What's the meaning of this?" he demanded. "I gave you an order! Stand aside, now!"

"You have to pay admission, just like the rest of us," one of the men grumbled at him. "And anyway, it's not like you can't afford it. You're a prince, for crying out loud."

Zuko blinked. Admission?

"Hey," someone else yelled. "The line's moving."

Immediately, everyone rushed forwards, trying to be the next one inside the latrine. Zuko could have sworn he saw a flash of red hair at the very front of the queue. His eyes narrowed, his worst suspicions having been confirmed.

"I should have known," he muttered.

It took him about two minutes to push and manhandle his way through the crowd. Sure enough, there was Julie. She stood in front of the latrine like a rigged-game carnie presenting the latest death-trap. Adding to the image was the way she held a mop like some sort of cane. The only thing that was missing was the straw hat and a cigarette, but since this was still a TV-Y series, Zuko was going to have to take what he could get.

Needless to say, it wasn't very much.

As soon as he was within arm's reach of her, Zuko grabbed Julie by both shoulders and pulled her aside.

"Z-Zuko...!" she gasped. The girl started to struggle as soon as she realized who had gotten a hold of her, but he tightened his grip on her so she wouldn't escape. She scowled almost mournfully up at him, meeting his infuriated gaze reluctantly. "Um...I don't suppose you're here to say hi, are you?"

He ignored that.

"I don't have the time or patience to waste on you right now, peasant, so I'll be very quick with the point. What are you doing?"

Julie balked. "Living the dream of capitalism," she replied, squaring her shoulders indignantly. "I just cleaned out the latrines, and I'm making these bastards pay for making me do it...literally. They can't take a dump unless they pay me first. Direct cash, no IOU's or debit cards."

Zuko's expression went blank. _Capitalism? Debit cards? What on earth...?_

"What are you, _delusional?" _he demanded incredulously."Just what makes you think that any of them will be willing to _pay _you to do that? Each one of those men are more than enough to take you..._on their own!_ There's no way you can collect admission to the _latrines_ from so many strong, able-bodied..."

"Did you see what happened to Shen-Long?" she interrupted.

He stared at her. "_Should _I have, peasant?"

Julie sighed. "Look, just take my word for it, Zu. These guys are all more than willing to pay me a few copper per load. All it took was the right..._incentive_."

Zuko shook his head, like a wildebeast trying to ward off an irksome fly. He glanced at the men again and couldn't help but notice the way they were warily eying the ajar stall. How on earth had she gotten them to form a single line? By Agni, they looked as timid as kittens; even waiting for her to finish talking to him so they can _pay _her to empty their own bowels. It was ridiculous...!

"You can extort the common man later," he told her. "Right now, I'm going to borrow your restroom. No arguments."

Julie jumped, startled. "W-what?" she blurted out in alarm. "But...but you have your _own _restroom...!"

Zuko cringed. "Yeah. And right now it's being ransacked by a tapeworm...curtesy of Lieutenant Jee." _Bastard, _he added mentally. "So, step aside."

He started for the latrine (much to the aggravation of everyone still waiting in line), but stopped short as the redhead planted herself in his path, arms stretched out like a wall. She looked very pale as she stared up at his face, but didn't waver as Zuko's brow creased in confusion and impatience. As this expression deepened into a glare, she started gnawing on her bottom lip; but managed to stay rooted to the spot.

Brave girl.

"You can't go in there, Zu," she said in a firm voice. "You'll have to pay just like everyone else. I'm only letting you cut to the front because it's _you_...but you can't use it for free. I can't budge on that."

Zuko towered over her, leering. "Move."

Julie stuck out her jaw. "Make me," she hissed.

Famous last words. One minute, she was staring obstinately into his golden eyes, almost daring him to make a move...the next, she was sprawled on her back in the middle of the hallway, blinking dazedly at the ceiling. Damn! She hadn't even seen him _move_, but there it was. Prince Zuko, rabid stalker of a twelve-year-old boy by day, and master ninja by night (and pretty much whenever it was convenient...like right now).

Julie flipped herself up into a sitting position in time to see Zuko shut himself inside the latrine. She winced. Too late.

"Well, I tried to warn him," she muttered in an attempt to alleviate the guilt.

There was a deep rumbling roar from inside the stall. The soldiers all flinched, immediately ducking for cover. Some of them, unfortunately, couldn't handle the shock and ended up...err...relieving themselves a little too soon for their own personal comfort. There were many puddles on the floor before Bob, the shit-monster, had finished his joyful exclaimation.

"FUUUUUUUUUUCK MEEEEEEEE...!" it bellowed.

And then, the door to the latrine was blasted off its hinges in a sweeping plume of explosive fire. Everyone ducked for the second time as the slab of metal flew into the opposite wall...followed by a man-shaped pile of feces. For a moment, everyone feared the worst for Prince Zuko...until they saw him standing in the doorway of the now-ruined latrine, hastily rebuckling his pants with a furious look on his face. Having gotten his belt notched just so, he quickly took a Firebending stance. His eyes narrowed at poor Bob as he tried in vain to peel himself off the floor.

Julie gasped. "Zuko! You almost _killed _Bob!"

His golden eyes were very wild as they flickered to her. "_Bob_?" he repeated. "Are you telling me _you're _the one behind this..._monstrosity_?"

"He's not a monstrosity. He's got feelings just like you."

"That thing just tried to _molest _me in the toilet! I'm well aware that it has feelings...! And I could care less!"

Julie jumped to her feet and latched her arms around one of Zuko's, trying to hold him back. "Look," she said frantically. "I _know _you're mad. But I tried to warn you! I really did! Bob was just defending his territory! You can't kill him, Zu! You just _can't_...!"

He didn't bother looking at her, nor did he attempt to shake her off just yet. "Watch me," he growled.

"But Zuko! I _love _him...!"

His expression froze in place as he turned to stare at her with mingled horror and nausea. Simultaneously, every head in the hallway turned to stare at the redhead in disbelief. Julie herself seemed to pause as the words left her lips, glancing for a moment at Bob (who was having trouble getting to his feet; that is, if the way he kept running into the same wall over and over again was any indication).

Slowly, she brought her gaze back to Zuko. "You know," she said. "Now that I think of it, _love _is a pretty strong word..."

"You're talking about a quivering pile of crap," he shot back. "Love and a quivering pile of crap belong to two separate worlds...worlds that don't touch, and never _will _touch if there is any justice in the world."

Julie scrunched up her brow. "That was just mean. You're hurting Bob's feelings."

"What part of _that thing _tried to_ molest _me don't you _understand,_ peasant?"

The bickering was brought to a sudden halt as Shen-Long and Bo-Fen pushed themselves to the front of the line, Iroh and Lieutenant Jee in a tow. By the looks of it, Shen-Long had somehow managed to get most of the mess off of him, but everyone gave him a wide berth as he passed. He still smelled like the bottom of a septic tank. In fact, it was this very same stench that had Zuko and Julie gagging so hard they couldn't push out any more insults, or any form of flirtacious repartee for that matter.

Okay, maybe not flirtacious...but certainly repartee, nonetheless.

"You see?" Shen-Long cried, stabbing a finger at Bob. "That's the one that attacked me in the latrine! You have to do something, Sir! Julie's got that thing completely under her thumb, and now she's gone mad with power!"

There was a long silence as Iroh and Lieutenant Jee got a very good look at the shit-monster in question. Bo-Fen in particular squinted, actually daring to get closer to the foul beast. Then, all of a sudden she jumped clean out of her skin.

"Holy spirits!" she crowed. "Kung...is that _you_...?"

"Bob" blinked at the female soldier for a few moments before spreading his arms wide, happily proclaiming, "FRIEND!"

* * *

A few hours later, the exhumed Mr. Kung was being thoroughly scrubbed down on deck by a bunch of men wearing face-plates. They didn't entirely block out the smell, but once they doused him in sea-water a couple of thousand times it was determined that he smelled more like brine than the inside of a toilet. Julie and the crew all watched as the man went through a literal transformation. Soon, he was completely free of his fecal-matter coating, and was splashing around in the soppy brown puddle like a child after a storm. Julie's mop, which had been stuck to his back the entire time, now lay, abandoned, on the deck floor.

"So...that story you told me," said Julie slowly. "The one about the guy who went _missing _while cleaning the latrines...that was _this _guy?"

Bo-Fen nodded. "Poor guy. Kung wasn't exactly the sharpest knife in the set, and somehow he got himself good and trapped down there. He must have been in that bowl for days and days before you found him."

"That can't be true," Zuko snapped. "How could anyone _survive _being down there for so long? Especially without food or...water..." he trailed off.

Iroh clasped his hand on his nephew's shoulder, looking fairly disturbed. "Prince Zuko, some questions are better left without answers...don't you think?"

Everyone in the line shuddered.

After everyone had the chance to recover, Bo-Fen turned slowly to face the redhead. She folded her arms, a self-righteous expression unfolding on her face. "Well, Julie," she said primly. "Don't you think you have something to say to everyone?"

She slumped her shoulders. "I know. It was wrong to take advantage of such an innocent...if extremely repulsive...um...shit-monster," she said sincerely. "And it was especially wrong for me to extort the crew and bend them to my will in an iron grip of terror and endless diarrhea. I'm sorry."

"_What?_ NO!"

"Huh?"

"The moral of this little episode is that _next _time you extort the crew, you give me a decent slice of the pie. Or I'm busting your ass."

Julie just stared at her. "Oh. Okay, then."

And with that said, they turned to watch the Fire Nation patrol boat as it docked next to Zuko's ship. No one said a word as Kung was coaxed into a straight-jacket and half-led, half-dragged aboard. He turned to glance over his shoulder as his beady, unfocused eyes locked momentarily on Julie.

"Friend!" he bellowed.

Julie smiled and waved. "Bye, Bob. Zuko's going to miss you most of all."

Zuko gave her an infuriated glance. "Say anything else, and I'm locking _you_ in the latrine for a week."

"You know you love me, Zu."

Unseen by her, the indignant prince flushed a slight shade of red. But he continued to glare at the horizon and said nothing.

* * *

**A/N: And there you go. The most disgusting omake one-shot I have ever written. That being said, I think I'm starting to see a pattern in my writing...particularly at the startling number of times Zuko finds himself being sexually harassed by OC's. And by all the _wrong _ones. I left some slight hints of "Zulie" (as you all have unanimously christened the pairing), though, to balance that out. **

**Oh, who the hell am I kidding? That was solely designed to screw with Zuko's head...and everyone else's, too. But mostly Zuko's.**

**And about the tapeworm, I know that person with one of those would be very weak and sickly. And I know that a tapeworm probably wouldn't be crawling around outside the human body with as much gusto as this one was doing (or at all); but I took some artistic license here, since this is AtLA world. Here, I decided tapeworms have a lot more personality...and that Firebenders are magically immune to them. They go in, they go right out again. Something about chi...blah, blah, blah...lampshading...you know. Just go with it!**

**So? Loved it? Hated it? Be nice in your reviews please. I know it's gross. But you have to admit, like Julie tried to warn Zuko not to go into the latrine, I warned the faint-of-heart not to read this chapter. Did you listen? Well, if you're reading THIS author's note, I'm hazarding a guess at NO. Anyone who flames is going to find a "Bob" in _their _toilet, and pretty soon.**

**REVIEW!**


	6. Mommy Issues, Part I

**A/N: I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel about the amount of positive feedback I got for the last omake...proud? Or extremely disturbed...? Either way, there is no doubt that "Latrine Duty" is a unanimous favorite among you readers. How frightening. **

**But not as frightening as the brain that conceived it, I suppose.**

**Anyway, I thought that the time was ripe for another one-shot since the main plot is progressing so quickly. I figured that if I could stand to update once a week for that, I could try to work on this a little more as well. This is the first and possibly only omake you will see take place on Kyoshi Island, and it is going to feature everyone's favorite OC.**

**No, not Bob. The OTHER favorite OC. **

**That's right...Yoshi. You, the readers, screamed for the plucky little eelhound to have more screen time. I gave him more lines in the main fic, and you guys ate it up. For some reason, no one can get enough Yoshi, and I think I too have fallen prey to his evil cuteness. So in a way, it was only inevitable that he get the next omake.**

**So, without further ado…ahem…your lord and master, Yoshi.**

* * *

**"Mommy Issues, Part I"**

_So there I was, deep in my crouch of DEATH and ready to pounce on my unsuspecting prey. It was true that my foe had the advantage, being about twelve times bigger than I am…but I am obviously smarter, and way, way more amazing. I am a natural-born hunter, a slayer of the deep born anew in a younger, more agile body. That means I will KILL it and KILL it and KILL it some more! I will KILL IT 'til it's very, very dead…and ALSO not moving._

_Foolish human. He can't even smell me here…though that might be because he is sleeping. Still, no excuse. According to the RULES, if he's moving he's alive and has to be made DEAD. He HAS to._

_Don't question me, mortal. I will EAT you._

Zuko turned over in his sleep, muttering to himself as Yoshi let out a low growl. He had managed to climb up on to the bed without the Fire Prince waking up, and was poised on the edge of the mattress in what was quite obviously an offensive posture. His yellow eyes were locked on Zuko's nose as he breathed. His baby eelhound butt went up in the air as he readied himself to spring forwards on to his face.

_And after he is slain I will bring his carcass to Mother for her to eat. I'll even let her have the organs. They're the bestest part, you know._

Zuko scrunched up his brow, stirring at the faintly _feral _noise that pierced into his dreams. "Uncle…?" he murmured, stirring into a half-conscious state.

_The time is nigh! PERISH!_

Yoshi jumped.

Julie was suddenly driven from her slumber as a strong hand grabbed her by the shoulder and _shook _her awake. She flinched into wakefulness as she found herself blinking blearily into the very irate face of the Prince of the Fire Nation.

"Wha…?" she murmured. She glanced around and saw how dark it was. "Zu? What the fuck? It's not even sun-up…"

Wordlessly, he shoved Yoshi out towards her. He was holding the eelhound by the scruff of his scaled neck, something that made Julie even more alert. She immediately caught the baby reptile and pulled him protectively into her chest, shooting Zuko an incredulous and affronted look; an expression he ended up returning with twice as much venom.

That was when Julie noticed the bite-marks around his nose.

"Next time," he said, "…I'm setting him on fire. Keep him out of my room, peasant."

And then he turned on his heel and walked out of the infirmary.

Slowly, Julie looked down into Yoshi's face. He looked immensely pleased with himself.

_I got him, Mama! I did! And I would have killed his face for you, but then he woke up and CHEATED. Stupid, cheating flesh monkey…I will KILL him twice as hard tomorrow just for that!_

"Bad dog," she murmured sleepily. "It doesn't count if I'm not there to see it."

Yoshi cocked his head to the side. _Oh? You wish to be present so you can praise my ferocity and my sheer hunting prowess? I am honored._

"Oh, you probably don't understand what I'm saying, anyway." Julie plopped the eelhound so that he was lying next to her on the pillow. "So, it really won't do me any good to try to tell you not to do that again. Or that it's a bad idea to attack a Firebender in his sleep…"

_He'll make the most delightful noises when I snap his neck…_

"…so you should just stay away from that ass-hat, Zuko. Okay, Yoshi?"

The eelhound let out a tremendous yawn. _I am weary from my combat with the butthead. Mother, I command you to love me and keep me warm with your body heat until I…I…can't remember what I was…oooh…warm. I like warm._

Julie sighed as Yoshi curled up against her and made a very content puppy sound. "I can't see how anyone can hate you. You're just so damn cute."

_Clearly the cheating butthead offends mother. I really should hurry up and slay him so that she can praise me for it. I deserve the praise and…I want mother to love me. But then, how can she not? I'm AMAZING._

_Tomorrow…I'll show mother how great I am. And then I'll kill that wretched human too._

With that in mind, the reptile snuggled against Julie's chest and fell asleep.

* * *

_Gotta get it, gotta chase it, gotta catch it and eat its FACE…!_

A very terrified elephantrat found itself in distress as Yoshi suddenly jumped at it and missed it by centimeters. Alarmed into action, the pachyderm-like rodent made a frightened noise and took off as fast as its four legs could carry it. The eelhound happily gave chase.

_Where'd it go? I gotta go get it 'cause it's still moving! And it won't let me find it! It's CHEATING!_

But Yoshi found himself distracted as he heard strange noises coming from farther down the hallway. For a brief moment the reptile found himself torn, curiosity interfering with his deep-rooted _need_ to chase and conquer his prey. But then the noises got louder, and Yoshi was so distracted that he forgot about the elephantrat all together. It had made a quick escape, and by the time it had rounded the corner, the eelhound was already pursuing the source of the unknown sounds.

_Can I chase it? _he wondered. _Can I eat it? Is it MOVING? I should go get it if it is. It's the only thing I can do. I have to chase it and catch it and hold it down…and then mother will praise me. _

This thought immensely cheered him. Imagined possibilities of Julie's tummy rubs and soft words, the feel of her heartbeat as she drew him close, caused a fierce loyalty that bordered on obsession to emerge fresh in him. And he desperately wanted to please her.

It was true, the eelhound had vague impressions left over in his mind that he wasn't what he seemed to be…that somewhere deep inside he was something powerful and dangerous, something that could make even a human tremble in fear. That something occasionally protested whenever Yoshi found himself engaged in distinctly puppy-like behavior. But both halves of his mind were in agreement on one thing: that it must not for any reason leave Julie's side, or let anything bad happen to her. Never, ever.

Besides, that deep something inside of Yoshi quickly shut up the moment Julie started scratching him behind his ear holes. How he _loved _that.

"Uncle, I don't want to do this anymore," Zuko complained, sounding on the verge of an explosive tantrum as Yoshi drew closer to the door. "This is awkward…and I can't bend this way forever…"

"But, Zuko…you are so close! I can feel it!"

The eelhound was in possession of senses that weak humans simply didn't have. He could practically taste the Fire Prince's increasing discomfort and desperation to leave the room. The clawing urge to flee was also very _present_, along with frustration and the fat uncle's rising impatience and desire.

How interesting.

"Just a little deeper," Iroh insisted. "You are almost there!"

Yoshi poked his head into the room.

Zuko was on his stomach, his arm groping blindly underneath a very heavy and stubborn-looking sofa. The older man stood slightly to the left, his keen eyes searching for something his nephew couldn't see. It was as though his eyes were trying to burn their way through the cushions with a single gaze.

"Are you sure it even rolled under here?"

"I am certain that it did. There is no doubt, nephew."

The scarred teen let out another noise of poorly suppressed frustration. "It's just a stupid pai-sho tile!"

"_Just_ a pai-sho tile? Prince Zuko, the white lotus tile happens to be essential for the unusual strategy I employ…! I cannot simply leave it to rot under the couch!"

Yoshi's eyes were fixed on the wretched human who made mother so angry. A cold reptilian fury flooded his small body as he contemplated this specific human…this single, rage-inducing fleshbag. He didn't really know _why _he hated the sight of Zuko other than the fact that Julie seemed flustered and upset whenever he entered the room. He sensed there was something deeper, something that lay next to the nameless _thing_ dormant inside of him.

Seeing him vulnerable made it stir, and Yoshi desperately wanted to pounce on his back. But he remembered that this human didn't play by the rules. He cheated; he fought back. And he won…every single time. That simply was NOT allowed. If a foe didn't simply lie down at his feet while he tore its throat out, it wasn't playing fair. That made him want to catch it even more.

Again, the eelhound felt conflicted as his eyes darted to the uncle, the friendly round human that made a rush of affection surge through him. It was confusing, having such different emotions laying waste in one baby reptile's heart. He so very badly wanted to tear Zuko's innards out with his own fangs and lap up the blood…but he knew that the uncle was also very good at giving tummy rubs. Which was more important? Vengeance or tummy rubs?

The answer was obvious. Making a whining noise, Yoshi scurried over to Iroh's feet and looked pleadingly up at him. _Play with me!_

Tummy rubs were always more important…except for mother. But mother wasn't here, so that meant tummy rubs were very necessary.

"Ah," said Iroh, smiling down at the animal nuzzling his foot. "Hello, little one. Are you behaving yourself?"

Yoshi thought about that for a few seconds. _I chased a furry thing for a while, but it got away. _

Zuko pulled away from the sofa and glanced wearily at the eelhound. "Oh, great. Just when I thought my day couldn't get worse…this little monster decides to show up."

Iroh glanced at him. "I suppose Julie must still be training with Bo-Fen…the poor creature must be lonely, nephew." He glanced at Yoshi, his eyes suddenly shrewd and calculating. "Hmmmm…"

The eelhound looked back and forth between them, his mind wrestling between many separate desires at once. The reminder that Julie was absent made a sharp ache run through him. He wanted his mother, he wanted tummy rubs, he wanted to rip Zuko's arms off and gnaw on them…and he wanted tummy rubs! Tummy rubs! No one was petting him at all!

He nudged Iroh's foot more insistently. _I wanna play! Play with me NOW! Or I'll bite you!_

The older man chuckled as he knelt down and started stroking the baby reptile's scaled back. Immediately, Yoshi arched his spine like a cat, making a crooning noise of content as he felt just the right amount of pressure against his glistening black scales.

_I like you_, said Yoshi. _When I get bigger and slaughter all the humans, I'll save you until very last…because you're not a bad human. And your death will be quick and painless._

"How thoughtful of you," said Iroh, still smiling at the eelhound's cheerful, yet innocent malice. "I am sure you will make a fine hunter of yourself one day."

Zuko was horrified. "That thing just said he was going to _kill_ you, Uncle…"

"So, he did."

"And you're okay with that?"

Iroh smiled benignly at the bewildered and disturbed young man. "Zuko, Yoshi is born to a race of predators and hunters. From him, there is no higher praise than to be awarded a quick and painless death."

"How about the right to _live_?"

Yoshi looked at Zuko like he was nuts. _Humans are my sworn enemies. I can't NOT kill them. Besides, mother would be sad if I didn't try to tear your throat out. You make her so angry and confused. Sometimes she even likes it when you're around, and that's even worse! I'm the only one mother can love. Only me._

Zuko frowned at him. "I take it _that's _the reason you attacked me in my sleep last night."

_I regret nothing!_

The prince sighed.

"Yoshi," said Iroh, making the little predator look at him. "Perhaps you can assist me in something."

The eelhound blinked. _Who do you need me to kill?_

"No, no. Nothing like that, little one. I'm merely having trouble reaching an object that rolled under the sofa. Perhaps you could squeeze underneath it and find it for me?"

Yoshi thought about it. _Can I eat it?_

"I would prefer if you didn't. I doubt it would taste very good, anyway. Here, it looks like this…"

Iroh withdrew from his sleeve another pai-sho tile, only with a crescent moon symbol on it. The eelhound trotted to his side and sniffed inquisitively at the strange object. Tentatively, he licked it. Yoshi made a noise of distaste.

_It isn't even moving. That's boring._

"I am prepared to compensate you for your trouble," said the ex-General in a cajoling tone of voice. He reached into his pocket and withdrew a small fish, the kind used as bait for fishing expeditions. Zuko stared at it, turning slowly to the older man with a puzzled look on his face.

"Uncle, why were you carrying that around in your _pocket_?"

Yoshi was also staring at the fish. _It's already dead. I don't think I want it now._

Iroh sighed and jiggled his hand, making it look like the fish was twitching. That made the eelhound perk in sudden interest. His eyes were riveted on his next meal.

_Wait, I was wrong! I want it! I want it now! Give it, give it, give it!_

Zuko face-palmed. "Spirits, what a dumb little beast…"

Yoshi growled and snapped at the fish, but Iroh kept it just out of his reach.

"You had better hurry before it completes its death throes and stops moving," he warned the eelhound. "Fish cannot survive out of water for very long, and I might decide to eat it myself."

Zuko hoped that his uncle was just teasing the reptile. He did not want to have to imagine the older man swallowing a raw fish whole. However, regardless of intentions, the prince had to admit that it did get immediate results. Yoshi took one look at the jiggling fish and darted under the couch, sniffing for the tile and whining in frustration when he couldn't find it right away.

After a minute or so, the eelhound poked his head out and squeezed through the gap between the seat and the floor. He practically tripped over himself as he ran to Iroh, spat out the missing tile, and looked up at him expectantly.

_Fish! Fish! Give it, give it, give it!_

Iroh smiled and let the fish drop from his hand. Yoshi lashed out his tongue and lassoed the sardine into his mouth, swallowing it. He looked immensely pleased with himself until he realized something.

_Why do you not praise me? Didn't I do good?_

"You did magnificently," said Iroh, stroking the eelhound some more. "Didn't he, nephew?"

Zuko looked down at Yoshi and felt nothing but disdain. Its attempts at cuteness were downright disturbing to him given what he knew lurked deep in the reptile's soul; the malevolent intentions of the Unagi, the one that had almost killed Julie back on Kyoshi Island. And he would be damned if he would let the little beast lull him into a false sense of security with its puppy act.

It had to be an act.

"Nephew?"

"I have a meeting with Lieutenant Jee," he said to his uncle. "I'll see you at dinner."

Yoshi felt a little saddened by the snub. _But I'm a good dog. Mama says so all the time. And Mama is always right, isn't she?_

Iroh patted him reassuringly on the back. "He merely needs time, little one."

_But I'm amazing and strong and fast…and amazing…_

"Yes, but I think Zuko is concerned for Ju…for your mother's safety. He does not know you yet…perhaps he feels that you are a threat to her."

Yoshi growled. _The mother may eat her young if she chooses, but we offspring know our place. The mother gives life…she is the life-giver. Without life, there is no food and no safety. Without life, we starve…we starve…_

The eelhound curled into a sullen ball at Iroh's feet, still rumbling quietly deep in his throat. He resented that the prince human considered him a threat to his own mother. He loved his mother…his life-giver. Julie always took care of him. He had felt her heartbeat through the egg, could feel her own life-force, her chi permeating through the shell and into his body.

She may look different than other mothers, but she was still life-giver.

_Why does that human care for mother's safety, anyway?_

Iroh smiled to himself. "Prince Zuko cares for her. They are very close friends."

_I don't know friends. Do you mean to say that he is her mate?_

The ex-General barely stopped himself from laughing aloud at the unexpected leap in logic. He supposed that an eelhound wouldn't understand something like friendship…at least, not in human terms. From what Iroh knew, eelhounds lived in packs under a strict matriarchal hierarchy…which would definitely explain Yoshi's unyielding loyalty to Julie, even if it was only on a subconscious level.

Eelhounds, by rule, didn't have friends. Their packs lived as one close family and had mates. So maybe it was not so farfetched that the young reptile had assumed that Zuko was Julie's mate. Iroh could tell that Yoshi had reached his conclusion on the basis that the closest bond that could exist (besides the one between mother and offspring, of course) would be the one that thrived between two mates. Partners. Equals.

"Not yet," said Iroh. "But I cannot say that it is not a possibility for the future. They are quite fond of one another."

Yoshi didn't like that. _Mother can only love ME_. _I am her offspring. She must love and cherish me forever and ever…and ever! _

"I am certain she will continue to adore you as much as she ever has. Her bond with other humans does not in any way diminish her feelings for you, I am sure."

But the eelhound whined and put his foreclaws over his eyes. _Go away. I am weary and sad. Your presence displeases me, human._

"As you wish."

Iroh got up, pausing to stroke the infant one last time before walking out of the room. Yoshi waited until the scent of him had sufficiently faded before he uncurled and rolled on to his back. He whined again as he contemplated this dreadful, horrible thing in front of him, the prospect of losing the life-giver, his mother, to the wretched human who hated him.

_I hate him more than he hates me. And mother certainly hates him too, doesn't she?_

He thought. And he thought some more.

_But then, there are the pheromones. Mother keeps responding to them, and she doesn't even realize. She doesn't even like the human…but maybe she'll eat him after he provides her with more young…_

But Yoshi didn't like that either. More offspring meant more rivals. He would have to kill them all, and that would seriously displease Julie. So the only solution (if there was one) would have to come about _before _Julie and Zuko became mates.

Wait. It was simple. They just had to NOT be mates. What an easy thing…to just keep them apart. And even better, if he could destroy that Zuko human in the process, maim him or even kill him…that would work. He couldn't make insidious interloping young with HIS mother if he was dead.

_So I have to kill him dead. That's the only way. _

The something deep inside of him made him hesitate. Usually, it sang at the prospect of blood and killing…but this time it was telling him to wait. Something had to happen first, something important, before he could kill Zuko. The bizarre mental image of a different human floated into his brain, one he had never even smelled before.

A cold reptilian fury possessed him again and he snapped at nothing. It was just a dream he kept having. Whoever this strange human was, he knew that his death was very important. Not as important as Julie, but very important. Necessary.

Briefly, he considered the possibility of Zuko meeting this human and them killing each other. Then he would be left all alone with mother, his life-giver. And they would be happy forever, eating elephantrats and fish in the dark.

Yoshi envisioned this and crooned in delight. The deep something inside of him crooned too. They were in agreement. How nice.

* * *

The first leg of Operation Slay the Butthead went into full-force effective immediately. Yoshi spent the rest of that afternoon plotting and waiting for a most opportune moment when the Zuko beast would be distracted…and vulnerable. If there was some way he could figure out a weakness…perhaps something that would ensure his victory over such a large and unjustifiably stronger enemy, Yoshi could take him down.

_No, _the deep thing in him growled. _We must wait. He must kill the Zhao human for us, and then we will strike_.

Yoshi didn't know what the Zhao human was, but then remembered the face in his dream. He was also skeptical. The Zuko was very resourceful…for a human. Could he really be beaten so easily, even by another wretched human?

_He will not lose. But he will be weak, and then we can kill him if we choose. If we have no further use for him, we shall._

Yoshi didn't want to wait that long. He wanted to kill him now, today. If he waited, Julie could decide to take him as a mate after all…and then he would have no choice but to let the Zuko live, for he could not risk upsetting his precious mother.

He remembered how Julie looked when she was sad; how sour her chi tasted when she was depressed or afraid. He recoiled from those thoughts.

_We must keep mother happy_, Yoshi told himself. _And safe. Safe from the evil butthead._

_He must live until he faces the Zhao human._

_We don't even know the Zhao human. We don't want his blood. We want the blood of the Zuko._

But the thing in him told him otherwise. It was confusing wanting two very separate, conflicting things at the same time. Somewhere inside of him too, Yoshi wouldn't have minded it if the Zuko human petted him every now and then. But he wouldn't even do that. The Zuko hated him…and he hated him back.

_If he dies by accident, mother won't be sad…and the Me-Thing that Isn't Me, the one that lives inside, It won't suspect a thing._

How complicated. Having to trick oneself to get what one wants.

Keeping this in mind, Yoshi made his way to Zuko's door, his yellow eyes intent on the knob more than four feet above his head. Stupid human, thinking that a mere lock could ever get in his way. The fool. The weakling. Only a coward hid from a foe in his den.

His eyes glowed a little brighter, and the lock on the door suddenly clicked open.

_Hurray! It yields to me! Praises!_

And he scurried inside.

To a certain extent, the spirit that rested within Yoshi maintained a fraction of its former power. It was very weak, but it can manage certain feats now and again. Simple tasks such as telekinesis and telepathic communication with spiritually-enhanced beings (such as the Zuko and Iroh humans) fell right into that category. So long as the object wasn't too heavy or complicated, Yoshi found himself able to make it bend to his will.

Most of the time, though, he lacked the attention-span to do this. But today, he was motivated.

_Gonna get him, gonna get him…gonna break him and eat him…_

Yoshi crept into Zuko's bed and burrowed into his sheets. Humans were very vulnerable when they were sleeping; he knew that from experience. But he was certain that after last night, his foe would be more alert once he settled under the covers. He might even sleep with one eye open, or perhaps not sleep at all, which was even worse.

But if Yoshi was already in his bed, and attacked the moment Zuko lifted the covers…

_And it'll be an accident 'cause I claimed this as MY den, and he was intruding. That makes the Zuko the trespasser, the invader…surely mother will understand if I rip out his throat during the night. Surely she will…perhaps she'll even be glad._

The Thing Inside didn't like this, but couldn't really protest. Yoshi's spurt of telekinesis had left it drained and exhausted. Its ability to follow along coherently with the eelhound's scatterbrained thoughts was practically nonexistent. It lay dormant, sleeping restlessly, sensing that something was wrong but too tired to care what it was.

Yoshi was pleased with his cunning. _I am the bad-ass._

Now to play the waiting game.

* * *

**A/N: This was a cute and very bizarre scene for me to write, mostly because of Yoshi's flip-flop thought patterns regarding Zuko. On some level, the puppy part of him craves affection and praise; but another side of him feels jealous and hateful towards the prince. Even more confusing, the Unagi side of him won't let him take out Zuko.**

**Just to clear up a few points: One, Yoshi is entirely one creature. The Unagi inside of him just acts as a facet of his quirky personality, but is still very much alive in him. However, that spirit has evolved in the sense that it no longer views Julie as a tool, but as his mother. Both Yoshi and the Unagi want to protect Julie, just for different reasons.**

**Two, this omake takes place before Jee does the makeover on Julie's room. Not a major issue, but something I wanted to make sure you guys knew.**

**Finally, Yoshi's abilities are unique, and are the sole result of the Unagi's spirit resting within him. The black scales and yellow eyes, the small spurts of spiritual power that let him move small objects with his mind, those are all signs of the Unagi's influence. The fact that he can communicate with Zuko and Iroh have more to do with them being "spiritually enhanced" themselves, rather than any peculiarity on Yoshi's part. Having both been exposed to the spirit world at some point in their lives, not only can they hear spirits, but they can communicate with reborn ones as well (to a certain extent).**

**Most of the time, Yoshi will not be doing anything remotely supernatural since he's too busy exploring the ship and chasing elephantrats, and his thoughts are like a ball in a pinball machine. But it's still convenient when he's motivated enough to focus.**

**Ahem. Anyway, what is Yoshi planning for Zuko? Will the eelhound emerge triumphant? Or will Julie manage to impress her undying affection for the little reptile before he does any damage? Will Zuko and Yoshi EVER come to respect one another?**

**You'll find out soon. But in the mean time, next chapter of the main fic is up tomorrow. Not this Omake fic, but Happy Endings, Book I: The Drifter. I couldn't finish it, and I had to post this at the library before it closed for the weekend. **

**Did you like it? REVIEW!**


	7. Mommy Issues, Part II

**A/N: Hey, so for those of you who saw the Author's Note I posted yesterday, I just want to apologize right off the bat for the faulty deviantart link I posted. Apparently when you save the link of another website in the Doc Manager on , it immediately erases it. Weird, huh? Anyway, I'm going to repost the link below, only with spaces so that none of the letters get erased. Just put it into the search engine and my profile should pop up. Yayness!**

**Again, I'm going to warn you guys that I only have Julie's picture up for now. But the other OC's are going to be up soon (when I get around to posting them; some of the characters I need to redesign, like Kuba, because for some reason in the original sketch I managed to mess up his chin. Soooooo...yeah. Stuff to do). Also, don't forget that other readers are making Happy Endings fanart of their own; I plan on announcing it when it's done, so you can give the talented artists the credit they deserve.**

**Anyway, here's the link: http : / / distant-m00n . deviantart . com / Just take out the spaces when you search it, k?**

**Without further ado, part two of Yoshi's "Mommy Issues."**

* * *

**"Mommy Issues, Part II"**

Zuko completed the final motions of his basic Firebending sets and came out of his stance. Catching his breaths, he turned slowly and bowed to his Uncle, as was the customary response towards one's sifu (at least, in the Fire Nation). The sun was about to reach its zenith, and he could feel the almost-loving touch of the sun on his bare back and shoulders. He took another deep breath, letting his chi warm him from within.

Lately, though…his inner fire had felt sick and weak.

It was physically taxing on him just to complete the basic sets, but Zuko shook it off as sleep-deprivation. And it was all thanks to that hideous beast Julie insisted on having around. Just thinking about the eelhound caused his mood to take a swift nosedive.

_I swear by the Spirits, once I've dealt with Zhao, I'm going to mail that little monster to the farthest corner of the Earth Kingdom…or maybe I'll sell him to a circus_, he mused darkly. Because either way, he was not going to keep Yoshi around longer than necessary.

He would have rather not had the thing around at all, but even Zuko had to acknowledge that this was all just another condition to the pact he made with the Unagi; the one that was keeping Julie alive. So, for the moment, he would just have to learn to deal.

Wonderful.

"I'm going to bathe," he told Iroh in a clipped voice. "Let me know if we run into the Avatar or Zhao. Otherwise, no disturbances."

His uncle inclined his head agreeably. "Very well, nephew. And enjoy your bath."

He breathed out sharply through his nose. "I'm not doing it for _enjoyment_, Uncle. I'm doing it because I smell worse than the underbelly of a cow-pig…spirits! Don't you think I have better things to do with my time than to waste it on something that wasn't absolutely _necessary_?"

It was a rather pointless rant, but one that got Iroh's attention. He eyed Zuko more alertly, something that caused his aggravation to spike.

"You seem more tense than usual, Prince Zuko. Are you feeling all right?"

Zuko gritted his teeth. "I'd feel _better _if we were actually on course for a change…or better yet, if I didn't find my sleep compromised by that stupid animal…night after night…after _night_…" He pinched the bridge of his nose, holding back his temper. "No, I feel _fine_, Uncle! Just _fine!_"

"You know, you don't have to be so freaking sarcastic, Zu. That's my job."

They both turned and saw Julie emerge from below deck. She was dressed in light sparring clothes and had her hair (which was starting to get longer now) tied back into a stubby ponytail. Zuko felt his stomach twisting in annoyance to see the fresh scowl on her face, knowing that she had heard him call Yoshi a "stupid animal." And obviously, she wasn't happy about it.

"You know," she said, folding her arms. "Maybe if you bothered to keep your door locked, maybe he wouldn't be getting into your room every night. Ever think of that, dumb-butt?"

Zuko glared at her. "I lock that door every night. It doesn't do a damn thing. Somehow it keeps getting in and waking me up."

"Well, maybe if you played with him for a bit during the day he'd stop pestering you at night. He's a puppy. They're affection starved no matter how much you pet them…"

"That thing," he snapped. "Isn't a puppy. It's a monster."

Julie's jaw tightened in anger. She huffed and stomped over to the railing, turning her back on Zuko and staring murderously at the ocean. "You're such a heartless bastard," she muttered in a low voice, one that he wasn't meant to hear.

But he heard it, and he also caught the distinct hurt-tone that lurked beneath her disdain. For a moment, he felt very uncomfortable. He wanted more than anything than to say that he didn't care what she thought of him, but it was becoming increasingly apparent how badly he wanted her to like him. After all, it was never easy to be disliked by someone…least of all by someone who was supposed to be your friend.

Zuko had learned a long time ago that being hated was something you never got used to.

"Fine," he grumbled. "Be that way. See if I care."

Julie glanced up and gave him a toxic look. "You don't have to tell me twice."

Fuming, he turned his back on her and stormed off. That stupid, stubborn, ungrateful, _blind-as-hell_ peasant…! By the Spirits, it was a wonder she could get through an entire day unscathed, especially given the alarming number of random shenanigans that seemed to erupt within a ten foot radius of the girl. If it wasn't with that stupid eelhound, it was with Bo-Fen and that intolerably smug bastard, Shen-Long.

This led Zuko to an even darker mood as he contemplated all of the horrible things he wanted to do to that guy. Not just because he didn't _like _him…oh, no. That wasn't it at all. Zuko just didn't like him because he was insubordinate as hell…not to mention his tendency to distract the peasant from whatever it was she was supposed to be doing.

And then that stupid Yoshi would come ambling over and Julie would cuddle him, and they would be all-smiles. And then Shen-Long would reach over and start petting the damn animal, and he'd be entirely too close to her…it was inappropriate! Jee should do something about that. It wasn't Zuko's job to keep an eye on Julie…but since the Lieutenant wasn't about to start reigning in his men, he would have no choice but to hover.

It was his job, dammit. He wasn't overstepping his bounds, was he?

"I ought to let it eat them both," he growled under his breath. "Then she'd learn. _Agni…_"

He retreated into his room, muttering darkly as he shut the door behind him.

Zuko made a point of keeping his room tidy. Considering that his life amounted to an unpredictable series of ups and downs (mostly downs), and that the world itself was a churning sea of chaos stewing beneath the flames of war, it was a small comfort to know that his socks were where they always were when he needed them—folded and put away in his top drawer.

So, why the hell were his clothes strewn all over the place?

He took a calming breath and counted to ten like his uncle had taught him. _Relax,_ he mentally coached himself. _This is nothing major. No one on this ship is stupid enough to steal from me…and we're in the middle of the ocean, so it's not like they can hide if they did take something. I'll just clean this up and…_

A noticeable lump beneath his bedcovers twitched a little. It was right beneath where most of the clothes were messily piled, right next to his pillow.

"…"

That's it. He was done. That little fucker was _dead_.

* * *

Yoshi felt especially clever for making extra sheets to hide himself in. Granted, it had taken him a while to figure out where humans kept the soft, colorful things they used to clothe themselves; but he was especially motivated at the prospect of Julie's smiling face and a big, wriggling fishy-fish for dinner. If they were _really_ moving, he liked to bite the heads off first.

Fish brains are squishy. He hoped that Julie wouldn't keep them for herself. Even though it was deeply ingrained that life-givers got the choice meats for their feedings, he also knew that _his _mother ate strange things…human food, even. Once, he even caught her chewing on a piece of toast…and toast didn't move at all!

_How can anyone eat something that isn't moving around? I don't understand…_

Not understanding tended to make Yoshi sad. And when Yoshi felt sad, he had to go chase something, because then he would be thinking about something else…like chasing things! And how nice it was to feel them squirming to get free! And tummy rubs!

_And when I slay the evil buttfaced-mother-stealer-human, I will drag his corpse to mother and we shall feed on his liver. I wonder what human liver tastes like. Hmmm…maybe liver _moves _when you eat it. I hope so._

And for the next hour or so, he happily envisioned Julie burying her face into Zuko's open ribcage and lapping up his intestines. Oh, the praises he would get!

_"You did a good job," said Julie-mother, who was looking quite tall and suddenly had a fabulous tail very much like his own. "You can have all the squishy bits, Yoshi. Because you are my offspring and you are wonderful, and bad-assery and praises!"_

_Because that's totally the way his mother spoke. The eelhound happened to be a very good listener._

_Yoshi barked happily. "YAY! Even the colon?"_

_Julie smiled fondly. _"Especially _the colon."_

_"YAY!"_

_The baby reptile was about to tuck into the twitching, bleeding carcass of Prince Zuko when suddenly the fat, round uncle human popped up wearing a turtleduck beak. OH! He wasn't really human after all. Then it was okay not to kill this one._

_That was nice. This one knew how to give tummy rubs. That meant that he couldn't have been human. Humans were mean, stupid creatures who called Yoshi a bad dog and chased him. They were always yelling and stomping around, scaring away all the bestest prey, like the elephantrats. And Zuko was the worst human of all because he was taking mother away from him._

_Surely, everyone would be glad when Yoshi slayed him. Even the uncle, who looked as though he had something to say about all of this._

_"You have defeated my nephew in mortal combat, little one. Many praises for you, and also…" and the uncle not-human began to lapse into a metaphor-riddled anecdote about tea, and Yoshi stopped paying attention._

_Shen-Long was suddenly kneeling and petting him. "I am completely uninterested in mating with your mother because it turns out I am the female of my species. How convenient since I have a fish in my pocket."_

_Yoshi looked up sharply. "FISH? I wants a fish!"_

_Bo-Fen ambled over and took in the scene. "Sup?" she said to the eelhound. Then she noticed Zuko. "Huh." _

_She glanced around at the other humans, particularly at Shen-Long (who had a bow in his long hair and much longer eyelashes) and Jee (who had suddenly appeared on her left, sporting a mustache and beard that hung into his belt); and smiled._

_"Shen-Long's boobs are bigger than that, you know," she pointed out._

_Yoshi cocked his head to the side. "Really?"_

_Unnoticed by everyone else, the soldier's shirt became a bit tighter as the material strained against a pair of rapidly swelling mammary glands. He/She shot Bo-Fen a frantic look, but she only gave him a critical glance. "A little bigger. I think she can still breathe under her armor."_

_"Bo-Fen!" he…erm…she hissed. "Just what do you think you're doing?"_

_"You should have paid me back the ten copper you borrowed last week, Shen. Sorry…sister."_

And then the dream ended. Because Zuko had ripped the blankets off of his bed, grabbed Yoshi by the scruff of his neck, and held him up at eye-level. The eelhound gave a bark of dismay and tried to run. It took him about ten seconds to realize that there was no ground under his feet, and that he legs were flailing uselessly. But he kept trying for another five seconds…just to be sure.

Humans were tricky like that.

"You better have a good reason for being in my bed," he growled. "Or I'm skinning you."

_No! Momma! The butthead is trying to EAT me! The wonderful ME!_

Zuko eyed the reptile for a moment. It was actually kind of pathetic to watch; not that it changed his feelings for the eelhound any, but it did make him reconsider his original plan of _flambéing _the little bastard alive. Well, that and Julie's accusation that he was a "heartless bastard."

Killing a puppy, even a demonic puppy like Yoshi, would probably fall under the "heartless bastard" category. So he decided to take a civil approach.  
After all, he knew that the Unagi was capable of compromising. It was the whole reason he was stuck with Yoshi in the first place.

So instead of setting him on fire, Zuko took a deep breath to calm his temper. "Is there any reason at all you keep coming in my room?" he asked tiredly.

Yoshi strained and whimpered. _I don't like this. I wanna get down! Put me down, human! You're a bad human! I hate humans because they're all bad and take things away from me!_

The Fire Prince frowned. "You don't hate humans, you hate _me_."

_You call me a bad dog and you say mean things…and you don't give me tummy rubs. So that means you're human and I HATE you. So I'm gonna eat your face and give mother your spleen as an offering. She will be pleased._

He closed his eyes for a beat. He took another steadying breath. "I call you a bad dog because you come into my room and _attack_ me in my _sleep_."

_You're the one who tried to take momma away!_ Yoshi made a sad puppy noise and drooped. _You want momma to leave me all alone and call me a bad dog, too. And then you're going to breed with her and replace me with _your _offspring. And then I won't be special and bad-ass anymore. And THEN I won't get any more fish, or hugs, or fish, or tummy-rubs…or fish!_

Zuko stared at him. And then he stared some more. "What…the hell?"

It was almost as if that thing wanted him to feel sorry for it. The eelhound looked so forlorn and depressed that it actually made him feel bad about himself for a minute or two. But then, Zuko remembered that this wasn't a puppy, it was the Unagi. It didn't want Julie's love. It wanted her to be vulnerable in case it needed another human-Energybending-puppet.

He couldn't forget how frightened Julie had been the last time she had been possessed by the Unagi. The look on her face…the terror making her voice quaver as she begged him to let go of her and run…

Julie didn't deserve to suffer that much. She was annoying sometimes, but she was special…and brave. And Zuko wanted to protect her from this manipulative creature if he could.

"You must think I'm stupid, don't you?" he said.

Yoshi looked up and barked in the affirmative. _Yup. All humans are stupid. And bad._

Zuko ignored that. "Quit acting so helpless. I know what you really are. You're not an eelhound at all. You're the Unagi. You reincarnated into that form so you could continue terrorizing innocent people…and you're terrible at hiding it. You're a monster…"

The eelhound squirmed and struggled. _I'm not a monster or an…an…Una-something! I'm a hunter and mother loves me! And I am her offspring! And you're a butthead and I'm gonna GET you!_

"Unagi. You're the Unagi."

_I don't know what that is! I want mother! Give her back, human! _

Zuko shook his head, disgusted. "Fine. Keep up your act. But don't think I'm going to let you hurt Julie again."

Yoshi felt confused. His mother? When had he ever been a threat to his own mother? He couldn't remember doing anything bad or mean to Julie, but then again, he couldn't even remember what he had for breakfast. And he ate the same thing every day, so that was saying a lot.

Before he could say as much to Zuko, however, the Fire Prince had stalked over to his closet and opened the door. Suddenly, Yoshi found himself momentarily airborne as he was tossed unceremoniously inside. Fortunately, he landed in the hamper of dirty laundry and wasn't hurt. But the fall certainly surprised him, enough so that he couldn't scamper out again before Zuko had shut the door and locked it.

"I promised myself that I would protect her," he said through the crack in the door. "Just remember that."

And then he left the room, presumably so that he could take his bath.

Yoshi lay in the folds of clothes for a thoughtful minute, thinking very hard about what was just said to him. Had the Zuko-human just said that he was…_protecting_ mother? From him? And what were these soft things he was practically buried in? Why was it so dark in here?

Eelhounds had excellent night-vision, so it didn't take long for Yoshi's reptilian eyes to adjust. He found himself in a very confined place with no noticeable way of getting out. There _was _a thin thread of light pouring through the slit in the door, but it was too small for him to squeeze through. He had tried three and a half times.

The half time had been when he sneezed. And then he started barking because he thought there was another eelhound trapped in the closet with him, and he wanted to establish his territory first.

_I don't like it in here. Why did the Zuko-human put me here? Does he really think I'm gonna get momma? But…I love momma…and she loves me. Doesn't she?_

Yoshi felt like he was on the brink of something important. And since this was such a tremendously important thought, it wouldn't be good for him to forget it. He had to try very hard to keep the thought in his head, even though it kept floating away like a bubble, and…AAH! Bubbles! Bubbles were EVIL!

Yeah. There wasn't much thinking after that. Only frantic barking.

* * *

Zuko spent the rest of the afternoon soaking away his troubles in the bath. He had yelled at his uncle that he wasn't doing this for enjoyment, but even he couldn't deny how soothing was to have the warm water loosen the knots in his back. He breathed a sigh and cleared his mind.

Since he hadn't gotten much sleep at all that week, he ended up falling asleep right in the tub. It wasn't until another hour had passed that he was jerked awake by the sound of a door slamming.

He jerked awake.

"Don't know where…I can't find…"

Julie's voice sounded frantic and tinny from inside his washroom, but Zuko managed to make out a few words. And to his annoyance, Shen-Long was with her. That ingratiating colonist bastard.

"I'm sure he's around here somewhere, Julie. You know Yoshi. He tends to just wander off for a while, but he always comes back…usually by dinner."

"But…dammit, Shen…I keep telling you I looked everywhere! He's just _gone_!"

_Good riddance,_ Zuko thought. But then he felt something tugging at the back of his mind. Something he had forgotten. _Wait a minute…_

"Are you sure you looked everywhere?" Shen-Long asked, pausing right outside the washroom door. "You sure you didn't overlook any place?"

Julie let out a quick, angry sniff. "He always comes when I call him…and I _did _look everywhere, you asshat! Everywhere except…except…" she trailed off and went dead quiet.

Zuko suddenly got a very bad feeling in his stomach. It didn't help when, moments later, the memory of locking the missing eelhound in his closet emerged fresh in his brain. Had Julie already checked there? No, surely not. She wouldn't go in his room. She knew better.

But still…

"That sonofabitch…" Julie growled. "I'm going to fucking kill him!"

Apparently she knew how to put the pieces together.

Zuko hadn't planned on having her coming to Yoshi's rescue. In fact, once he was done with his bath, he had planned on returning to his room, taking the eelhound out of his closet, and bringing the little beast back to Julie with a smug _I-told-you-so. _But if she went snooping in his room and happened to check his closet…well…she might jump to the wrong conclusion.

Spirits, how long had he been in the bath, anyway? His hands and feet were all pruney.

Quickly, he climbed out of the tub and almost slipped in his haste to grab his robes and pull them on. He cursed under his breath and undid the latch in the door with clumsy fingers.

Julie and Shen-Long were quite surprised to see Zuko practically explode out of the washroom like that. They hadn't even realized it was being used, hence their lack of discretion in their conversation. Seeing him appear out of no-where, sopping wet and dressed in nothing but a bathrobe, stunned them into silence for about ten seconds.

"What…what's going on out here?" he demanded.

Julie blinked at him, taking in his bedraggled appearance. "Wait…you were in the _bath_ all this time?"

Zuko frowned and averted his gaze a bit to his left. "I…fell asleep…"

She scowled at him. "Oh, really? And I'm sure you have _no idea whatsoever _as to where the hell my baby eelhound is…well?"

In reply, he simply held up his wrinkled hands. "I'm not lying. I really was asleep in there."

There was an awkward pause as Julie and Shen-Long eyed his pruney fingers. They exchanged glances, as though to say, _what kind of idiot falls asleep in the tub…besides old people_. It made Zuko tense up, as he was prone to do whenever those two had their private moment of peasant-camaraderie; the kind that involved making light of rich, affluent persons such as himself and their so-called _haughty_ ways.

Zuko didn't think he was haughty. Just annoyed. And considering the fact that he had a massive burn scar covering half of his face, he felt justified in his feelings. He certainly wasn't about to go around explaining his behavior to every prick he happened to meet.

Still…he wished Julie wouldn't laugh at all those wisecracks Shen-Long liked to make at his expense. He didn't really sound so pompous…did he?

"…and I know you took him," she finished dramatically, stabbing Zuko in the shoulder with an accusing finger. He blinked at her, suddenly cognizant of the fact that she had been in full-on rant mode for the past two minutes.

"What?"

She breathed out a frustrated sigh. "Quit playing dumb! I know how much you hate Yoshi! He's just a baby, you dickhead, and I want him back, and I swear to God I'll rip your fucking face off if you don't give him to me!"

At this point, Julie was actually clawing at the front of Zuko's bathrobe and standing much too close to him. He felt a frantic blush cross his face as he took a step back, but she just pursued him, like an angry tigerdillo. She glared formidably at him, as formidably as any fuming teenage girl can be while blinking back very angry tears.

He stared at her, at a loss for words. Before he could stop himself, guilt seeped its way through him. It didn't help that Shen-Long was narrowing his eyes at him…almost as if he could sense the waves of guilt radiating from his body.

"Just how long were you in that bath again, your Highness?"

Zuko glared at him. "Long enough," he snapped. _You stupid, colonial bastard_. "And I…I haven't seen your stupid eelhound…" he lied, not quite looking at Julie or Shen-Long at this point. "How long has he been missing?"

"Practically all day! And I heard you calling him a stupid animal before! I know how to put two and two together, Zu…!"

He ignored the dubious looks from Shen-Long and focused his attention on the redhead, who was actually on the alarming verge of tears. He put his hands on her shoulders, not as a comforting gesture, but to keep her from getting within claw's reach of his face. "If you want, I'll check my room and see if the monster is hiding in there. I bet you he's gotten into my things again…"

And then, surreptitiously, he would pluck the eelhound out of the closet, dump him into Julie's arms, and pretend that he had caught the mischievous critter under his bed…or somewhere else that was less suspicious than a locked closet. The best part was that Julie would be none the wiser, and it would put that stupid colonist in his place. The nerve of him, giving him these furtive, _I-know-you-did-it_ looks…Spirits, if Julie wasn't so attached to him, he'd have booted him off the ship by now for his constant insubordination.

She blinked at him for a second. "W-wait…really? You're…actually going to help me look for him?"

Shen-Long frowned. "Wonderful."

Julie gave him a look that told him to _shut-up_, which made Zuko's mood improve by a couple of notches. "I don't mind having you help, but…" she trailed off for a second, shaking her head. "…it's weird. You hate Yoshi. I'd have thought you'd order us not to look for him or something…"

And just like that, his good mood died.

"I may not like the animal," he said. "And I might not approve of the company you keep, peasant…but that doesn't mean I'd…I mean…I wouldn't do that to you! Spirits, what the hell kind of person do you take me for, anyway?"

This seemed to make Julie feel bad about herself. Her shoulders slumped. "I…I'm sorry…I just…he's never hidden from me before. And he's just a baby, Zuko…he could die, or…or get eaten…"

"He's not going to get eaten," said Shen-Long quickly, noticing that she was working herself up again. "Yoshi is a predator…and those elephantrats are more scared of him than he is of them. He's probably napping somewhere. We'll find him."

"He's right," Zuko added. "I'm sure that he's…what are you two staring at?"

Because now they were full-on gaping at him.

"Since when do you _ever _agree with anything I say?" Shen-Long demanded suspiciously.

Zuko quickly rallied himself. "Since the first time you decided to say something even remotely logical," he shot back. "Of course the eelhound is somewhere. We're out at sea…where could he _possibly _go?"

"Why don't _you_ tell _us_?"

But Julie went stiff and rounded on him. "Shen-Long, what the hell? Zuko's right…he wouldn't do that to me. And he certainly wouldn't do that to a baby animal…even one he didn't like. Right?" she added, looking hopefully up at Zuko.

He felt like a total dick.

"Um…yeah. Obviously."

She nodded, as if that settled everything. "Good. Then let's go look for Yoshi. I'm sure we just…missed him somehow. He's got to be here."

But Zuko could tell that she was just trying to keep her spirits up. She was obviously very worried about the puppy. For Agni's sake…this was getting out of hand.

"I think we should check Prince Zuko's room first," said Shen-Long curtly. "Since it's the only place we haven't checked yet."

The Fire Prince opened his mouth, then shut it again. He couldn't think of any excuse he could give them without giving himself away. So he squared his shoulders and stalked off down the hallway towards where his room was. "I'll go check. I'm not having peasants in my room…_Spirits_…"

But Julie and Shen-Long followed, much to his chagrin. He felt ridiculous, leading them all the way to his private quarters and dripping bath-water everywhere (he hadn't really had the chance to dry off properly), but he did it all the same. He didn't have much of a choice.

"Let me get dressed first," he said to them hastily as he put his hand on the doorknob. "I'm not looking for that stupid animal dressed in nothing but a bathrobe."

Shen-Long folded his arms and gave him another judging look, but Julie flushed a bright red. She apparently didn't even realize Zuko was dressed in close to nothing…and she had gotten awfully close to him back there, and…her face was a vivid scarlet as she scowled down at her feet.

"W-why didn't you say something earlier, idiot?" she stammered. "Fine, then…but hurry up!"

He felt a little awkward seeing how embarrassed Julie was. But he quickly shook it off and retreated into his bedroom, locking the door behind him.

Breathing a sigh, he ran his hand across his scalp. _That stupid Unagi is going to be the death of me._ He shook his head again as he crossed the room and fumbled with the latch to his closet door. He was nervous, so it took him a while to get the lock undone. And then, Zuko tore open the door, expecting to see Yoshi whining petulantly up at him and demanding a fish for his troubles.

He stared. And he stared. He rubbed at his good eye with his hand for a few seconds, then looked again. But no matter how many times he looked, the only thing he continued to see was an empty closet.

Yoshi was gone.

* * *

**A/N: Things certainly didn't turn out the way Zuko planned. Thinking he bought himself an afternoon of peace, he locked Yoshi temporarily in his closet…only now he could be on the brink of topping Julie's permanent shit-list when the eelhound inexplicably vanishes. Will things get out of hand in his renewed search for the eelhound? Will Shen-Long be able to prove Zuko's guilt in the crime? And just where did Yoshi scamper off to, anyway?**

**I know this was more of a Zuko chapter than a Yoshi chapter, and I apologize. However, it's important to see two sides to every argument, and the same is true in this instance. I can hardly begin to finish this little episode if I don't at least explain Zuko's side of the story. They need an opportunity to understand one another, and this is just the way to do it. Mayhaps will the Fire Prince learn a newfound appreciation for Yoshi when it looks as though he's truly gone for good?**

**Is he really gone for good?**

**The only way any of you will find out is if you REVIEW!**


	8. Mommy Issues, Part III

**A/N: I know I promised this scene up within a week of the last chapter of The Drifter, but lo and behold that it didn't work out the way I planned. Not to mention that this turned out to be way longer and better than I anticipated, and I sure as hell am not complaining.**

**Also, my friend was coming to stay with me for the weekend. That took some preparation and involved a lot of cleaning (since I am way too lazy to do much on a normal day-to-day basis), and naturally that ate up a lot of my time and focus. And yeah, I had to work late every day this week so I could take a half-day on Friday. I wanted to make the most of the four-day weekend.**

**I couldn't post this yesterday, either, because it was Memorial Day and the library was closed. Sorry, guys.**

**There. Now that you've swallowed my pitiful excuses, I hope you can put aside your general disgust for me as an author and find it in your hearts to enjoy the Deleted Scene I slaved over for your entertainment. I hope it will suffice, and that it is everything you ever could have wanted in a Deleted Scene.**

**Well, it shouldn't be THAT hard. I mean, come on. _Yoshi's _in it.**

* * *

**"Mommy Issues, Part III"**

It had been a locked closet. A _locked _closet.

How the hell did one eelhound, an animal who lacked opposable thumbs as well as a brain to use them, manage to worm his way out of the _inside_ of a _locked closet_…?

Probably the same way the little bastard had been sneaking into his room every night. Zuko was on the verge of slamming his head into something very solid, either until he lost consciousness or until he was too brain-dead to process his seething frustration. The fact that he was so on-edge only made things worse; especially while he had that sick feeling of guilt still sitting in his stomach like a sour-faced iguana-toad. Not a good combination, that.

However, Zuko was not a stranger to unpleasant surprises and knew just how to get his ass into gear under such circumstances. The moment Julie realized that he was partially responsible for Yoshi's disappearance, she would be unimaginably furious. Not that he was _afraid_ of Julie. Hell, he could probably knock her out in ten seconds flat if she tried to get violent with him.

But it was the memory of her blinking back those angry tears that made his insides squirm. Zuko suspected that on some universal level, there wasn't a single man on the face of the earth (who wasn't some depraved psychopath) that could endure a woman's tears. Seeing Julie like that had sent rapid distress signals shooting through his body, his internal fight or flight system kicking into overdrive. It was _not _a weakness, but his body's natural response to something visually unpleasant. Right?

That was what Zuko was doggedly telling himself as he rifled through his closet, digging around for clues of the eelhound's whereabouts.

"Dammit," he cursed. Sure enough, the one time he actually needed the stupid animal to be there, he couldn't find a trace of him.

He gave a start when he heard an impatient rapping on his door.

"Zuko, what are you doing in there? Painting your goddamn toenails…?"

In spite of his guilt, Zuko felt a stab of irritation. "You know, I don't have to help you look for that little monster," he snapped, loud enough for her to hear him through the metal. "I suggest you change your tone, peasant!"

"Please…will you just hurry?"

Please. That girl never uttered the word, please, in her life. She was the most thankless individual on the face of the earth. And now she was practically begging him to help her, swallowing her pride…albeit, gracelessly, but still. Zuko was amazed. He knew Julie was fond of the eelhound, but he never suspected she cared _that_ much.

"I'll be out in a second. I was just checking to see if he was in here."

Well, it wasn't technically a lie. And it managed to appease the worried girl long enough for Zuko to put some clothes on. He basically just grabbed whatever he could get his hands on first, ripping it off the hanger and pulling it on at record speed. He wouldn't have been surprised if he had put something on backwards or inside out in his harried state.

He found Julie and Shen-Long out in the hallway where he had left them. Upon emerging, the redhead immediately turned hopeful green eyes at him and making his stomach lurch in response.

"He wasn't there," he said simply.

All the energy seemed to drain out of her, making it seem as though she were shrinking into herself in disappointment.

"Oh…" she said quietly.

Zuko didn't know what to say. He was half-afraid that she would start crying again, and for a moment it looked as though she seriously might. But it was a testament to the girl's resilience when she steeled herself up instead, forcing herself to look mildly irritated instead of what she was actually feeling…which he suspected was, quite frankly, worried sick.

Julie's eyes were the only things that gave away how miserable she was. "Sorry for bitching at you just now. I'm just…I mean, I…oh, hell. Just forget it, okay...?"

"It's fine, just…um…well, don't do it…again…?"

Why couldn't he stop being so awkward? Why was he suddenly so tongue-tied and wishy-washy? Was he seriously that weak? He should have been able to feel properly indignant, except for the fact that he knew deep down that she had every right to be angry. If she knew the truth, she'd be the first in line to castrate him with a rusty spoon.

Zuko couldn't remember feeling so uncomfortable since that time on his sixteenth birthday, when his uncle had brought him to the red-lamp district at some seedy harbor-town and _left_ _him alone_ while he chatted up the tavern-keeper (who happened to be some old lady that they had never met before). A few girls had strayed over to his end of the room, taken one look at his scar, _froze up_, and scurried away like frightened meadow-voles.

And then Uncle had tried to buy him a lap dance from a hooker. At that point Zuko had decided to call his birthday a night, dragging his thoroughly sloshed crew (not to mention Uncle) back to the ship for disciplinary action. The next morning, all of them were badly hung-over and complaining dolefully that they would never drink again.

Zuko reflected in silence as he stared at Julie's retreating back. He couldn't help but notice how very different she was from other girls, both in her manner and temperament. She had to be one of the most unfeminine people he had ever met…and yet, as crass and outspoken as she was, she somehow managed to endear herself to him.

The thing was, Julie had never treated him any differently than the way she felt he deserved to be treated. The scar was about as significant to her as any other part of his face. In other words, she didn't give a shit and didn't care who knew it. It was why it always surprised him those moments when she would turn unexpectedly soft, like now, for instance. Julie was brutally honest, but she wasn't heartless in the least. It made it seem like a privilege to earn her trust and her friendship.

"Are you sure he wasn't in there, Your Highness?"

His golden eyes cut to Shen-Long, who interrupted his thoughts with a brazen remark. They narrowed in dislike, something that became almost a knee-jerk response to having the flippant colonist anywhere in his field of vision. Seriously, what did that crazy girl _see _in him, anyway? She _had to_ realize how annoyingly smug he was. And condescending, too. Spirits, if it wasn't so hard to find good help these days, he'd have dropped his ass off at the last harbor weeks ago.

As insubordinate as Shen-Long was, though, he never talked down to Julie. Granted, he teased her a lot, but it seemed to be born out of genuine affection and good-humor (which was the only reason Zuko tolerated it, so long as it wasn't distracting to the rest of the crew). He never actually did anything to hurt her feelings, and even let the girl roll over him in her frequent surges of animosity towards the world.

The fact that he could be so patient where Zuko would lose his temper was like rubbing salt in the wound. He probably shouldn't have been so surprised that those two were this close.

Still…he didn't have to make things so _difficult _for him.

"Do you really think I'd _lie_ about something like this?" he growled, giving Shen-Long a dirty look.

The soldier didn't even bat an eye. "I just think that one person is going to have problems finding an eelhound as sneaky as this one. You might have _missed him_ in your search."

Zuko paused. Did Shen-Long…know something?

"No," he replied, bemused and a bit paranoid now. "I'm sure he isn't in there."

"Can we get a move on?" Julie demanded impatiently, reaching over and tugging on the colonist's arm before he could get another word out. "I don't have time to listen to you bitch at each other. Have your testosterone face-off later, okay?"

He glanced down at her. "That won't be necessary," he said. "…because no one is fighting. Right?" he added, looking up at Zuko.

Great. Now _he'd _look like an asshole if he said anything but, yes.

"Obviously," he muttered. "I have better things to do, anyway."

Julie narrowed her eyes at him. "Is one of those things _looking for my eelhound_?"

"If it wasn't, do you really think I'd still be here, you crazy girl?"

Zuko had attempted to sound aloof, like he didn't care one way or another. But the redhead disregarded that entirely; after all, she already knew very well how much the Fire Prince hated Yoshi. The fact that he was helping her at all said a lot, and if she wasn't so freaking worried she'd be trying harder to express her gratitude. Right now, all she could really do was keep herself from clawing someone's face off.

"Sorry," she mumbled. "I…let's check the storage hatch. Maybe he slipped into there and can't get out."

And then she hurried away from the two males, hugging her arms to her sides and looking troubled. Zuko and Shen-Long paused long enough to shoot each other hostile glances before going after Julie. They certainly weren't about to let one out-do the other.

The race to find Yoshi was _on_.

* * *

_I need to find it…I need to get it…here? Where is it? I needs it!_

The scaled muzzle of a certain eelhound poked under a sofa, small whines escaping it as the young animal tried to force his way underneath it. Unfortunately for him, the desired prey in question wasn't even there, so all that effort was for nothing. Yoshi was disappointed…and also, very, very unhappy. And a little bit hungry, too…yeah.

The young reptile envisioned a retreating elephantrat butt, just waiting for him to pounce on and clamp his jaws around…and then he would rip the belly open and…oh, the liver…it would taste the bestest of all the livers in the whole wide world! And it would be _his _liver for eating!

It was a known fact that only prey had livers. Yoshi knew this because everything he ate had a liver and everything he ate was prey…so naturally, one meant the other. It was simple common sense.

_We must not do this thing, _the Thing deep inside him growled unexpectedly. _Slaughtering the Zuko is counterproductive to killing the Zhao-human. That is most important._

Oh, right. He had been hunting _human_ prey. Yoshi had forgotten about that.

He had also forgotten about the Thing. The eelhound had been hoping it would stay sleeping long enough for him to take down his enemy. But he supposed that since the Thing was a part of Yoshi, It had to stay awake whenever Yoshi was awake. It was very frustrating since they both obviously wanted different things. He considered going to sleep himself, only to realize about half-way through that this would mean that no killing would get done, which was apparently what the Thing wanted.

The Thing was a sneaky Thing. Yoshi wished he could kill It.

This was mostly because he didn't like this Thing-deep-inside. No, he didn't like it very much at all. Unlike Yoshi, the Thing was _not _a good dog. It was scary and mean, and _also _insinuated that _he_ was the one being a bad dog. And Yoshi was definitely _not _a bad dog. See? See how sneaky It was? It had to be evil! It was an Evil Thing!

And Evil Things that were also very Sneaky had to be killed somehow. But for now, all he could do was be sneaky right back. He would be the sneakiest sneak in all of sneak-dom! RAWRZ!

_But mother loves him more than me, _Yoshi argued. _He is a disgusting human who hates us and calls us bad and locks us in smelly dark places! We hates him!_

_He is our chosen puppet. If he dies, our plan has failed._

_But…our plan is to kill the Zuko-human, yes?_

_No! The Zhao-human first!_

_You mean the Zuko._

_No…the Zhao!_

_You mean the Zhao-human,_ Yoshi countered, like rapid-fire.

The Thing's response was almost instantaneous. _No, _It said quite huffily. _The Zuko! _

It should be also be said that since the Thing was a part of Yoshi, they had a lot in common. Unfortunately for It, this basically meant that they shared the same amount of intelligence, not to mention hobbies, interests, and the same attention-span. So it went without saying that all the things that would fool a baby eelhound were bound to fool It.

Hook, line, and sinker.

_YAAAAAAAAAAY…!_

_Wait…! No! I meant the Zhao! The Zhaaaaaaaao…!_

But Yoshi had already taken off down the hallway, barking so loudly that he couldn't even hear himself think; which, consequentially meant that he couldn't hear what the Thing was saying, either. It was so hard to trick oneself, but hadn't he just proved how sneaky and clever he was? He was a bad-ass!

And soon, he would be his mother's _only _bad-ass. The Zuko-butthead would die.

The fact of the matter was that Yoshi—in spite of the massive size he would reach upon adulthood—was not very large or intimidating in his current state. Furthermore, he had pounced on Zuko enough times to learn that it was not wise to attack him head on. Even waiting for him to be asleep had proved futile, for the moment the wretched human was awake he would have poor Yoshi by the scruff of his neck, and he would bark and bark, and he would bark some more…but it wouldn't do any good.

Naturally, he would have to resort to drastic measures to win this fight.

He would have to ensure that the Zuko did not…or _could not_ fight back. Those hands of his would have to be occupied somehow. He'd have to be doing something important with those hands, something that meant he couldn't let go of whatever he was holding. And then Yoshi would take him down…hard.

It would also help if the Zuko fell from a great height, so that way he hit the ground even harder. Yes, that would be perfect.

If only there was a very, very high place that he could fall from. Yoshi thought this with a despairing sigh, all the way from his perch of about fifty feet in the air on the roof of the helm…which was suddenly where he was sitting. Yes, if only such a place existed. If only!

He put his paws over his eyes and whined. _Why is this so hard? I am the bad-ass…I should not have problems doing this thing that I must do! I don't deserve these problems…! I deserve many other things, and none of them are the problems! You can't EAT problems…!_

Curse that human. He must have planned it to be this way from the start. He was probably secretly gloating right now, imagining poor Yoshi unable to commit a horrific act of slaughter...thinking of other ways he could _not_ die, just to spite him…grrrrr…!

That was when the little eelhound heard the voices drifting up from the deck, far, far below him. Yoshi blinked and looked down, catching sight of his beloved mother easily amongst the humans who were with her.

_Momma! _

Yoshi wanted to get down. He wanted to go to Julie and lick her and snuggle with her, and have her say all sorts of wonderful things about him while she fed him fish. He wanted this very, very badly; however, as he looked around him, he seemed to be having difficulty finding a way back down.

Up had been easy. He couldn't remember how he had done it, but it must have been easy. He had done it, after all.

But down? Down looked scary…

The truly sad part about all of this was not that poor Yoshi was stuck on the helm, or the fact that he was separated from his mother and life-giver, or even the fact that he had no fish to eat or elephantrats to chase (and those were _very _serious things). No, the real tragedy lay in the fact that even while all of this was happening, it hadn't even occurred to the eelhound that the top of the helm was _a very high place_; namely, the kind of place he had been wanting Zuko to fall from.

All he knew was that he was up and wanted to go down. And this made Yoshi very unhappy.

* * *

The storage hatch was an easy-to-access trap-door on deck that the crew kept most of their non-fragile supply items in. It was also the place where many previously-mentioned crew members would hawk loogies into when they had, had just one shot of fire-whiskey more than was good for them. It wasn't like anyone really noticed since it was just a hatch covering a dark, gaping hole that led deep into the ship. The only time it became an issue was if someone happened to be doing inventory while said loogie-hawking was being done.

However, none of the three persons assembled around the storage hatch had any intention of hawking loogies. Not Julie, who was frantically searching for her lost puppy; not Shen-Long, who was too busy supervising a suspiciously guilty-looking Prince of the Fire Nation; and certainly not Zuko himself, who was still trying to wrap his brain around the fact that Yoshi had escaped from his closet to begin with. Spirits, this just wasn't his day, was it?

If only he had any idea how much worse things would get before the day was over.

"Do you think he got in there somehow?" Julie asked, peering deep into the gaping blackness. Shen-Long and Zuko both looked at her, then at the hole.

"I really doubt it," said the soldier. "I mean, he wouldn't even be able to open the hatch-door. It's not like he has opposable thumbs or anything."

"If he can get out of a…I mean…if he can keep sneaking into my room every night, then he wouldn't have much difficulty getting into the storage room."

Zuko had almost slipped and mentioned the forbidden topic of the locked closet. Fortunately, Julie was too wound up by his comment to really notice or care. She was basically convinced that Yoshi had somehow managed to stumble and fall from a ridiculous height into the hatch. For all she knew, he could be broken and hurt at the bottom of the shaft!

"Oh, God…I'm going down there!" she declared, grasping the lip of the hatch and swinging her legs over so she could begin her descent.

Zuko and Shen-Long simultaneously jumped forwards and seized the desperate girl by her arms before she did anything stupid. She threatened their lives and their manhood a few times, and they, in turn, told her not to be an idiot; you know, the usual song and dance.

"Are you crazy…?" Zuko cried. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Julie glared at him. "Whadduya mean, what am I doing? If Yoshi fell down there…I have to go get him!"

"He probably just got in from the door down below! And for that matter, you could just use the door yourself! Don't go and kill yourself, stupid peasant…!"

She blinked in confusion. "Wait…there's a door?"

Oh, for the love of… "YES! How do you think we get to the things we _need_? Do you honestly believe we throw ourselves through the hole and hope to the Spirits we don't break our necks!"

Shen-Long sighed, as though he were suffering greatly. "As much as I hate to agree with his royal fussy-boots, Julie, I'm going to have to just this once."

And that was all that needed to be said. At this declaration, Julie had managed to turn a fantastic shade of red, and wouldn't meet their gazes as she climbed awkwardly away from the hatch and dusted herself off. But not before jerking herself out of their hands as roughly as she knew how.

"I…just forgot, I guess…I mean…I totally _knew _that, okay!" she told them, feeling the need to justify her moment of near-fatal short-sightedness. "Anyway, if there's a door, why did we come all the way on deck?"

"You were the one leading the way," Zuko had the bad judgment to point out.

"S-shut up!"

"Then don't ask questions you don't want answered."

That was when they all heard it: the shrill and unmistakable sound of barking from what could only be an eelhound. Julie turned her head so sharply that you could hear the joints in her neck popping. Her eyes rapidly scanned the area, and the girl was becomingly increasingly frustrated when she still wasn't able to figure out where the noise was coming from.

"Up there," Shen-Long said suddenly, pointing up at the helm.

Julie sucked in her breath. "Oh…! He'll die up there! I have to go get him…!"

The soldier caught her arm. "Hold on a second. Are you seriously telling me that you don't remember the last time you tried climbing up there? Remember how you almost fell and died, and Prince Zuko had to go and get you?"

The girl scowled. "I remember _you _ratting me out, if that's what you mean. Anyway, there's no time! Look at him! He'll topple over the edge if he isn't careful! And he's so scared, look at him!"

They all looked. Yoshi was whining pitifully, his forepaws covering his eyes and his body trembling. He certainly looked scared all right.

Zuko couldn't believe the fact that the little bugger was even up there to begin with. He stared and stared, disbelief marring his calm and logical sensibilities. That had to have been the logical explanation for what he did next. Because there was no way an intelligent, strong-minded young man would ever allow himself to fall prey to such weakness…or even one with half a brain in his head.

"I can't just leave him, Shen-Long…he's just a baby…!"

Dammit.

"I'll get him," he grumbled, pushing his way past the two of them before either of them could so much as blink. But then, he glanced over his shoulder at Julie. "If I see you put one hand on the ladder, I swear to Agni you'll be cleaning out latrines for the rest of your life. Understand?"

The redhead just gaped at him. She made a noise of protest as he started climbing up, but didn't seem to know what to say. Apparently she was just as surprised by Zuko's actions as Zuko was himself. Words continued to elude her as she watched him begin his climb up the ladder towards the top of the helm.

Yoshi still had his paws over his eyes when he caught the scent of something approaching him from below. It was the very-distinguishable scent of his foe, he knew that immediately. He had been tracking the wretched human long enough to be sure. The eelhound looked over the edge again and saw the Zuko human inching towards him on the ladder, annoyance visible in his expression.

What a mean look on his face. Instinct made him want to _bite_ him. He knew what _that_ look was for. _That _look meant that the Zuko would say more nasty things and make him sad. _That_ look meant he would be mean to Mother, or grab him and lock him up…or…or do other bad things!

Yoshi backed up from the edge and started growling a warning at Zuko.

_Go away! I hate you! I am NOT a bad dog…! You're the bad dog! Go down…!_

The Fire Prince saw the eelhound getting too close to the other end of the roof, just trying to get away from him. He felt a quick thrum of panic at the thought of the animal stumbling backwards off the edge. There was no way he could catch the little monster if he fell from over there. And then…

"Easy," Zuko said in a low voice. "I'm not going to hurt you…"

_You're a bad, lying human! You put me in the dark place! I don't LIKE you…!_

"I'm sorry, okay? Just…please, stay still. I'm going to get you down!"

Yoshi started barking and snarling. _NO…! I HATE YOU…! STAY AWAY! You just want to take Mother away! You don't want me…! _

Zuko gritted his teeth. Was the Unagi stupid? Couldn't it tell how much danger it was in? Or did it already have a way back down…? Either way, he couldn't take the risk. The Unagi was vicious, that much was apparent, but evidence also pointed out that it definitely wasn't the brightest lamp in the Fire Nation. It was more likely that it was too distracted by its hatred for Zuko to listen to reason.

_I want Mother…_ Yoshi whimpered. _I don't want you…I want my Mother…! Momma, help…!_

He froze, feeling a sharp wave of déjà vu crashing down on him.

.. .. ..

_"Where is she?" a younger version of Zuko demanded, glaring tearfully up at his father. _

_The Fire Lord didn't give any indication that he had heard the boy. His back was rigidly straight, his shoulders tensed and cold. The prince couldn't see the man's face, but he imagined it was just as unmoved as the rest of him. He wasn't going to get any answer from him, that much was sure._

_But this wasn't right. Zuko wanted his mother. The woman who loved and protected him since infancy, with her gentle poise and warm embraces…the kind-faced woman who tucked him in every night and tickled him and sang to him, who always smelled like honey and flowers…the thought of her going away forever left a terrible, dark shadow over him. He felt vulnerable and alone._

_He wanted his mother. More than anything, he wanted his mother._

_Where was she?_

_.. .. .._

The eelhound seemed genuinely distressed as he continued to call out for Julie, for his mother. Zuko felt a stab of guilt that made his heart ache. He hadn't meant to be cruel…he wasn't being cruel, was he? The Unagi was a monster. It wanted to use them for its own twisted ends and then it would kill them. He had every right to be hostile, hadn't he?

_Momma…!_

Dammit.

"Yoshi," he said. "Good dog."

The barking stopped immediately.

"That's a good boy," Zuko continued, encouraged by such a drastic reaction. "You're going to be okay. I'm going to bring you to your mother…just keep being a good dog. Okay? Stay very still and quiet, and then you can have a treat. Okay?"

Yoshi didn't move at all. _I'm a…GOOD dog…?_

"You're a _very _good dog. I was wrong to say that you weren't. You're a very, very good dog."

He started to climb again, getting closer and closer to the top, slowly and purposefully. He didn't want to go too fast and startle the already excitable animal. Slow and steady, that was how he had to be. If Yoshi fell, that was it. It was all over.

The eelhound growled once as Zuko neared the top, but it was halfhearted. _But you said I was bad. I'm not a bad dog! You're trying to trick me!_

"No, you're a good dog. I can see that now. You're not bad at all. You just want your mother, don't you?"

_Y…yes…!_

"I can bring you to her, safe and sound. Just wait there. Be very good and don't move, okay?"

Yoshi whined in protest, but didn't argue. Zuko reached the top and met the eelhound's confused gaze. He hesitated, not sure if he should go ahead and grab him or not. He would have to do it one-handed, and if Yoshi started to struggle…that could be bad.

So, instead, he held out his hand. He remembered his uncle telling him to do this with new mounts, to get used to his scent and to build trust. It was a simple gesture, and with luck it would keep the young reptile docile long enough for Zuko to save him.

Yoshi eyed the hand suspiciously and clamped his jaws around it. The Fire Prince let out a hiss of pain, but didn't pull away. He kept perfectly still.

The eelhound growled low, tightening his grip. He could see Zuko wincing from the added pressure, so he knew he could feel his teeth digging into his flesh. It had to hurt very badly. But then, if that was true, why was he continuing to stay like that? Why hadn't he ripped his hand away and started yelling? Was the human broken already?

"Good dog…" Zuko breathed, ignoring the pain. "It's okay…"

Yoshi stopped growling. _Good? I'm a good dog?_

Immediately, he let go of Zuko's hand. He could see blood oozing out of the fresh gashes in his flesh, dripping on to the cold metal of the helm and staining it red. But this wasn't right. Only prey was supposed to bleed, and prey thought that Yoshi was a bad dog, not a good dog. So, if Zuko thought Yoshi was a _good _dog, now, that meant that he wasn't prey…! Which meant that he had just attacked something that _wasn't_ prey!

And that was bad. He was a bad dog.

Yoshi sniffed Zuko's hand tentatively, just to be sure. No, there was no angry meanness in his scent anymore…just a need to reach out to the reptile. He let out a frightened whimper as he realized what he had done.

_I'm sorry…! I didn't mean to…!_ The bewildered puppy could only lick at the Fire Prince's wounds in an attempt to make it better. _I'm sorry!_

"It's okay," Zuko said again. "It's going to be okay…"

_But I'm a bad dog! I made you bleed!_

"Don't worry about that. Just stay very still for me. I'm going to pick you up and carry you down. Will you let me?"

_Will that make me a good dog again?_

"Yes," he said calmly. "And I'll give you a very big fish for dinner if you behave. Just please don't move or try to run away. That's all I'm asking."

Yoshi thought about this. And then he thought some more. _I can stay still…and Mother?_

"Julie will be so happy to see you. She loves you very much."

_Even though I'm a bad dog?_

Zuko breathed a sigh. "You're _not _a bad dog anymore. You're a good dog. Okay?"

…_okay…_

Good. That was some progress at least. Now he could only hope the eelhound kept his word.

Slowly, Zuko brought his arm up and snaked it around Yoshi's torso in a loop. He made sure he had a firm hold of him before pulling him close to him. He felt the eelhound tense up in panic as he saw himself being dragged close to the edge, but before he could so much as growl, he was being pressed safely against Zuko's chest. Yoshi frantically dug his claws into the fabric of his shirt, clutching it in a death grip.

_I don't like this…! I wanna go back…!_

"Shhh…" he breathed, trying to soothe the frightened reptile. "I've got you."

_I want Momma…!_

"Then stay still and I'll bring you to her. Just be patient."

Yoshi wasn't happy about this at all. He wanted his mother NOW. Mother was safer…and her chest was softer than the Zuko-human's, though not by much; but it was enough to make a difference to Yoshi. Julie's scent made him feel safe and protected. He was still getting used to Zuko.

They started to climb down. Julie and Shen-Long watched nervously, neither of them daring to speak in fear that they would distract Zuko and make him stumble. He was high enough that a fall would do him some serious damage…maybe even kill him.

Zuko continued to murmur reassuring words to the eelhound as he put one foot below the other carefully on the rungs of the ladder.

"We're almost there. Just be brave. You're a very good dog, Yoshi."

Yoshi whimpered, but licked Zuko's hand to acknowledge that he had been heard.

"They're almost there," Julie breathed, standing on tip-toes to keep them in view. "They're almost…oh, God…! Zuko…!"

Her gasp shattered the calm as the Fire Prince's foot slipped from underneath his weight. He cursed as he lurched down, with only his one good hand holding him up on the ladder. Yoshi jumped in alarm as they dangled precariously in the air, and he started barking shrilly, demanding to be released.

_No…! NO! I don't wanna go down anymore! STOP! STOP…!_

"Yoshi, don't…wait…! It's okay! It's…arrrgggh…!"

His sweaty fingers lost their grip on the ladder, and they were falling.

"ZUKO!" Julie cried.

Shen-Long pushed her back and started to run to the scarred teen's aid, knowing that it wouldn't do any good, and that the odds of catching either him or the eelhound were very slim. He was going to try, though, in spite of his seething dislike for the young prince; in spite of everything because Julie couldn't stand to lose him. Not that he particularly wanted to see a sixteen-year-old boy die under any circumstances, but there was no way he would let the girl suffer that kind of loss if he could help it, either.

Julie felt helpless as she watched them plummeting towards the ground. She covered her eyes so that she wouldn't have to watch Zuko die.

And then, all of a sudden, they stopped.

Literally, stopped.

Zuko felt his jaw drop as he saw a familiar cold blue aura surrounding him and Yoshi. He felt a supernatural force pushing them up, keeping them floating in the air despite every law of physics in existence. And the last time he had seen this blue light, he had been…holy spirits.

He looked sharply at Yoshi and saw his eyes glowing blue.

Slowly, they drifted towards the ground like a leaf in the wind, down and down until they reached the solid floor of the deck. They plopped down right at Shen-Long's feet, and the soldier was staring at them like he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Zuko really couldn't blame him since he couldn't believe it, either. This just defied belief or explanation.

Julie peeked through her fingers and saw Zuko alive and unharmed, Yoshi safe in his arms. She let out a delighted scream as she ran towards them, brushing aside Shen-Long and tackling them both in an angry hug.

Zuko found this just as surreal.

"Holy crap…holy crap…" she breathed, squeezing the bejeezus out of them. "You could have died, you stupid asshole…! And you saved him…! Oh, my God…thank you…!"

He felt heat flooding his face and tried awkwardly to hug her back. However, Yoshi was squirming in between them, desperate to reach Julie so he could have a hug just for him. It was a universally-proven fact that eelhounds were the world's best cock-blocks in existence.

_Momma! Hug me!_

Julie let out a shaky laugh, tears in her eyes as she seized her puppy and cradled him in her arms. "Hey, little guy…I missed you so much! Don't ever leave me, got it?"

_I'm-a LICK YO' FAAAAAAACE…!_

And he did. The redhead felt the rough edge of his tongue lapping up the side of her face, leaving a thick coating of slobber behind. She grimaced, but was able to tolerate it. She was just glad that he was alive and safe.

"That was…unexpectedly kind of you," Shen-Long spoke up, standing over Zuko. The Prince met his gaze in surprise, but before he could comment, the soldier had turned on his heel and walked briskly away. He disappeared below deck and did not resurface.

"Shen-Long?" Julie muttered, taken aback. "Huh. What's his problem?"

Zuko hesitated. "Um…he said he had to pee."

What the hell? If he could be nice to a little monster like Yoshi, he could manage to lie to keep Shen-Long out of trouble. He could be the bigger person if he wanted to, right?

Julie frowned, but seemed to accept this. "Yeah. I nearly pissed myself, too, when you guys fell. Shit…I thought you were goners."

"Me too," Zuko admitted sheepishly.

She was still staring at him, as though trying to puzzle something together.

"Why?" she asked softly.

He looked at her. "What?"

"Why'd you do it? You hate Yoshi. I thought you'd be glad to get rid of him…but you almost died to save him." She half-frowned, half-oggled up at him, her lips pressed together in deep thought. "So, why?"

He felt his words sticking in the back of his throat. She scowled in confusion, watching him and continuing not to understand. Finally, he managed to stammer out a response.

"Would you rather I let him fall?" he demanded.

"Wha…? No! I just…it's kind of becoming a thing for you, lately. Saving people you can't stand, I mean. Like…" she looked down at her lap, not meeting his gaze. "…like when you came looking for me on Kyoshi Island. Remember?"

Zuko felt prickles of frustration. "It's not a thing. I don't hate you at all. And I don't hate _him_. In fact, I…dammit, we're friends, aren't we?"

Julie let out a short, curt laugh. "That doesn't mean you have to like me…or die trying to save my puppy. You don't owe me diddly-squat."

What kind of friends was this girl used to having, anyway?

"Don't be stupid," he said firmly. "And quit saying that I don't care about you. It's getting on my nerves."

She seemed to be abashed by this. Her face turned rosy as she jerked away from him, her brow furrowed and her expression good-and-annoyed.

"You're a freak," she grumbled.

And with that said, she stormed off, following Shen-Long's path below deck with Yoshi still trapped in her arms. Zuko watched her slam the door shut behind her, not surprised by her actions in the least.

That was just Julie's way of communicating. He was used to it by now.

* * *

**A/N: So, the last part of Mommy Issues is complete. **

**A couple of notes I wanted to point out here. First and foremost being that I freaking love, love, loved writing this chapter. It turned out so sweet and so fluffy, and Yoshi is such an adorable little hellion…God. I just want to smoosh him and cuddle him all day long. Yes, I do!**

**Okay, I am going to admit something right now. I am perfectly aware that in the original fic I had Julie climbing up the mast using rope rigging to hoist herself in the air. I understand that she thwarted some of the pirates chasing her with some quick-thinking and her handiwork with said mast. But then I rewatched the old episodes from Season One and realized that Zuko's ship _isn't a friggin' sailboat_. It's a steamboat. It has a helm, not sails or a giant friggin' mast.**

**So, I will have to go back and edit my story to fix this. But for here and now, I am changing it so that Julie risked her life climbing the ladder of the _helm_, not a fictional mast. And here, we see Zuko climbing the same ladder to save Yoshi from certain doom. I'm really hoping his mishap effectively demonstrated that climbing this is just as perilous as it would be to climb a mast.**

**Yeah, I know. It was a really stupid mistake, but I'm going to fix it. Just bear with me for now.**

**Zuko still isn't impressed by Yoshi's cuteness, but at least by now he has come to some sort of acceptance and is willing to tolerate him the best he can. Seeing the eelhound sincerely crying out for his mother reminded him that even if Yoshi is a vengeful monster plotting against them, he's also just a baby. I honestly don't think Zuko could be cold towards a child for very long, for a number of reasons. The fact that he himself was separated from his mother as a child is very high up on the list.**

**Yoshi similarly finds himself unable to hate Zuko once he stops calling him a bad dog. A lot of people have varying opinions about the temperament of animals, but one thing I believe very strongly is that animals (at least, domesticated animals) tend to reflect the environment they are raised in. If you raise a dog to be mean, it'll be mean, damn certain. But if you're kind to it and treat it well, chances are it'll be very affectionate and loving towards people because they can expect to be treated that way in return.**

**Yoshi is the same way. Julie is imprinted on him as his mother, and she's so protective of him, so naturally he loves her to pieces. But Zuko is always yelling at him and threatening him, so it makes just as much sense for him to dislike him for those reasons. Other than that, Yoshi has no personal vendetta against humans. It marks a very important distinction between him and the Unagi part of him, the part of him that absolutely despises humans and their self-serving, destructive ways.**

**Of course, all of that changes once Zuko starts being nicer to him. Deep down, Yoshi really isn't spiteful or capable of holding grudges; mostly because that would require too much concentration, and he has so many things he'd rather be doing…like chasing elephantrats. I think if it weren't for the fact that Zuko is so mean to him every single day, Yoshi wouldn't remember to be mean right back.**

**So, now they're besties…! Yayness!**

**I think my favorite part about writing all of this was the part where Yoshi is despairing over not having a high place for Zuko to fall from while he's sitting on _the top of the friggin' helm_. Does that say something about our favorite baby eelhound? God, he's such a little squish. And I know _I don't actually come out and explain_ how he got out of Zuko's closet, but I figured that once he saved Zuko from plummeting to his death, it would become kind of apparent. Hell, Yoshi himself can't wrap his brain around _how_**** he does things. All he knows is that he looked up and wanted to be up, and then he _was_ up. It doesn't strike him as strange because he doesn't have the attention-span to notice that something is amiss.**

**That is, until he wants to go down. And down looks so scary and so far away that he isn't really sure that he wants to _go _there. So if he got up by teleporting or something, it wasn't about to help him get down because he wasn't _decided_ about it. Being scared makes a hell of a difference.**

**I couldn't resist throwing the Zulie bit at the end, though it wasn't in the original chapter outline. It just kind of turned out that way, which, I guess, means that they're really coming together as a pairing…or I'm just used to throwing them together. Whichever. **

**Poor Zuko just can't catch a break with Julie. Granted, the girl has no idea how she's supposed to feel or act. All she knows is that her baby is lost and could be dead, and that takes most of her focus in this chapter. And gratitude isn't exactly her forte. It shouldn't be surprising that it takes a life-or-death situation to drag a sincere reaction out of her. She tackles Zuko in a hug while berating him for being stupid, and then thanks him from the bottom of her heart…all before calling him a freak of nature and slinking away to sulk below deck.**

**Julie's a strange turtleduck, and Zuko is starting to learn not to let that get to him. Julie is just being her typical tsundere self, and will continue to do so until she learns to be more honest with herself and others about what she's feeling. At least now they won't be fighting over Yoshi so much, though, right?**

**Anyway, guys, this is a lot more than I planned on writing, but I put a lot of effort into it. I really hope you enjoyed what you read, and that you will continue to enjoy the story. The next chapter of The Drifter should be up next weekend, provided I don't have any freak accidents or die horribly…or some twisted combination of the two. **

**Okay, I'm done here. If you liked it, REVIEW!**


	9. The Humbug Named Santa

**A/N: HAPPY HOLIDAYS!**

**Yup, you guys probably saw this coming if you've been keeping up with the mainfic. Presenting the Happy Endings Holiday-Themed Deleted Scene! I know it's after my intended deadline of…well…Christmas. However, I feel I'd be doing worse by not posting the chapter at all. So, better late than never, right?**

**I just hope people bother reading this. **

**IMPORTANT NOTE:**

**This Deleted Scene will occur after Zuko, Julie, and crew return from Jade Valley and are back on the ship. I will try not to give out any spoilers to the future chapters of main-fic, but you guys are probably clever enough to plot-sniff without my help. Regardless, I will be on my best behavior and leave nothing to chance.**

**The Winter Solstice has not occurred yet. I understand that the Winter Solstice, which occurs on December 21st, is before Christmas. I ALSO understand that the Avatar world is unlikely to have Christmas. In fact, they don't. But they have Julie, and because they have Julie they also have the inevitable clashing of cultures that (hopefully) makes this fic more interesting to read. It's obvious they're going to have a very untraditional holiday, and it's highly unlikely that they'll actually celebrate it on December 25th.**

**Besides, I am sticking to my guns and ending Book I with the Winter Solstice episodes. So suck it up and accept that they are having this holiday early.**

**Please also keep in mind that I am attempting to keep this as non-religious as possible. For one thing, I don't want to make anyone uncomfortable reading this, nor do I want to spark some kind of irrelevant religious debate in my review inbox. I see enough of that shit on Facebook to last me a lifetime. I feel people should be able to believe what they choose to believe without other people giving them hell over it. And that is all I will say on the subject. Thank you and good day.**

**Instead of getting religious, this Deleted Scene will focus on the more widespread practices of the holiday season, such as the gift-giving, the goodwill towards your fellow man, the time spent with friends and family, and the general theme of homesickness. I highly recommend listening to "I'll be Home for Christmas" while reading this chapter.**

**And with that said, enjoy the Deleted Scene.**

* * *

**"The Humbug Named Santa"**

Julie found herself glaring up at the ceiling as she watched her breath misting into the air through her nostrils. She looked like an incensed beast waiting to spew fire; anything to get rid of the blasted chill that seemed to creep through every nook and cranny of the ship. To cope, she had on her thickest robe and three blankets on top of her and it still wasn't enough.

There was just no escaping the cold.

"Fuck it," she grumbled under her breath. "I'll just go bother Zuko. Maybe I can poke him until he lights something on fire."

The idea was no less appealing than freezing to death. It was with this in mind that she found the courage to peel herself off of the plush mattress, wrap the fluffy blankets tighter around her, and go off in search of the Fire Prince. Yoshi, who had been napping in a fancy dog bed that was three sizes too small for him, snapped awake as she passed.

_Momma?_

Julie sighed as she noticed the eelhound groggily following her to the door. She could hear his talons clicking against the metal floor and decided she would have to start clipping his nails…tomorrow. Definitely tomorrow.

"You hungry?" she asked.

Yoshi tilted his head. _Yes. For the flesh and blood of my enemies. Rawr._

The redhead stooped down to pat him on the head. In a split second the growing monster clamped his jaws around her blanket and dragged it off her shoulders, wrestling it to the floor. She watched him for a moment before sighing. She decided to let him entertain himself while she went to look for Zuko.

Julie scowled as she passed a window and saw the flurries of snow raining down from the heavens.

"Damn it," she muttered.

They were still docked at the harbor, and she could see some of the children from the colony coming out to play. Some were trying to catch snowflakes on their tongue (even though Julie had tried it many a time in her youth and had only tasted moisture and cold, so she knew there was no point in it). Some of the young Firebenders were practicing by heating the air and melting the flakes before they could hit the ground. It soon became a game to dodge the "rain" before it could touch you.

Julie managed to push open the window, no longer caring about the cold. She wanted to hear the young voices chorusing their delight. The snow-melters pretended to be invading Waterbenders, the other children took up the roles of Fire Nation soldiers, and they had a mock battle in the rising snow banks.

There were goose bumps on Julie's arms, but not from the cold.

_"Come on," _Jessie's voice seemed to echo out of the crowd of children. "_Before it all melts!"_

She had no idea how long she had been standing there watching. But for all she knew she could have been at the window for hours before a hand reached over her shoulder to close it. Julie gave a start, almost swatting Lieutenant Jee across the face in a frantic spasm. She was still jumpy after the incident with the zombies.

"Don't…_do _that," she snapped. "You nearly gave me a heart attack."

He frowned. "It was cold. Aren't you the one constantly complaining that it isn't warm enough in here?" There was a note of wry sarcasm in his voice that wasn't lost on her.

"We can't all be Firebenders, Jee."

"No, I suppose not. It still doesn't explain what you're doing standing here and catching your death in front of an open window."

Julie hugged her arms to her sides, as if suddenly aware of the temperature in the hallway. She didn't dare another peek outside, but the way she kept her gaze fixed on the floor told Jee enough. "You would think Fire Nation children would hate snow…"

The Lieutenant allowed himself a glance outside and saw the youngsters frolicking in the snow, laughter visible on their faces. He raised an eyebrow, immediately sensing the direction her thoughts were going. "Were you expecting them to play in fire places? In coal mines?"

She blushed. "No, but…I just…can't believe anyone would actually like sloshing around in that mushy white cra…err…" she trailed off, noticing Jee's pointed scowl. "…stuff."

He nodded, mollified for the moment. He had recently stopped carrying the swear jar around with him, satisfied that he was finally breaking Julie of the nasty habit once and for all. Certainly, she slipped up here and there, but nothing nearly as bad as he was used to hearing from her. He liked to think it was because he was making a positive impact on her…but occasionally he would notice something in her face that sent off warning bells in his head.

It was the same look he saw on her face now, as she tried very hard not to look back outside. He frowned, wondering if the cold weather was enough to bring her mood down so many notches.

"I take it you don't like snow."

Julie scowled. "It's cold and mushy and…useless. The only thing you can do with it is make snowballs, and most of the time people hide rocks in them." She wrinkled her nose in distaste. "And I was the only one sober enough to handle a snow shovel half the time…so I had to do all the work every time we had a blizzard or something."

Jee stopped to picture that: a small child trying to use a shovel that was too big for her, whimpering from the cold. She probably didn't even have the right clothes for being out in that kind of weather, but of course he wasn't about to ask her. Julie always got a tad defensive about her upbringing and sometimes it was enough to break his heart.

"So children don't play in the snow in…_your _country?"

The girl rolled her eyes at his careful choice in words. "In my _world, _Jee, kids had snowball fights, made crappy little snowmen and snow angels, and got their tongues frozen to stop signs. But it's _stupid_. If they had to do an ounce of work, they wouldn't be so happy about it. Even Jessie used to wish for a stupid snow storm, especially around Christmas."

She winced and broke off abruptly. Jee looked at her, instantly recognizing the name of her best friend from the other world. He also saw lingering pain and an unsettling hardness in her expression. She was trying to turn herself into a statue, mistaking cold indifference for strength.

"You miss her a lot," he said, and it wasn't a question.

Julie winced again. "It's stupid," she muttered again. "Anyway, there's nothing I can do about it anymore. I'm never seeing her again."

The Lieutenant felt a strong urge to put an arm around her shoulders, but refrained. He knew her well enough to know that such an action would be misinterpreted as an expression of pity rather than one of sympathy. It wasn't a secret, either, that Julie had this bizarre obsession with inner strength…and a deep fear of weakness.

Instead of trying to comfort her directly, he decided that it would be best to change the subject…for now.

"So, what is this Christmas thing you mentioned earlier?" he asked, trying to sound curious. "And why do you need snow for it?"

Julie's expression turned even darker. "It's a holiday," she grumbled. "A stupid one where you spend time with your friends and family, give each other presents, get _drunk_…" anger burned in her voice. "The snow doesn't do anything except make people appreciate a warm and cozy fire."

Jee nodded, understanding immediately why she had such a strong hatred for such an occasion. But something also nagged at him about what she said. His brow furrowed in confusion.

"If this holiday is so awful, why would your friend look forward to it so badly?"

The redhead's tone went instantly flat and dryer than the Si Wong Desert. "Because of _Santa_."

The Lieutenant raised an eyebrow, waiting for her to explain. Julie sighed in frustration, clearly not in the mood to divulge in the lore of her people. But then, when was she _ever _in the right mood?

"He's a jolly, fat, old man who lives up at the North Pole," she explained. "Allegedly he has a whole team of magical little elves who make toys for all the children who were good that year. And on the night before Christmas, he goes into every home and leaves them presents under the tree…"

"_Tree?"_

"Um…you're supposed to chop down a tree and put it up in your living room or something." She flushed a little bit as she saw the blatant incredulity on Jee's face, as though he couldn't believe such a crazy tradition actually existed. But she forced herself to continue. "And he leaves the gifts under it and some little things in your stocking…"

"Wait, wait…what's this about a stocking?"

Julie looked annoyed. "It's a thing! You hang a freaking stocking over the fireplace, and he comes down the chimney and puts toys and candy in it! And he puts the bigger gifts under the damn tree! And then when you wake up on Christmas morning, you're supposed to run downstairs and be excited that Santa remembered you and gave you what you wanted…and ate the food you left him."

It was at that moment that another voice interjected into the conversation.

"So, what you're saying is that children in your world wait for some fat old man to _break _into their houses climb down the chimney, _eat their food_, and then leave questionable items in a sock hanging over the fire and…under trees they chopped down and dragged into their houses?"

Julie turned and saw Zuko standing there, looking at her like she was insane. She glared at him. "Didn't anyone ever tell you it's _rude _to eavesdrop? Jerk."

The Fire Prince gave her a look. "It's not eavesdropping if you're having this conversation in broad daylight in the hallway on the way to my room…crazy girl. Anyway, you can't blame me. This holiday sounds absolutely insane."

"It's not insane, it's a tradition."

"It's a _tradition _to encourage some stranger to just break in and…"

"He's leaving _gifts, _you idiot! He's not there to steal the freaking silverware!"

"No," Zuko replied, nodding sarcastically. "Just your food."

Julie looked like she wanted to punch him in the face. "You're _supposed _to leave him food! Like cookies or something…and maybe a carrot for the reindeer—shut up!" she blurted suddenly, seeing the scarred teen preparing to pounce on that tidbit of information. "Yes, he has reindeer! They pull the damn sleigh he flies around in and…and…oh, fuck it. He's not real! Okay? He's just a made-up character in a story!"

And then she huffed, folding her arms and glaring at the floor. Zuko and Jee blinked at her in understandable confusion.

"But wouldn't kids just figure that out once they don't find any presents under the…um…_tree?"_ the Lieutenant asked delicately. "They'd know he wasn't real, right?"

Julie winced. "Your parents are supposed to do that. They wait for you to fall asleep and they put stuff under the tree, and then they pretend that Santa brought it." Her expression turned a little sad for a moment before hardening again. "Any idiot can figure out he's not real, okay? I mean, I did when I never got anything…I mean, it's not like we put up a tree or anything, but still."

Jee looked sympathetic while Zuko just looked extremely muddled and perplexed. He still couldn't figure out what the big deal was about _not _getting your house broken into by a complete stranger. But then, stranger danger was practically beaten into your head when you were a member of the royal family.

"You never got any presents?" the Lieutenant muttered. "Your father never…" he trailed off at the glare Julie shot him. "No, of course not…I understand. That…must have been upsetting."

She just shrugged. "I don't need gifts. I mean, maybe other kids did. They make a big deal out of it, showing off their toys and other useless crap…but come on. They didn't _deserve _any of the things they got. They didn't _earn _it. Half of them were miserable little shits who liked to make my life hell…and you're trying to tell me that _Santa _thought they deserved bicycles and stereos and action figures?"

Zuko suddenly understood what Julie was driving at. She didn't say it, but it was clear in her tone that it hurt being the only child left out of a holiday…year after year. She must have felt terrible watching other kids playing with their gifts and having nothing of her own.

"Jessie was the only one who ever got me a gift," she added suddenly. "And most of the time I didn't have enough money to get her anything, so I felt kind of bad about it. She didn't care, though…but she always got upset that Santa never had anything for me. She tried writing him letters every year, and then when they still went unanswered she decided that she didn't want to believe in the old fart anymore. And good riddance, if you ask me…it's such a stupid holiday."

Jee put a hand on her shoulder. "I agree," he said firmly. "It's _very _stupid…and we don't need to talk about it anymore. It doesn't do any good to brood on bad memories."

Zuko realized that this was the wrong thing to say. Yes, she obviously didn't want to talk about it anymore, but she didn't like him using that as an excuse to coddle her, either. Julie looked frustrated and embarrassed, but chose not to comment on it. She practically had to bite her tongue to keep her anger back.

"Yeah, well…whatever," she said in a low voice. "It wasn't _all _bad. Sometimes I could get my hands on enough cash to get her a gift, and it seemed to make her happy. That part was okay, I guess." She shook her head and changed the subject. "Are we leaving port anytime soon?"

"Not until tomorrow," Jee answered. "We're still making repairs on the ship…why?"

Julie shrugged, trying and failing to appear innocent. Zuko knew immediately that she was up to something again. He barely stopped himself from rolling his eyes heavenward. Only _this girl _courted trouble so persistently, the way she was so pig-headedly stubborn.

"I kind of wanted to do some shopping," she said slowly. "Maybe get myself a new sword…"

Jee cut in immediately. "You're not buying _weapons_."

"Aw, come on! It's bad enough I had such a crappy childhood. Why is it so wrong for me to be happy?"

His eyes narrowed into slits. "Nice try. I don't feel _that _sorry for you, you little sneak. Besides, the last thing we need is for any of your suitors to find out that you like to collect weapons."

Like magic, Zuko automatically tensed up at the mention of those insufferable morons his Lieutenant continued to let on his ship for the sole purpose of courting Julie. He would gladly have thrown them all overboard if there wasn't the chance people would start spreading rumors…specifically, rumors about his _unusual _relationship with her.

At this point, it was hardly a secret how they felt about each other, he and Julie. But if he couldn't keep his feelings under lock and key, her reputation would be ruined, her honor permanently and irredeemably tainted. So he tolerated the suitors the best he could…by ignoring them.

It wasn't working _that _well, but at least he hadn't set anyone on fire…_yet_.

"What do you mean?" Julie demanded, right on cue. "I don't need any of _their _permission to spend my money. They can go fuck themselves."

Jee glared at her. "Language."

"They can _royally _go fuck themselves with a rusty corkscrew!"

"Young lady! Don't make me get the Spirits'-damned swear jar, or so help me…!"

Her face flushed angrily. "Give me one reason why I shouldn't! What business is it of theirs what I spend with _my _money? They're all a bunch of freaks anyway…!"

Jee pursed his lips. "You think they're weird now, wait until it gets out that you play with weapons. You'll be getting all kinds of sick-o's who will expect you to _demonstrate _in the bedroom." He paused, letting that unsavory information sink in. "Do I make myself clear?"

Julie opened her mouth, then shut it again. She had no response but to gape like a fish out of water. Zuko, on the other hand, had nearly swallowed his own tongue.

Jee decided he had made his point. "I'm just trying to look out for you, you know. I wish you wouldn't make things so difficult. It's not like I think you can't _handle _a weapon…or that there's no need for you to use one. Obviously that's not the case."

She glared at the floor for a thoughtful moment before she huffed in resignation. "Fine. I guess I'll just find something _feminine_ to spend my money on." Jee and Zuko could hear her voice crawling around the word, feminine. "Right…so I guess I'll be going. I'll see you guys before curfew."

She moved to leave, but the Lieutenant cleared his throat. He wasn't stupid.

"Julie," he said in a no-nonsense tone of voice that made her freeze. "Shen-Long and Bo-Fen will be accompanying you off the ship."

The redhead stiffened. "I don't need babysitting," she snapped.

Yeah. _Sure, _she didn't. And Zuko didn't need to capture the Avatar and regain his honor. _Right_.

* * *

It was no surprise that Julie was in an even worse mood during the supply run than she had been all morning. Shen-Long and Bo-Fen were both considerate enough to give her a wide berth—that is to say, wide enough to give the illusion that they trusted her judgment without giving her _too _much lee way for her to slip off on her own. They had learned their lesson from the Zombie Incident, as they had decided to call it.

For what it was worth, though, Julie was trying not to cause any trouble. For once she refrained from lingering near the weapon stalls and instead went to browse a leather-goods shop. And before either of them could get any funny ideas about the nature of said shop, there was a sign advertising a discount on leather-made saddles (which Shen-Long pointed out to Julie, since she couldn't actually _read _the sign).

"You think this will fit on Yoshi?" she asked him casually.

Her voice poorly masked the blatant tension in her body language, and the soldier didn't question its source. He knew it had everything to do with what had happened back at Ginseng Village, and as he was loathe mention it he simply let the matter drop.

"Eelhounds can carry up to three fully-grown men on their backs," he answered quietly. "That saddle might fit a pony…but Yoshi is going to outgrow it eventually."

Julie frowned. "He's getting so big, though. And he eats like a horse!"

Bo-Fen looked at her. "More of those weird-ass animals from your world, huh? What the hell would _just _a horse look like, anyway?"

The redhead shrugged. "Like a horse…obviously." She considered the saddle for a few moments before sighing and reaching for her money pouch. "He'll have some time to grow into it, I guess. He's not big enough to ride, yet…but Iroh says that he'll need a saddle."

The conversation died after that as Julie made her purchase. As they were leaving the shop, her eyes happened to drift across the street to the comely flower shop. She frowned, mouth pursed in deep contemplation.

"You think they sell trees, there?" she asked.

"Trees?" Shen-Long repeated strangely. "What do you need a tree for?"

"Um…well…I was just wondering. No reason, really."

The siblings eyed her for a minute, trying to figure out some notorious ulterior motive for her wanting a tree. But it was such a bizarre request that they simply looked at each other and shrugged hopelessly. "They might have trees," Bo-Fen told her. "Small ones, though."

Julie nodded again.

"I think I'm going to have a quick look. I mean…just to look. Nothing else."

The two watched her walk into the shop with raised eyebrows. This was definitely a first.

* * *

"I can't believe I'm actually doing this."

Julie had locked herself in her room the moment she had gotten back to the ship. In front of her was the saddest, most pathetic little pine tree in the whole world. It made Charlie Brown's tree look like a freaking giant.

She considered the tree for a moment, holding a small paper lantern in her hands. None of the shops in the area sold ornaments, obviously, so she had to make do with what she could find. And that meant cheap decorations for some upcoming event called the Fire Festival, which wasn't for another three weeks. Each lantern was just big enough to hold a tiny candle inside.

"This is the dumbest idea I've had in…forever," she muttered to herself.

It felt like the truth. After all, who else was going to see this tree but her? And she herself didn't even know why she _had _to have a tree. But she couldn't stop thinking about Jessie all afternoon, and that thought nagged at her until she went and paid for the only damn tree the florist had in stock. Even now it was bothering her.

"Maybe I'll feel better once I've decorated it," she decided.

Yoshi barked an agreement. _I like the green stick-thing, momma! Can I eat it?_

Julie looked down at her puppy. "What? You want to help, baby?"

_Woof! _said the eelhound.

"I'll take that as a yes," she said, a rare smile crossing her face. "See, first we're going to light these lanterns, and then we're going to hang them on the branches. It'll be pretty."

Yoshi tilted his head to the side, as though he were hanging on to her every word. His tongue was hanging out in a lopsided grin that made it impossible for Julie _not _to feel better. Deciding that she had the eelhound's approval, at least, she turned back to the table, got the first candle and held the wick up against the lantern until it caught fire.

Within ten minutes she had all the little baubles lit and was busy tying them to the tree with twine. She bit her lip in concentration, being careful not to drop any of them. The last thing she wanted was to start a fire. She would never hear the end of it, then.

Finally, Julie stepped back, smiling in satisfaction. "There," she said to herself. "Done. Now I can get on with my life." She looked down at Yoshi. "What do you think?"

_It's glowing at me, _the eelhound replied in awe. _The green stick-things don't glow. It is abnormal! I should kill it before it tries to eat momma! _

He started growling at the tree under his breath, treating it like a very hostile enemy. But before he could so much as lunge for the offending piece of shrubbery, Julie knelt down in between him and the tree and started fumbling with a sack. The sack made a rustling noise as it moved that distracted Yoshi, and made him forget all about the evil glowing tree of DOOM.

But just for a moment, because he was a _good _dog.

"I got you something to wear while I'm in this ridiculous festive spirit…" she explained as she continued searching the almost-empty bag. "Here it is."

She pulled out a large red ribbon that was made of some kind of reflective fabric. Perhaps sensing that this might not end well, she quickly tied it around Yoshi's neck, or tried to. The moment the soft fabric touched his scales the eelhound started _screaming _as though she had lit him on fire. Actually _screamed_.

_Nooooooo…! It's gonna eat me! Get it off!_

"It's a ribbon," she explained, while struggling to keep her puppy still. "It's just a ribbon, Yoshi! Quit struggling already!"

_It's too shiny! Shiny is evil, just like the tree! I have to kill the shiny things until they are NOT shiny anymore! RAWR!_

He snapped at the edge of the bow with his teeth, bucked and struggled to get away. Julie was thrown off of him as though she weighed no more than a rag-doll, and the sack went flying out of her hands. From her position on the floor, sprawled on her back, she watched as the bag fell in slow motion to knock into one of the lanterns on the tree.

_Maybe it isn't flammable, _she hoped.

But hope was for _fools_. The moment the sack touched the tree, it was instantly set ablaze, along with the rest of the sad little branches. Julie's eyes widened as smoke started filling the room.

"Oh…fuck me."

Yoshi was barking his head off at the flaming plant. Eventually, Julie's brain switched back on as she lunged for his collar, grabbing a hold of him before he could throw himself to attack the fire. She gritted her teeth as beads of sweat started to break out on her forehead, but she managed to drag him to the other end of the room, fumble for the doorknob, and push the door open.

They spilled out into the hallway, Yoshi still barking and snarling. Smoke started pouring out into the corridor. Julie started coughing, her eyes stinging from the acrid fumes of the burning branches when someone finally heard all the commotion and came to investigate.

Of course it had to be Zuko.

"What the…?!" The Fire Prince did a double-take, seeing Julie dazed on the ground, barely clinging to her enraged eelhound, who was frantically trying to escape her grip so he could run back into the smoke-filled bedroom. He took one look at the flaming tree and did a mental face-palm. "I can't leave you alone for five minutes!"

Julie winced. "Just…just fix it, will you?"

Zuko gave her a look before stalking into the room, the collar of his shirt pulled up over his face so he wouldn't breathe in any smoke. With a fluid motion of his wrists, he extinguished the flames instantly.

By then, the others had showed up, along with about half of the crew. Cursing under his breath, Zuko reached down and grabbed the senseless redhead from underneath her armpits and hauled her to her feet, catching her when her knees buckled. She must have inhaled a lot of smoke because she was coughing up a lung.

"Back to your posts," Zuko snarled at the curious onlookers. "The last person to leave gets latrine duty for the next two weeks!"

After that threat, the crowd practically evaporated on the spot. The only ones left were his Uncle and his Lieutenant. Shen-Long and Bo-Fen were just arriving as the last of the spectators were leaving. They cringed simultaneously as Jee produced the cause of the fire…the charred and blackened stump of a tree.

"What the hell were you thinking?" Zuko snapped. "Who said you could light _fires _in your bedroom? You could have gotten yourself killed!"

Julie made a face. "I…I wasn't trying…to light a fire…" she said in a raspy voice. "I was just…decorating…"

"Decorating? More like incinerating," Bo-Fen muttered under her breath. "I didn't think it was possible for that tree to look worse now than it did in the shop."

Jee looked from the shame-faced Shen-Long to his miffed sister, then stared at what was left of the poor tree in question. Suspicion prickled at him as he remembered their conversation from earlier that day. He turned to Julie. "This wouldn't be a _Christmas _tree, by any chance…would it?"

The redhead turned crimson. "It's…_none _of your business."

Zuko looked exasperated. "Not this Christmas thing again. Seriously, it's that important to you that you'd risk your life to celebrate it? I thought you _hated _the stupid holiday."

Iroh looked curious. "A holiday? What holiday is this? If I had known there was a holiday, I'd have had the cook get a fresh roast duck for the occasion."

Julie looked extremely put-out, now. She folded her arms and avoided everyone's stares, feeling absolutely embarrassed and disappointed in how things had turned out. This wasn't supposed to have happened. She was supposed to just get the stupid tree, put a few stupid decorations on it, and keep it until this stupid, homesick feeling went away.

But instead, like everything else in her life, it had all gone up in flames. Literally.

"I _do _hate Christmas," she said slowly, trying not to blink back tears. "But…dammit, I'm not doing it for _me_. I'm doing it for Jessie. She wouldn't _want _me to miss Christmas…"

No one really knew what to say to this.

"I didn't mean for the tree to catch fire, I just…I thought it would make her happy. Even if she'd never know, I would feel like crap if I didn't at least put up a tree."

Zuko looked at his uncle and the older man nodded in silent communication. The way they spoke with their eyes indicated a deep level of understanding that did not go unnoticed by the others present. However, this understanding didn't stop the Fire Prince from sighing to himself, as though trying to summon his patience.

"Look," he said slowly. "If we do this Christmas thing…will you stop lighting fires in your room?"

Julie looked at him. "You…you would do that…for me?"

Zuko turned a little red around the ears. "As long as it doesn't get in the way of me hunting the Avatar, then I could care less…okay? So stop crying, already."

This got an immediate reaction out of the redhead. She stood up to her full height, a very, very menacing five feet, four inches. "I am _not _crying!" she said with as much indignation as she could muster at the moment.

But the scarred teen held up a hand. "Skip it. What do you need for this Christmas thing?"

Julie frowned. She looked at the others. "This is really okay with everyone?"

"Hon'," Bo-Fen spoke up. "If it weren't okay, we wouldn't be offering. Just hurry up and answer the prince before he changes his mind."

"What Bo-Fen means to say," Shen-Long interjected suddenly, putting a hand on Julie's shoulder. "…is that…well…as long as it makes you happy, we'll be happy to celebrate your holiday. Within reason, of course."

The redhead grew awkward and dropped her gaze to her shoes. "I already told you…it doesn't matter to me. I'm not doing it for me."

But this was such a lie that no one bothered to call her out on it. It took her a minute to get over her shyness as she cleared her throats more times than was necessary. She looked uncertainly up at Zuko, trying to think of the most painless way to observe the Christmas season.

"Um…well…" she said slowly. "We don't have to go crazy or anything. Maybe just something like a Secret Santa will do it."

"A what and a what now?" said Bo-Fen.

"Secret Santa." Quickly, she launched into an explanation of who Santa was for those who hadn't already had a lesson in Christmas lore that morning. The siblings looked as skeptical as Zuko and Jee had during their lecture, but Iroh was absolutely fascinated by the mysterious being known as Santa.

"He sounds very much like the Holly King," he told her. "He is a spirit that acts very similarly to your Santa-fellow. And he often appears as a jolly old man."

"Really?" Julie said in surprise. "But…you guys don't celebrate a holiday for him…do you?"

Jee spoke up now. "Not Fire Nation children, no. We _do_ have the Fire Festivals after the Winter Solstice. The fires are to ward off the evil spirits that come to try to steal babies and eat naughty children during the night. You wear masks to trick them into thinking you're a spirit, too…but it's mostly just the stuff of legends. Nothing to really be afraid of."

"Sounds more like Halloween than Christmas, to me," the girl replied. "On Halloween night, kids dress up in costumes and go door to door to demand candy from strangers…"

Zuko face-palmed. "I'm starting to notice an alarming trend to your holidays…especially the part where you encourage your children to accept things from strangers."

"Oh, shut-up."

"So, getting back on topic," said Shen-Long pointedly. "What exactly is a _Secret _Santa?"

Julie blinked. "Oh, that. Well, basically you write your name down on a slip of paper and put it in a hat. Everyone draws a name from the hat, and whatever name you get is the person you have to give a gift to. But it's supposed to be a secret. You're not supposed to give it to them until Christmas morning…in person."

"And that would be?"

"December twenty-fifth," she replied.

"Oh, hell no," Zuko growled. "We're not waiting two weeks to celebrate this holiday." He paused to think up a solution that would cause him the least amount of delay on his Avatar hunt. "We're going to be in harbor until tomorrow afternoon. So we can do the gift-shopping in the morning, and give our gifts tomorrow night and be done with it. Okay?"

Julie shrugged. "Suits me. I'd rather get this out of my system sooner rather than later."

He nodded. "Good. Now let's draw names…before I come to my senses and cancel this whole thing."

Everyone muttered their agreement. A hat was quickly brought forth and the names were dropped inside. Julie pretended to rustle the papers around to ensure the others that the drawings were completely random. She pulled out a slip of paper before handing the hat to the others.

"Go on," she said. "Pick."

Zuko drew first. He scowled down at the name staring back at him. _Jee_. Dammit.

"Can I draw again?" Shen-Long asked suddenly, holding up his slip of paper like a dead fish.

"No back-sies," Julie replied sharply. "It's the rules." She was holding her own slip of paper close to her chest, like a delicate flower-bud. "So, suck it up. It's just once a year."

The soldier sighed. "All right…if you insist." But he shot Zuko an irritated look that immediately made him suspicious.

Bo-Fen smirked down at the name on her piece of paper. "Well, now…this will do nicely." She looked over at Julie, as though considering her. "Hmmm…" She dropped her gaze back to the piece of paper in her hands, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. "I wonder what I'm going to get for…_this _person."

"Oh, just say it. You got Julie's name out of the hat, didn't you?"

"Now, Shen," the female soldier said in a mockingly stern tone of voice. "It's supposed to be a _Secret _Santa, remember?"

Her brother gave her a flat look. "Trade with me. Right now."

She raised an eyebrow. "And why would I do that?"

He kneaded his forehead in frustration. "You _know _why. You're my sister. And I can't buy a gift for…_him_."

Bo-Fen glanced down at the slip in Shen-Long's hand and barely suppressed a bark of laughter. This made Zuko narrow his good eye angrily at them. He had a nasty feeling that it was his own name written down on that piece of scrap paper; but as he couldn't prove it, yet, he just settled for giving them looks.

Julie looked annoyed. "Guys, quit it. This is supposed to be a nice gesture. Don't bring personal grudges into this, or I'm going to get pissed off!"

"You're always pissed off," Zuko commented. He looked at her curiously. "Whose name did _you _get?"

She scowled. "I'm not telling you."

"Well, excuse me for asking."

Meanwhile, Jee was very deep in thought. "Well, at least he's easy to shop for," he muttered. "I know just the thing." He looked up at the others, and his gaze rested on the bickering siblings. Shen-Long was trying to pry a slip of paper out of Bo-Fen's hand, and she was calmly holding him back with just a finger. "Hey!" he barked. "Cut it out. This is supposed to be a nice holiday for Julie. I don't want to see you fighting!"

Grudgingly, they ceased hostilities. "Yes, Sir," they said in unison.

He nodded. "Right. Well, it's pretty late. Julie, you'd better get to bed. I have some things to discuss with General Iroh before I turn in for the night."

She caught the drift. "I've got some pre-Christmas contemplation to do, anyway. Um…" she looked a little awkward. "Thanks…"

Before anyone could say anything else, she ducked back into her room like a startled lamb-fawn. Yoshi was following her inside, but the door snapped shut in his face before he could cross the threshold. The eelhound whined, pawing at the door and scratching it with his talons.

_Momma…_

There was a sigh from behind the door. Zuko watched as it open just wide enough for the eelhound pup to slip inside. Once his tail had disappeared into the room, it was shut and double-bolted. He heard the lock scraping into place and winced.

"I guess I'll go to bed, too," he said.

Since no one gave him any alternatives, the Fire Prince pocketed the slip of paper with Jee's name on it and stalked past Shen-Long and Bo-Fen towards the end of the hallway, where his own room was. But he hadn't quite gotten out of earshot when he heard the soldier complaining again.

"Seriously…what the hell am I supposed to get this guy?"

"I'm sure you'll think of something," Bo-Fen replied in a tone that said she had no interest in trading.

But Shen-Long wasn't comforted. And for that matter, neither was Zuko.

_It doesn't matter, _he told himself as he threw open the door to his room and shut it behind him. He breathed a sigh of relief as the sound of all conversation was snuffed out like a candle. The worst part of this whole mess was that he wasn't even sure it would be worth the aggravation. Julie seemed about as enthusiastic about the holiday as he was…which was, to say the least, not saying much.

The crazy girl acted as if she had no choice but to buy a tree and light it on fire. He frowned as he pulled off the rest of his armor and left it on the floor (he wasn't in the habit of picking up after himself). He kept turning the puzzling matter over in his head until he was dressed in nothing but a pair of comfortable sparring pants; but he hadn't made any headway by the time he climbed into his bed and dimmed the lights with his Firebending.

_Maybe she's just homesick, _he considered as he rolled over on to his stomach, his most comfortable sleeping position. _Maybe the stupid tree made her think of home…_

A sigh passed Zuko's lips. Maybe he could stand this crazy little peasant holiday…just this once. Decision made, he closed his eyes and attempted to clear his thoughts so sleep could claim him.

But sleep never came. Instead, a mysterious voice spoke out of the darkness.

"_Scroooooooge!"_

Zuko's eyes snapped open. "Who's there?"

"_Scrooooooooge! Ebenezer Scrooooooooooge!" _a melancholy figure wrapped in chains appeared, floating at the foot of his bed. Cripes…another spirit. "_It is meeeeeeee, Jacob Marleeeeeey! Your old business partner, wooooooooooooo…!"_

He scowled. He was _so _not in the mood for this crap.

"Get out of my room."

"_Scrooooooooge!_" Marley continued, as if he didn't hear him. "_You will be visited by threeeeeee spirits! They are here to help you, Scroooooooooge! So you don't end up like meeeeeeee!"_

Okay, seriously. This was getting ridiculous.

"I'm not this…Scrooge, person," Zuko told the ghost. "Um…I think you have the wrong house…I mean, ship. I'm Prince Zuko…of the Fire Nation?"

That seemed to stop Marley in his tracks. "_Not Scrooge? Are you sure?_"

He hesitated. "Pretty sure."

Jacob Marley cursed under his breath. "_Dammit…I was sure I had the right address. I knew I shouldn't have taken that map from the one-eyed squirrel-monkey. He said plain as day, first star on the right, straight on until morning!_"

Zuko wasn't sure what to say. "Um…yeah. So, you're leaving, right?"

"_Yes, yes…I can't sit around here all night. I have to warn an old colleague of mine to stop being a miserable hoarder and to accept the spirit of Christmas in his heart…you know, lest he walk the earth for the rest of eternity, weighed down by chains of his greed, steeped in misery and loneliness._"

"That can happen?"

"_Oh, yes. Happens all the time. In fact, it happened to me. Oh, I was such a miserable old asshole back in my day. It would be a cold day in hell before I gave my employees a Christmas bonus with their pay-stubs. Usually they just got pink slips instead," _he said, laughing in glee. "_I even kicked puppies. And, well…you can see how I ended up. Anyway,_" the ghost added, rattling his chains as he opened up a little rift that would take him back to the Spirit World. "_Have a Merry Christmas, lad. And God bless us, everyone!"_

With that said, he went screaming into the portal, leaving only the echoing sound of his rattling chains to signal his departure. The Fire Prince rubbed his eyes for a few moments, decided that what he had seen hadn't been an illusion, and slid back under the covers.

Zuko was alarmed and deeply perturbed by what he had just discovered. He thought this Christmas thing was just a silly tradition…but obviously there was a crap-ton of things Julie never bothered to mention to him…namely, the part about being haunted by spirits and how you get _cursed _if you don't…what was it again? Oh, yes…accept the spirit of Christmas in your heart.

He was going to give her hell when he saw her at breakfast come morning. But in the meantime, what in the name of Agni was he going to get for Jee so that he didn't get his ass _cursed_?

* * *

The day passed quickly for everyone involved in the Christmas festivities. Iroh had taken it upon himself to purchase a few ducks from the butcher and ordered the cook to prepare them as a Christmas feast. Zuko tolerated this, for he knew his uncle loved roast duck almost as much as he loved tea. It was his all-time favorite meal, and who was he to stand in the way of that?

He had been more preoccupied with the task of finding a gift to give Jee. It was surprisingly difficult.

He had already tried what Shen-Long had failed to do, which was to buy the slip of paper with Julie's name on it from Bo-Fen. Besides the obvious reason as to why he wanted it, he figured she'd be the easiest to shop for (except his uncle). But Jee had apparently already purchased something for Iroh, as he had been the one to draw his name from the hat; and this left him back at square one.

Absolutely flummoxed, Zuko had no idea what to get for his own Lieutenant, and Julie absolutely refused to trade with him. In fact, she flat out told him that if he traded with anyone it would _ruin Christmas forever_, and he was worried the creepy Jacob Marley would come back and drag him into the Spirit World as punishment. So he decided that he would have to do this Christmas thing on the sly.

In a temporary fit of insanity, he had tried bargaining with Bo-Fen…something he should have known better than to attempt. But, again, he was pleading insanity.

"Sure, Sir," she replied, amiably enough. "I can trade names with you…for the right price."

About fifty gold pieces later, Zuko had a slip of paper with Julie's name written on it, feeling pretty clever until he bumped into Shen-Long. They both ended up dropping their slips of paper and almost knocked their heads as they ducked down to snatch them before they could be lost.

"Watch it," Zuko growled, snatching a slip of paper at random. He saw quickly that Julie's name was on it and relaxed. "You almost made me lose my—"

"That's mine," Shen-Long snapped, plucking it out of his hand. "This one is…" he frowned, staring at the other slip of paper on the ground. He picked it up and held it up to the light, comparing it with the other one. He closed his eyes and sighed. "You bought this from Bo-Fen, didn't you?"

The Fire Prince shuffled uncomfortably. "Yeah," he said defiantly. "What business is it of yours?"

Wordlessly, he handed him the two slips of paper. They both had Julie's name on it.

"We've been duped," Shen-Long told him. "I bought a slip of paper from my sister this morning, too."

Zuko felt a prickle of anger…and shame. He remembered, belatedly, that Julie couldn't write her name in any language _they _could read. Which meant that she…wait a minute!

"Did Julie put her name in the hat?" he asked.

Shen-Long frowned. "I saw her take a piece of paper, but...wait, she had to have. There were six slips of paper in the hat, remember?"

Zuko sighed heavily. "Yeah, but Julie was the one holding the hat. And she drew first. I bet you anything she took her own name out before anyone could draw it."

The soldier scoffed. "That's crazy. Why would she do that? It would defeat the purpose of the holiday, wouldn't it?"

He just shrugged, not telling him what he was really thinking. Actually, the longer he thought about it, the more and more likely it seemed that this was _exactly _what Julie had done. She hated getting gifts from people, after all…hated being in debt. Zuko realized that it made perfect sense for Julie to do something like this.

Well, he wasn't going to just let the crazy little peasant have her way. Dammit, she was making him do this Christmas thing…the least she could do was follow the rules so that they wouldn't be cursed by the Spirit of Christmas for all of eternity, like poor Jacob Marley and this Scrooge person.

Anyway, there wasn't a rule that said that he could only get Jee a gift, right?

Right?

* * *

Julie blinked in confusion at the new tree set up in Zuko's dining area. There were ribbons tied to the branches, and lanterns were hung from the ceiling rather than from the tree itself…so whoever had done the decorating must have been thinking ahead.

"Do you like it?" Iroh asked, setting a pot of tea on the table. "I thought that we should have a tree since you went through so much trouble for the first one."

The redhead just nodded, unable to speak. The former general seemed to understand the unusual veil of silence that hovered around her. She had kept to herself for most of the day, except for when she went back into town to get her present.

"I invited Shen-Long and Bo-Fen to join us, as well as Lieutenant Jee," Iroh continued. "So we can all have dinner together before exchanging gifts."

This got a response from her. "Okay," she said in a small, unsure voice.

This made the older man frown in concern. "You do not seem very excited. Is there something the matter?"

Julie winced. "It's nothing, just…you know…stupid stuff. I'm glad everyone's having fun…they deserve to. But I just keep thinking that this is going to be my first Christmas alone. I mean, not _alone, _but…without Jessie…being obnoxiously cheery and feeding me sugar cookies and crap."

Iroh nodded. "It must be hard to be away from someone you care about…but you are not alone. Everyone is looking forward to spending the holiday with you. Surely that is something to smile about."

The corners of her mouth twitched unconvincingly. "Yeah," she agreed. "That's true…" Her eyes were a little glassy as she attempted to smile again, with disastrous results. "But this is the first Christmas _she'll _be alone…well, I mean to say…without me. She's going to be really sad about it. It might even ruin everything for her."

Her voice cracked.

Iroh was already pouring the steaming beverage into two cups. "I am certain that she does miss you as much as you miss her. You two were obviously quite close...and it is natural to grieve for a lost loved-one." He handed her a cup of tea, which she accepted wordlessly as she took her place at the table. "However, when you love someone and are loved in return, that love doesn't leave you. It stays with you no matter how much time passes…no matter how much distance lies between you. If you keep the love in your heart, it will keep you warm…like a cup of tea on a cold day."

Julie dropped the smile. "It's not enough."

Iroh met her gaze. "I know," he said simply. "You are not the only one to have lost someone precious to you, you know."

There was a very troubled silence that was mercifully broken as Zuko entered the room.

"Uncle, have you seen my…" he stopped short, startled to find Julie already there. "Oh, um…hi."

Julie didn't respond. She took a sip of her tea so she could have an excuse to ignore him. The Fire Prince felt very awkward, realizing that he had just walked in on something…well…personal. "Was I interrupting something?"

"Not at all, nephew. What are you looking for?"

"What? Oh, um…never mind. It's not important." He frowned at Julie some more, taking note of her flushed face and glassy eyes. He took the seat next to her and continued staring. "Why do you look like you just choked on a dirty sock?"

The redhead glared at him. "Fuck off. I'm not in the mood."

Zuko shook his head. "Fine. Don't tell me. The food is almost ready, anyway." He looked at Iroh sharply. "Are the others coming or not?"

"They should be here any—ah, here, they are now."

Lieutenant Jee walked smartly into the room, gave a quick bow to Iroh and a reluctant nod of the head in Zuko's direction (this made the Fire Prince scowl in annoyance), and went to sit in the chair directly opposite from Julie, next to where Iroh was sitting. The two remaining chairs were filled up by Shen-Long and Bo-Fen just as the cook was bringing in the roast ducks.

"Happy Christmas, everyone," said Iroh cheerfully. "I hope you enjoy the meal."

"It's Merry Christmas," said Zuko dryly, something that made Julie look at him with a start. "What?"

"How do you know that?"

He gave her a stern look. "A _spirit _told me. How do you think?"

Julie sniffed. "If you're going to be sarcastic, then don't bother answering the question…jerk-face."

"I wasn't being…oh, never mind."

Quick work was made of the roast ducks, and soon there was nothing left of the cooked poultry than a few scraps and the bones. Everyone was making polite conversation in between bites, but for the most part it was a subdued celebration. Julie was looking a little nervous as she played with her bok-choy salad, something that immediately caught Zuko's attention. She was practically radiating guilt, and that had him watching her like a hawk.

_I knew she was up to something, _he thought, remembering his suspicions about her withholding her own name from the Secret Santa hat. _I wonder what it is…_

"Um…if everyone's finished," she said suddenly when the plates had been cleared. "I think we should…um…hand out the gifts and stuff. You know, and then maybe we can do dessert."

Jee smiled. "A fine idea. So…who goes first?"

Iroh looked around the table before volunteering. "Perhaps I should break the ice, as they say." He ducked under the table and pulled out a gift-wrapped parcel, which he handed over to Shen-Long. "_Merry _Christmas, Shen-Long."

A curious frown flickered across the soldier's face as he accepted the gift. "Sir…I don't know what to say. This is an honor, certainly…getting a gift from the Dragon of the West, and all…"

"It is no trouble. Open it."

Shen-Long fumbled with the wrapping paper before exhaling in surprise and delight. "Is this…my very own pipa?" He handled the stringed instrument with care, admiring the craftsmanship. "This is…impressive! Thank you!"

Iroh chuckled. "I thought that this way you do not have to keep borrowing Lieutenant Jee's instrument during music night."

"It was extremely thoughtful of you, Sir. Really, I'm…speechless…"

Zuko raised an eyebrow at the gift. What was his uncle thinking, getting that wretched colonist such a nice present like that? Didn't the man have an ounce of loyalty towards his own nephew? But then he met Iroh's gaze across the table and saw him wink.

Well…this was odd.

"Perhaps you would like to go next, Shen-Long," Iroh suggested. The reaction was instantaneous…like dunking ice water over the soldier's head. The young man looked guilt-ridden and panic-striken.

"My gift?" he said dumbly. "Oh, right, I…" he cleared his throat. "Um…well…okay, but…it's nothing near as nice as…" he swallowed heavily and reached into his pocket.

Zuko blinked as he was handed a small, wrapped package from a very awkward Shen-Long. He stared at him for a moment before wordlessly accepting the gift. He frowned down at it, as though expecting it to grow teeth and bite him at any moment.

"What is it?" Julie asked, looking curious.

Shen-Long cringed again, something Zuko took secret delight in. Now he understood why his uncle had been such a considerate gift-giver. He silently thanked the man for his deep, far-sighted wisdom as he turned the mysterious package over in his hands.

"Good question," he said lightly, narrowing his eyes. "Why don't you unwrap it, Julie? For luck."

She frowned. "You don't want the kind of luck _I've _got, believe me…but fine. Hand it over."

He did as she asked. Zuko watched as Julie started peeling off the wrappings before producing a sealed, rounded container. She scowled at the lettering on the front, which she couldn't read, before handing it back to Zuko.

Any mirth he might have felt died when he realized what he was holding. "_Burn ointment?!"_

Julie's eyes went wide. "Wait, seriously?" she said incredulously. She looked at the soldier in hurt and confusion, something that made Zuko feel a surge of appreciation for the redhead. It was clear whose side _she_ was on. "Shen, what the actual fuck?"

Shen-Long fumbled for an explanation as everyone, including Iroh, turned curious gazes to him. "Look, I'll admit it. I screwed up. But what was I supposed to get the one guy on the ship who already has everything he can ever want?" He gave the incredulous royal a glare. "I even asked him what he wanted, and he just said, "_The only thing that will make me happy is getting my honor back." _And since I'm obviously not a miracle worker, I went and got him the next best thing…"

There was a brief silence before Bo-Fen burst out laughing.

Zuko's expression went flat as he remembered the conversation he was referring to. "You think this is some kind of joke?" he said in a dangerously low voice, slamming the cream down on the table. "For your information, I _don't _get to have everything I want. I can't even go _home_ until I do the impossible and capture the Avatar…I can't even look in the _mirror _without remembering how I lost _everything _that mattered to me…and you think it's _funny?"_

The soldier glared at him. "You know, maybe if you'd stop being so melodramatic, you'd realize that I was actually trying to be thoughtful! I mean, you're so anti-social, no one on the ship knows what you'd even _like! _At least I knew there was a chance you'd _use _this…"

"Oh, so that makes it okay for you to ridicule me?"

Shen-Long looked pissed. "Fine. Don't use it. Throw it away. Sorry I bothered." He sat back in his chair and crumpled up the wrapping paper in an angry little ball before pitching it over his shoulder. "If this didn't mean so much to Julie, I wouldn't have even wasted my time."

"Yeah, well I hope you choke on that pipa. It's too good for an ignorant colonist like you."

Julie bit her lip, trying to ignore the hostility going back and forth between the two young men. She felt a ball of regret wadding up in her chest the longer she watched them going at it. They were only doing this for her sake, which technically meant it was her fault they were fighting. She _knew _she shouldn't have bought the tree…then Zuko wouldn't have gotten the stupid idea to try Christmas, and she could have eaten her dinner in peace.

"Hey," she finally snapped. "Quit your bitching already! This is Christmas! You don't fight on Christmas! You're supposed to pretend like you actually like each other! Good will towards man and all that happy horseshit…so cut it out!"

Iroh cleared his throat. "Perhaps we should move on to the next gift. Nephew…?"

Zuko blinked, realizing it was his turn to give a gift. He shuffled awkwardly in his chair as he reached into his pocket and handed an envelope to Jee. The man accepted it with a raised eyebrow.

"What's this…Sir?"

"Your Christmas bonus," he replied flatly. "Apparently in Julie's world, you're supposed to give your employees some kind of bonus at the end of the year…lest you walk the earth steeped in misery, weighed down by the chains of your greed."

Everyone gave him strange looks. Julie just sighed and glanced wearily at him.

"Were you visited by Jacob Marley last night, Zuko?" she asked.

He looked at her sharply. "You saw him, too?"

She scowled. "Yeah. I _saw _him all right…"

* * *

"_Wooooooooooo…! Ebenezer! Ebenezer Scrooooooooooge!"_

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!"

"_It's not too laaaaaaaate, Ebenezer! Listen to the three spirits, Scroooooooooge!"_

"That's it…! Yoshi! Sick 'em, boy!"

The sound of growls filled the air, followed by frantic screams and Julie snarling encouragement at her ghost-chomping eelhound.

* * *

Zuko looked perturbed. "Remind me never to disturb you while you're sleeping."

"Duly noted. Okay, Jee. Your turn."

Jee produced a fancily-wrapped gift-basket tied up with a bow. He handed it to Iroh, who looked intrigued as he pulled off the cellophane paper. His face lit up in sincere joy as he saw the assortment of pouches filled with what looked like eraser shavings.

"Tea leaves," he cried. "You have gotten my favorites, oh, how wonderful! Look nephew! He even managed to procure the incredibly rare white dragon bush leaves!" He pushed his chair back and ran to embrace the surprised man. "You are a _true friend…!"_

"Um…Sir? I can't breathe…"

"Do not ruin this for me, Jee…I beg of you."

The Lieutenant just grunted in discomfort and patted Iroh on the back as awkwardly as he could manage. When Iroh finally let go he sank back down into his chair, looking around the table again. "Um…okay, so who's left. Bo-Fen?"

The female soldier smiled. "I already got myself something nice. It was really thoughtful."

That got everyone's attention. "You got…your own name out of the hat?" Shen-Long said slowly. "But…Prince Zuko and I both were convinced that you drew _Julie's _name…"

"I distinctly remember saying that it was a secret," she replied. "Anyway, I don't hear Julie complaining. It's not like she actually wanted a gift anyway, right hon'?"

Julie shrugged. "I might have _accidentally _drawn my own name…you know…by accident." She was so unconvincing that even Iroh was staring at her. "But it's all right. I'll live."

"Julie," said Jee slowly. "I thought you went into town to buy a present today. If you weren't getting a gift, where _were _you all day?"

She was immediately on the defensive. "I didn't _lie_. I _was _getting a gift, okay?"

The redhead blushed and looked uncharacteristically shy all of a sudden.

"Well…I mean…I _did _get something…but it's for everyone…" her eyes darted around the table and she scowled. "Quit staring! It's just because it's Christmas! Don't get any funny ideas!"

No one said anything. Because what kind of ideas did the crazy girl think they were having about her? Julie, feeling increasingly embarrassed by their stares, got up from the table and left the room before anyone could stop her. Zuko considered going after her, but she reappeared after two minutes with a wrapped box.

"What is this?" Iroh asked curiously. "You said this was for all of us?"

Julie fidgeted. "It's not much. I just wanted to…I mean…it's nothing. Just open it already."

Jee pulled off the ribbon and lifted open the lid. Inside the box was a tray of sugar cookies shaped like the Fire Nation insignia. They all stared at the baked goods before looking back at her.

"It was either Fire Nation or normal cookies," she explained, not looking at anyone. "Anyway, it's not like I cooked them or anything. I can't bake to save my life. There was a bakery selling them, and I just…well…I mean…if you don't want them, I can always give them to Yoshi or something…he'll eat anything."

The Lieutenant's face softened a little. "This is…quite nice, Julie. Thank you."

She turned even redder and didn't reply. Instead, she snatched a cookie and took a bite out of it to avoid having to answer. That was the cue for everyone else to dig in. Even Zuko, who wasn't overly fond of sweet things, took a cookie and ate it, knowing it would probably make her happy.

She did look pleased as they finished every last one. "I knew I picked a good bakery," she said. "You wouldn't think so by the look of the place, but the owners were really nice…and their cakes were even more beautiful. I bet they're really good."

"They're excellent cookies," Iroh commented. "Thank you, Julie."

"Um…yup…anyway, it's late. And I really appreciate you guys doing the Christmas thing. It really cheered me up, so…I'm going to bed." She got up and went to leave the room, all too eager to put this moment of kindness behind her.

"Hold on a second," said Jee suddenly. "Julie…did anyone give you a gift today?"

Julie froze in her tracks. He saw the back of her neck turning red. "Um…well…you know that's not how it works. They all drew everyone else's name from the hat. So…no. I didn't."

The Lieutenant cleared his throat awkwardly. "Then…would it be all right if I gave you something?"

"What?"

And to her utter dismay, the man produced a small package gift-wrapped with a bow. She stared at him as though she couldn't believe what she was seeing. She shook her head slowly, not understanding.

"You…you…"

"Technically it's from both me and General Iroh," said Jee, mistakenly thinking this was the source of the girl's confusion. "Go on. Open it."

Julie hesitated. "T-thanks…" she said, clumsily taking the gift. She looked at them nervously before pulling off the paper, revealing a fine, Fire Nation dagger. She gasped in surprise. "A dagger? You guys got me something I actually _want?"_

Zuko found himself actually smiling quietly at the happy dismay on the girl's face. Iroh chuckled and Jee looked extremely pleased with himself.

"I told you not to buy a weapon yourself," he said. "But that didn't mean I wouldn't get you one. I meant what I said before…I know you can handle a weapon…and I'm sure you're going to be very responsible with it, and—" he trailed off as Julie immediately had the blade out of its sheath, whipping it around and testing its weight.

"Awesome," she laughed. Then, some of the joy dimmed out of her face as something occurred to her. "How much did you guys spend on this?"

Jee frowned. "It's not polite to ask that question, young lady. Anyway, it doesn't matter. You deserve something nice…something to make up for all the years without ever getting a gift."

The redhead looked troubled for a moment before quietly sheathing the knife. "Thank you," she said in an unsteady voice. "I…I only got the cookies, though…I didn't get anything else."

"Julie, we don't need anything in return," Iroh told her gently. "It is all in the spirit of Christmas."

She bit her lip and nodded, knowing damn well that the money was already spent. But Zuko could see the worry on her face as she tried to mentally tally the potential debt in her mind. It had marred his good mood.

"Bo-Fen and I got you something, too, Julie," Shen-Long spoke up, holding out another gift.

Julie looked like he had just poked her with a cattle-prod. She backed up sharply, knocking into the table and almost upsetting some of the cups. Her eyes were frantic and filled with confusion.

"This is too much, guys, really…I can't…"

"It's just a little something, hon'," Bo-Fen said mollifyingly. "We didn't spend that much on it. Take a look…"

Julie took the little bag and opened it. Frowning, she reached inside and pulled out a pair of jet black dice with white dots. She stared at them in amazement.

"Dice," she said brightly. She looked back in the sack. "And a new deck of cards!"

"To feed your ever-growing gambling addiction," said the female soldier with a wolfish grin. "May half of your winnings end up in my pocket one day."

Julie shook her head, looking happy in spite of the warning (if one could call it that). Jee looked less than pleased with the gift, muttering about how he had just gotten her on the right track and now he had _this _to worry about. Iroh patted him on the shoulder in sympathy.

"Why are the dice black?" she asked.

"It's made of volcanic glass," Shen-Long answered. "They're specially crafted so you don't have to worry about rolling them. They won't break or anything."

"Specially crafted?" There was a funny inflection in her voice.

"I don't know how they do it, but…well, they do it." The soldier shrugged. "Merry Christmas."

Julie didn't say a word. She was shaking her head and holding her gifts like she didn't know what to do with them. Zuko saw that she was trying very hard to keep a straight face, but it was clear in her stance how itchy she was to bolt from the room. He decided then that he wouldn't give her his gift in front of the others.

"Are you all right?" Jee asked, concerned as the silence grew lengthy. "You don't look so…"

"I'm fine," she said quickly. "But…it's been a long day and I…I mean…_wow…_" she shook her head in amazement at the gifts again. "I can't say thank you enough. I mean it. I just…I don't know what I'm supposed to…" she swallowed, her voice suddenly thick and heavy. "I should go to bed."

"Sure," the Lieutenant assented gently. "Um…Merry Christmas."

"Right. M-merry Christmas…"

Julie smiled and jerked her head awkwardly at the others before leaving the room. Iroh raised an eyebrow as Zuko got up from his chair to follow. He nudged Jee just as the prince exited the dining chamber, and the Lieutenant sighed.

"I suppose I shouldn't have been too surprised," he said to the former general. "I'd be surprised if Prince Zuko hadn't gotten her anything…especially after what happened back in Jade Valley." His face grew thoughtful. "They really care about each other, don't they?"

Iroh smiled. He didn't have to answer.

* * *

Zuko should not have been surprised when Julie wasn't in her bedroom. He figured she would be avoiding everyone until the aftermath of Christmas blew over. She was probably still reeling over having gotten presents after she had done everything she could _not _to get them. No wonder she looked like she was going to cry back there.

He knew he was right not to confront her in front of his uncle and Jee when he found her on deck, staring up at the starry night sky with a hard look on her face. Zuko examined her profile for a long moment, taking in the soft features of her face and the grief that seemed to turn her to stone. The half moon seemed to illuminate her moon-peach skin, sabotaging any attempts she made at looking fierce.

"Hey," he said, just loud enough to get her attention. She jumped, frantically wiping her eyes and glaring at him. "I thought you were going to bed."

She sniffed and turned her back on him. "It's none of your business what I'm doing out here," she said to his unasked question. There was an awkward pause. "I just needed some air."

Zuko nodded. "You looked like you did. I mean…I figured I'd find you out here."

Julie was quiet for a moment. "You were looking for me?"

"I haven't given you your present, yet," he responded simply, studying her expression as the weight of his words hit her. Her eyes went wide again as her breath hitched in the back of her throat, and she couldn't hold back the tiny noise of surprise she had let escape.

"Zuko, no," she said, pleadingly. "I…I can't take any more gifts…okay? I just…I can't…okay?"

She looked so small, so meek…so unlike her.

"What if it's something you really like?" he asked, coming to stand next to her at the railing.

Up close, all the hardness in Julie seemed to melt away in the soft light of the moon. She found the courage to meet his gaze, her moss-colored eyes silently probing him for answers. He could feel his stomach flip over as he dared to reach over and move a strand of crimson hair away from her face. She blinked at him in bewilderment before turning red.

"Um…I…it depends…" she stammered, catching a hold of his hand before it could go anywhere. Zuko liked the spark he felt as her skin touched his. "I mean…what is it?"

He hesitated. "You have to close your eyes," he told her seriously. "And don't peek, or I'm pitching it overboard."

Julie scowled. "For your sake, it had better be worth it." She looked at him, even more curious than before. She couldn't see any packages on him. "What is it?"

"Close 'em."

She sighed but did as he said. Zuko hesitated again, watching her purse her lips as she clutched the railing more tightly in anticipation. He reached over and covered her hand with his to calm her.

"Wha…?" she started opening her eyes, but the Fire Prince stopped her.

"Don't peek," he said quickly. "Come on, you promised."

"All right, all right," she told him stoutly, closing her eyes again. "You just startled me, that's all. I don't know why you're taking so long, and don't just—"

She was cut off abruptly as she felt Zuko's mouth press tentatively against hers. She froze up instantly, her heart sputtering almost in protest as his arm went around her and held her against him. Time seemed to stand still for Julie as overwhelming warmth flooded her body, and the scent of fire flakes entered her nostrils. Her thoughts became muddled and unclear as his hand moved to the small of her back, keeping a respectful, if tantalizing distance from the lower half of her body.

Julie gasped and they parted for just a moment, staring into each other's eyes. Zuko was waiting, looking to her for consent. She blushed tremendously and scowled at him.

"You call that a gift?" she asked, hiding under an annoyed bravado.

He looked a little crestfallen. "You…you didn't like it?"

She rolled her eyes, feeling a little more confident in the wake of Zuko's uncertainty. At least she didn't have to feel like a big dork all by herself.

"Of course I did, stupid," she said. "But you…you stopped before it went anywhere…"

He stared at her. "Oh," he said quietly. "Sorry."

"Just shut up and kiss me."

Zuko gave her a rare smile as he moved back in and kissed her again, more certain this time. Her mouth opened to him and he deepened the kiss while she closed the gap between them. For several minutes they were so close together that could very well have been one broad-shouldered person to someone looking at them from far away.

Julie almost didn't notice when Zuko slipped a small packet into her hands. She felt its weight in her palm and broke off the kiss in confusion. "Wait…what's this?"

"Your gift."

She gave him an annoyed look. "I thought the kiss _was _the gift," she said accusingly.

"It's only part of it. Anyway, this isn't much. Just something I knew you would like."

Frowning, she reached inside and almost laughed. "Litchi nuts?"

He just shrugged, grinning at her. Julie returned the smile, still blushing furiously and standing very, very close to him. It was clear that they were both thinking the same thing.

"Want to share these with me?" she asked him. "Back in my room, where Jee and your uncle can't hear us?"

And Zuko decided that he most certainly would.

* * *

**A/N: And that's a wrap.**

**I'm sorry this took me so long to post. I mean it. I really tried to get this scene up by Christmas, but as you can see it is my longest deleted scene to date. I just had so many ideas on where I wanted this chapter to go, from humor to angst, and I was having trouble balancing the two genres out. I didn't want this to get too sad, but I didn't want it to be pointless fluff, either.**

**I know people from countries other than the United States say "Happy Christmas," but at the time it is discussed in the chapter, Julie is not in the mood to explain it to Zuko and the others…not while she is still digesting her holiday angst. On retrospect, Jacob Marley might have been more likely to say "Happy Christmas" given the fact that he lived in London…but whatever. **

**I had thrown in the Christmas Carol references at the last minute purely for the lol's. Since Zuko wasn't actually getting visited by three spirits that night, I didn't bother going back to quote the actual story by Charles Dickens. Marley is a lot scarier in the original version, as you might expect, but here he just plays the role of the guy who gets the wrong address.**

**I hope you all enjoyed, especially the Zulie fans reading this. I avoided the cliché mistletoe and went with the other cliché, the kiss-gift scenario. It certainly gets Julie out of her holiday funk by the end of the chapter. I just hope I didn't rush the end since this chapter is already thirteen thousand words long. I had to end it somewhere…but I'm still concerned.**

**Well, I guess I'll find out later. If you have a moment, please REVIEW! If you don't, Jacob Marley will show up in your room to rattle his chains in your face. Unless you're into that sort of thing, I suggest you heed my warning.**

**Happy Holidays!**


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